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My night with Nick. Maybe that was a detail I should have shared with the doctor earlier in the appointment. It would have saved me a whole lot of conversation and the lab a bunch of different tests. The doctor could have just gone straight for the pregnancy test and it would be over with.
It wasn’t Sandy’s fault. She was just going on what I told her. And more specifically, what I didn’t tell her. This wasn’t the first time in my life I’d been told I took things too literally. It just happened to be the first time in my life when taking a question too literally resulted in missing finding out about my pregnancy.
Hearing the news was such an incredible shock, I didn’t even process it all the way. My doctor told me and I just kind of stared at her. I heard the words. I knew what they meant. But they just didn’t seem real. There was no question the baby belonged to Nick. The timing didn’t add up for it to be Justin’s. I really did have a stomach virus the last time I went through bouts of sickness.
As it turned out, this second wave wasn’t a return of the virus. It wasn’t stress or anxiety. It was morning sickness. She recommended I handle it with eating a few crackers first thing in the morning before getting out of bed and making sure I stayed properly hydrated. I was supposed to eat regularly throughout the day and never let my stomach get empty. Get plenty of rest. Take my vitamins.
All sorts of things I didn’t hear when I just had stomach virus, things I never expected to hear. I thought I was going to walk out of the office with a referral to a counselor so I could talk about my stress. Maybe some sort of prescription that would help manage my nausea. At the very worst, she would have told me I had an ulcer and put me on antacids.
I never would have thought I would have walked out with a stack of papers instructing me on how to deal with feeling sick and how to take care of the baby growing inside me. It shouldn’t have happened. I had been taking birth control for years. Even before I got into the relationship with Justin, I was on the pill. Prescribed when I was sixteen, it helped manage severe cramps and heavy periods.
And apparently did very little else. At least that night it didn’t.
I got the news three days ago and was still working on wrapping my mind around it. Pregnant. I was actually pregnant. Not enough to see anything recognizable as a baby on an ultrasound screen. Not enough to make me show. But pregnant.
I had to tell Nick. This wasn’t something I could just keep to myself and never let him know. At some point, I was going to have to let him know our brief fling was going to be sticking with us for life. Just the thought of it made me break out in a cold sweat.
Setting the papers aside, I tried to sit back at my desk and concentrate on work. I couldn’t just let everything fall apart because I was trying to deal with the news. If nothing else, I now had to think about somebody other than myself. The baby might still have a long time of growing ahead of it, but I still had to be prepared. I was responsible for another life now, and that meant working hard had new meaning.
I managed to keep myself distracted long enough to get to the next afternoon when I had my first meeting with the financial lawyer. I’d made the appointment because I hoped sitting down with him would help me to be smarter about my money. I never wanted to be in a position again where anyone would be able to swoop in and hurt me the way Justin did.
Protecting myself meant protecting my finances, and I needed somebody to help me do that.
The lawyer, Mr. Bach, was essentially what I expected Nick to be before I met him. A kindly older man with white hair and a round belly that barely fit in his suit, he was warm and welcoming. When I went into the office, he offered me tea. It made my heart hurt, reminding me of Nick, and I wondered if they would ever be a time when everything didn’t remind me of him.
Checking the tea to make sure it was herbal and decaffeinated, I accepted a cup. I swirled honey into it as Mr. Bach shuffled around getting himself sorted. He struck me as the type of man who was easily distracted but knew what he was talking about. He wasn’t absentminded; it was more like he had so much going on in his brain at the same time he couldn’t decide which train of thought to follow.
