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“What should we make today?” I asked, tying Jessica's little apron around her.
“Chocolate chip pancakes, they're Becky’s favorite.”
“They are?”
“Yup.”
“How do you know?” I asked, putting on my own apron.
“Oh, she told me. Becky tells me lots of things. We talk all the time at our tea parties.”
“That makes sense,” I said, not having even thought about that.
The little redhead looked up at me. “Becky's really nice. She even talks to Mr. Otter, Bunny Bun, and the others. They all like her too.”
“Is Becky your friend?” I asked, curious.
“My best friend!” Jessica said, with the conviction of all six-year-olds.
“What else do you and Becky talk about?”
“Oh, lots of stuff. Did you know she went to school for math and ballet?”
“I knew about ballet.”
“She did math too! She's super-duper smart!”
“I've noticed.”
“And really, really pretty!”
“I noticed that, too.”
“Do you think I'll be pretty like her?”
“No, I mean, you'll be pretty, but you probably won't look like Becky?”
“Who will I look like?”
“Well, I would guess your mommy.”
“Oh, good! Mommy was really pretty too!”
I couldn't honestly say I had particularly noticed. I never really thought about Simone that way, but in retrospect, I couldn't deny that she really had been a knockout. As beautiful on the outside as she had been on the inside.
I was struck by another pang and thought for a moment that I might cry again. I breathed deep, trying to keep myself together. For Jessica's sake if nothing else. At least I was able to look at my niece without feeling a deep, agonizing pain.
Becky had been right, about everything, but especially the part about Jessica being a part of Simone and that being there for Jess is what Simone would have waned. She didn't add that Simone would have probably wanted me to be there for Becky, too, but I guessed that was the case.
It was just how my big sister was. She couldn't stand to see anyone in pain.
“Are you okay, Uncle Dean?”
“Yeah, I'm fine, sweetheart.”
“Are you sad about mommy?”
“Yep.”
“Me too. Having tea parties helps, though.”
“It does?”
“A little bit. It is nice to have something else to think about.”
Apparently, my little niece was using the same coping mechanisms I was — aside from the rum — and was adjusting better than me. She really was a small wonder. I had a funny feeling that Jess might well help me as much as I could help her.
I leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek.
“What was that for?” my niece giggled, sounding uncannily like her mother.
“Because I love you, little one,” I said, finally able to say the words.
“Really?”
“Of course.”
“I love you too, Uncle Dean,” she said, getting on her tiptoes and kissing me on the cheek too.
I felt the tears coming once again, but this time, they were tears so of joy. I had finally found a place where I could be myself, where I could be loved.
“Do you think Beck will stay with us?”
“What do you mean, honey?” I asked.
“That's what mommy called me.”
“Is it okay if I call you that too?”
“Okay.”
“Do you mean, will Becky stay with us after we can leave the house?”
“No, well yeah, but I also mean after that. Way, way after that. Do you think Becky will stay forever?”
“I really don't know, honey,” I said, never actually considering the question myself. “I hope she does. I want Becky to stay forever.”
Once again, my little niece was a genius, seeing what I was blind too, and I found myself wholeheartedly agreeing with her.Chapter Sixteen - BeckyIt is odd how the best-laid plans can have unexpected consequences. I was honestly happy that Dean and Jessica were starting to connect and believed that it was what Simone would have wanted. My friend was such a sweet, giving person. She wouldn't want either of them to feel alone, which was probably why she had given Dean legal guardianship. Not that his family paid much attention to that. To be fair, he was on another continent at the time.
Though thanks to efforts by the local authority — based on an anonymous phone call that just so happened to come from my number — the uniforms swooped in, Dean was contacted and was back in New York the next day.
Once I heard that Simone's other request that I help with Jessica as the nanny was bound to come into effect, I saw no reason to not go gung-ho. I guess I had a bit of an entitlement at first. I had known Jess for a few years, after all. I didn't quite get that Dean might want a say too or that he might be hurting. My justification at the time was that he hadn't bothered to be around for over a decade — I was blissfully unaware that he was basically on exile. Something that gave him an almost tragic element.
