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“I don’t understand.”
The words came out of her mouth like a breath. She didn’t say anything else. I sat there at the table, trying to process what happened as she walked out the door. It closed behind her, and reality hit.
Well, I didn’t count on that reaction. In all the different versions that came to mind, that wasn’t one of them. Just like she said about her conversation with Justin where she could never have come up with the idea that he would try to blackmail her, I never would have imagined her just getting up and walking away.
But her words really stuck with me. I don’t understand. That was all she said. I don’t understand.
And now, I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what she could have meant by that. I’d spoken as clearly as I could and thought there was no ambiguity, absolutely nothing wishy-washy about what I said. Yet, it seemed to baffle her, to confuse her so much she wasn’t even able to come up with a response.
I stared at the door for several seconds after Bryn left. I briefly considered following her, but I stopped myself. I wasn’t going to do that. Chasing her wasn’t the right choice at this point. What romantic comedies and sweeps week stunts on sitcoms would lead us to believe aside, chasing after a woman when she has walked out of a room didn’t seem like a good idea.
If Bryn wanted to talk to me about what I said, or respond in kind, she would have done it right then. There would be no need for a confusing exit. Which meant there was something else behind the sudden departure. I needed to respect whatever thoughts were going through her mind and her obvious need for space. I would just have to let her come back to me.
Which she didn’t. Two hours after she left, I was still waiting for Bryn to come back. Half an hour after that, I thought I heard somebody in front of the house, so I anticipated her knock on the door. It didn’t come. I didn’t have anybody to cuddle on the couch with, but I figured that didn’t have to mean I had to completely forgo my plan for watching cheesy old movies. If nothing else, it kept me at a good vantage point to open the door when she got back.
I woke up to various cramps on the couch, my neck hurting, and the sun starting to come up. Bryn wasn’t there. There was no message on my phone from her. No missed calls. No email. Not only had Bryn not come back to my house after leaving, she had made no effort to reach out to me at all.
Unfolding myself from the uncomfortable position, I went to my bedroom and fell back to sleep. By the time my alarm went off later in the morning to wake me up from work, I was considerably cranky. If I had tried to come up with a worst-case scenario for what would happen after I told Bryn I loved her, it still probably wouldn’t have ranked up with this.
There were definitely ways it could have been worse, but I tried not to be a doom-and-gloom type of guy. Granted, Bryn was starting to stretch the boundaries of what that meant for me.
This was ridiculous. Even if she didn’t feel the same way about me, at least she could have had the decency just say something. She could have taken a few minutes to gather her thoughts, figure out how she would broach the issue, then come back to talk to me like an adult. I figured at this point, I deserved at least that much. Not just because of our professional arrangement, and not just because I thought we were on our way to forming at the very minimum a friendship.
I deserved for her to be up-front and honest with me because we were going to be parenting a child together. She might be putting that out of her mind in favor of only thinking about herself right now. But the reality was we were linked for the rest of our lives. That baby coming needed both of us and I didn’t want to think we had a lifetime of awkward exchanges and tense custody agreements ahead of us.
At least, that’s what I was coaching myself to focus on. If I let myself think any more about how I really felt, it might push me over the edge. Every word I’d said to Bryn the night before was true. I was falling in love with her. Completely, irreparably, indescribably in love with her.
There was absolutely nothing I could do about my feelings. Now that they were out in the world, both of us knew about them and there was no going back. Her reaction hurt. It also infuriated me. From the moment I got to work that morning and throughout three cups of coffee and trying to focus on the work in front of me, I grumbled and swore under my breath. I was ready to give her a piece of my mind.
