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“If my parents or any of my brothers ask about me, let them know I’m gone for the day,” I told the receptionist.
She nodded, and Bryn and I headed outside. Her car was parked close to mine, but I didn’t want her driving. Not that being pregnant spontaneously diminished her ability to operate a vehicle. She was just so upset and distracted, I felt better having her stay close to me.
We didn’t talk through the drive. Instead, I spent the time trying to figure out how I felt about the whole situation. No matter how hard I tried to make them, my feelings for Bryn had never gone away. If anything, they had only gotten stronger.
My talk with Lindsey the other night had had a major effect on me. She wasn’t pushy and hadn’t tried to force anything on me, but it had seemed so clear to her. And she wanted to make me think about it the way I should have all along.
If someone asked me point-blank if I was ready to settle down and see myself in a firm, permanent commitment, I would say no. The reality, however, was that would probably always be my response. There would always be something that would make me say I wasn’t ready, just the way there was something that made most people question if they were ready for marriage or children.
There were always going to be those moments of hesitation. But when Lindsey confronted me about Bryn, I realized the hesitation was all about me. Not her. It was wondering if I was good enough. Did I have what it took to be a good boyfriend? A good husband? Would I be able to take care of her in every way she needed? Would I pay enough attention to her? Too much attention to her? Would I make her happy? Years from now, would she wonder if she had made a mistake in choosing me?
It was all so much to think about, but the more I did, the more I realized how strong my feelings for Bryn were. Never in my life had I felt that way about any woman. No one had fascinated me the way she did. No one had challenged me and tempted me the way she did. I could envision myself with her in a way I never thought I would be able to envision myself with anyone.
But now there was a whole new level to it. As I drove toward my house, I tried to piece it all together. I delved deep into my thoughts and emotions, trying to figure out how I felt about all of it. But I was just confused.
When we got to my house, I brought Bryn inside and settled her down in the living room. Once her shoes were off and she was reclined back against the arm of the sofa, her legs stretched out in front of her and a pillow propped behind her back, I went into the kitchen. I poured a glass of juice and emptied a sleeve of crackers onto a plate. Carrying them back into the living room with me, I set them on the table in front of her.
“I don’t really have any memories of my mother being pregnant with Darren except for when she had a big, round belly and I couldn’t sit on her lap anymore. But I spent a lot of time with Lindsey when she was carrying Remy. I was the only person other than his father and his family she told, so I was with her as much as I could be, so she didn’t have to be alone.”
“Did she have a hard pregnancy?” Bryn asked.
“Not really,” I said, sitting down on the end of the couch near her feet. “She had a fairly easy go of it as far as pregnancies go, I think. But early on she was queasy. Something I remember her telling me was that drinking water actually made her feel worse.”
She looked at me strangely. “My doctor went on and on about making sure I stayed hydrated and how that would help me feel better.”
“Yep. Hers told her the same thing. Apparently, she kept trying to do that, and every time she drank a bunch of water, or drank water first thing in the morning, it made her feel sick. So, she talked to a midwife who told her to drink juice instead. She did and it fixed her right up.”
Bryn looked at the glass in her hands. “Thank you.”
I nodded. We sat in silence for a few moments. There were so many things I wanted to know, so many questions bubbling up inside me, but I held them back. She would speak when she was ready to. For as much as my thoughts were churning around, hers had to be just as much, if not more. After all, she was the one who just found out she was sharing her body with another living being. And that she was responsible for that little life coming into this world safely. It was a lot to handle.
