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I was honestly shocked at my libido. Of course I did my best to be ladylike but that didn’t stop the inferno inside me from burning.
The situation was getting desperate. As soon as I was in the shower, my hand was down between my thighs. I knew it was supposed to be wrong but I didn’t see how. It felt good yes, but that wasn’t really the point. My primary motive for touching myself was to try and put out the fire, so to speak.
I stroked my hand gently over my aching pussy, or ‘peach’ as I thought about it back then. I really was a kid in a lot of ways. Not least in terms of pubic hair, never really growing any. I was a bit concerned but the doctor told me it could happen, my ‘peach’ really more of a nectarine.
The stress started to turn to pleasure and I leaned against the tile wall for support. My mind was more or less blank. Not really thinking about anything but the sweet relief building up. It was a slow build, gaining inch by inch. Each passing second feeling a little better, like a fuse. Then there was an explosion. Bright, rocketing bursts, exploding like Roman Candles in my head, actually making me moan with pleasure and release.
Regaining my senses, I washed off again before redoing my hair, sweaty once again with the exertion. Patting dry with one of the towels provided by the housing office, I got into my robe and put in a good hard prayer. Just to be safe.
I usually tried to dress modestly but that September still felt like the dead of summer. I could have worn long-sleeves and a shin-length skirt, as was my custom, but likely would have roasted to death.
Finding the shortest, breeziest skirt I owned, I shortened it even further by tucking up the waist, the hem ending up a good two inches above my knees. Pairing this with a tank top I’d gotten at camp one year and an old pair of Chuck Taylors, I assessed the results in the full-length mirror. I felt practically naked but had to admit I was a lot more comfortable and looked pretty good as well.
At one point I would have felt ashamed for desiring male attention, but I was never going to find a fiancé if I didn’t start looking. I was still pretty naive but even I didn’t think the perfect guy would fall into my lap if I just prayed hard enough.
Despite the helpful signs I still had trouble finding the building for my first class. Partly because it was on the other side of campus. Dad didn’t actually know that I’d enrolled in an Experimental Film course. I’d added it as my sixth class after he had already approved the ones I’d had.
There was really no way of explaining why I wanted to take the course. Something about the idea of experimental film just really appealed to me. It likely had something to do with the fact that I wasn’t allowed to watch any movies outside the Family Channel and PureFlix. My dad was generally of the opinion that even Disney should have devil horns as a logo instead of mouse ears.
I was tempted to ask if he believed in the Illuminati too but, like Hamlet, held my tongue. Plays were still okay as long as they were written before 1900.
Class had already started when I arrived, so I did my best to slip into the back and be inconspicuous. There was only one seat left over by the door and I was happy to take it. My ass touching plastic just as the instructor hit play on the first film of the class.
Something people don’t really seem to get about the Bible was it held horrors almost too terrible for the mind to comprehend. Particularly at the beginning and the end. H.P. Lovecraft had nothing on Revelations.
Still, I wasn’t quite ready for what I saw on the pull-down screen that warm, summer morning. It wasn’t terrible or really scary per se but still beyond anything I had yet imagined. The film was Kenneth Anger’s Scorpio Rising.
Even before I really understood the gay or Luciferian subtext Anger had sprinkled through, it still grabbed hold of my young mind and molded it like clay, though the sheer force of the filmmaking alone, leaving me changed.
The rest of the class was something of a blur. A mass of swirling words and terms, most of which my addled brain couldn’t comprehend. I did my best to try and keep up but there was still only so much that I could do.
“You okay?”
I broke out of my trance, my heart literally skipping a beat. He had appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. All genuine concern and dashing charm. He was so handsome, it was a second or two before I could speak.
