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I tightened my hold, pulling her in my arms to keep her from slipping away. Everything felt whole again, strong again, but I also didn’t trust anything I was feeling.
Maybe I needed to be committed right along with her.
I was a grown-ass man and had no one to blame for my careless decisions but myself…
And I was choosing Corrine.
Reason be damned.
We stood there in silence until the entire sky changed from a copper flame to a dark ember. We held each other, occasionally kissing, stroking, and luxuriating in not being alone. Not fighting what we felt was right even though the universe hollered just how wrong it was.
So wrong.
So twisted.
So unhealthy.
But we both didn’t give a fuck.
Get the straitjackets out, because I was going all in.
When we finally entered the restaurant, we were seated at a table with an expansive view of the lake. The lights of the surrounding houses sparkled against the midnight sheen of the water, which was illuminated by the early moonlight. The other diners were lost in their own conversations, giving us the feeling as though we were dining alone. And alone together is exactly what we needed. No judgment, no voices of reason, no harsh comments—just us figuring it out.
Corrine took in the scenery while fiddling with her napkin. I could see she was nervous and didn’t know how to hide that blatant fact from me.
I had questions. I knew this dinner wouldn’t be easy, and I’m sure she felt the same way. I needed to know that what I was feeling—what I could no longer deny—wasn’t just an illusion.
“You seem awfully quiet,” I started after the waiter had poured our wine, leaving the bottle behind.
I appreciated that he didn’t card Corrine and make her feel uncomfortable. She looked of age, and I most certainly did, so the waiter wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. I also appreciated that we didn’t have to be reminded of her age once again.
She took a sip of the wine that left a trail of red, fingering down the crystal. I watched how she held the glass. Experienced. This was a woman who no doubt had sampled wine far more expensive and coveted than I could ever dream of. And as she drank, all I could think of was that I wanted to hear all the stories of her past. I wanted to know more and take the time to learn all about this girl who was anything but boring.
“So do you,” she said.
“Trying to process everything.” I reclined back in my chair and rubbed my thumb against the rim of the wine glass. “There’s a war going on inside of me.”
Corrine looked off toward the illumination on the water, trying to fight back the tears threatening to escape her eyes. “I’m scared I messed up a good thing forever. I wish I hadn’t… but… I can’t control my thoughts and actions sometimes.” She glanced at me with wet eyes. “I know I have issues, but it kills me to know you now think I’m crazy.”
“I think we both are a little mad,” I said with a small grin to try to lighten the mood. “I don’t appreciate being lied to. I don’t appreciate starting this relationship on false pretenses, but I have to agree with you… this relationship would never have happened had you not.”
“Are you still angry with me?”
“No. I feel we have some things to discuss, a lot to work out, and we have to figure out what our path will be next. But no, I’m not mad.”
A smile washed over her breathtakingly beautiful face. “So, does that mean you are considering there being an us?”
I took a ragged breath to attempt to steady my composure. The time had come to ask the question haunting me since finding out the truth. I tried to poise myself by taking another drink of my wine. “I need honesty.”
She nodded. “I’ll give it to you.”
“Do you feel you still have an obsession over the teacher in L.A.? It must have been bad if it landed you in the hospital,” I asked, keeping my gaze locked on her.
“It was bad,” she almost whispered. “But I worked through it. At least with my sickness over him I did. And if you would have kept rejecting me, I can’t say it wouldn’t have gone really bad with you too. I would like to say I’d be strong enough to fight off the really dark demons, but I don’t know.”
“How bad was it?” I leaned toward her, reaching for her hand.
“I hate talking about this, but…” The blush on her face began to take over. “He didn’t have feelings for me. Never did. It was one-sided completely, but I kept thinking I could make him love me, but when that didn’t happen, I got angry. I keyed his car, I spray painted his house, I broke windows… and I set his place on fire.” Corrine pulled her hand away and reached for her wine, taking a large swig.
