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“Yeah, well, I have it worse. My dad moved in with his new wife,” I told her.
“He did? When?”
“A few weeks ago. I still can’t believe they’re married. I’m so mad at him.”
“He’s such a homewrecker,” Diamond said.
“Yeah, that’s for sure,” I said, unable to defend him from that charge.
I didn’t know what got into him. Some kind of midlife crisis, I supposed.
“It’s all weird,” I declared. “But yeah, I mean, she participated, but it’s mostly his fault. I mean, who dates a married woman? Who does that, right?”
“Your dad.”
I frowned.
“Just sayin’,” Diamond shot back.
Gillian walked into the room.
“Did you guys hear?” she asked.
“Yes,” we both replied.
“What are you guys talking about?” asked Gillian, coming in and sitting on the floor.
“Traci’s dad moved in with his new wife,” Diamond explained. “And she left her husband for him.”
“Oh, that’s so sad,” Gillian said. “I feel bad for the other guy. Kinda. Unless he was a wifebeater. Was he?”
“No. His new wife was just, I don’t know, ready and willing, I guess,” I sneered.
“Is she one of those older ladies who’s always throwing it all out there?” asked Diamond. “Does she walk around with outfits that are too sexy for the occasion?”
“Mmm, her wedding dress at the ceremony was kind of scandalous,” I remembered.
“Did she wear white? She shouldn’t wear white,” Gillian pointed out. “ Unless, the marriage wasn’t consummated somehow, then maybe that’s allowed.”
“She has a son,” I reported, to change the subject.
I’d had an awful time at the wedding and didn’t feel like talking about it. I’d just wanted it to be over quickly so that I wouldn’t have to endure one more minute of it. I tried to be happy for my dad and I’d agreed to be in the wedding to support him, but I’d had to grin and bear it the whole time.
“Oh,” said Gillian. “How old?”
“My age. He’s a freshman too,” I revealed.
“Is he cute?” asked Diamond.
“Eww!” I said, grossed out. “He’s my brother now!”
“Stepbrother,” Diamond corrected. “That doesn’t mean anything. You aren’t blood relations.”
“Yeah, you can legally have sex with him,” informed Gillian.
“Oh, my God! Ew!” I declared.
“Why? Is he ugly?” asked Diamond.
“What celebrity does he look like?” Gillian immediately asked.
“You always do this,” Diamond pointed out.
“It’s the quickest way to get a picture in my head,” Gillian said, defending the tactic.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Maybe Aaron Paul, but a little huskier and taller than him.”
“Ooo, nice. I could get into some of that!” laughed Diamond. “When can we meet him?”
“You’re never going to meet him!” I objected. “He’s an ass. He looks down on me and my dad.”
“Well, your dad did wreck his mother’s marriage,” Gillian pointed out. “I mean, you can understand that.”
“It’s not my fault and plus, my dad’s a widower. It’s not like he was the one cheating on anyone. And maybe he didn’t even know she was married until later,” I suggested.
“Is that true?” Diamond asked specifically.
“No,” I admitted. “They met at a trade show and it just blossomed from there.”
“Wait,” said Diamond, slyly. “Are you into this Aaron Paul look-alike?”
“What?! No!” I insisted. “Ew! Like I said, he’s my brother!”
“Stepbrother,” Diamond corrected. “That’s forbidden fruit! Hahahaha!”
“It’s gross to even suggest it,” I snapped. “There is no way I would date Phil.”
“You are so into him,” countered Gillian. “My God. I can see it from here.”
“Yep, it’s true,” agreed Diamond. “I’ll bet your panties get wet just thinkin’ about Aaron Paul!”
“You guys are gross.”
“There’s nothing gross about it. You’re not blood-related so you could do whatever you wanted with him. Who cares? It’s completely legal.”
“Eww! Stop! Please.”
“He must be either really ugly or really cute,” said Gillian. “Got a picture?”
“I do,” I said getting my phone out.
“Uh, oh, she took his picture,” Gillian said.
“Mmmhmm,” Diamond nodded. “Remember when she was crushing on Brad? She didn’t have a picture of Brad.”
“Well, that’s because I don’t take pictures of guys I crush on,” I informed them. “Because I’m usually too nervous to do it and I forget. So there. Now, here’s a picture from the wedding. That’s Phil.”
“He doesn’t look like Aaron Paul!” Diamond insisted. “He looks more like, I don’t know. Who was Thanos?”
“Josh Brolin?” asked Gillian.
“Yeah, like a young Josh Brolin,” concluded Diamond. “He’s cute though. He’d be a first date fuck.”
Gillian laughed and started blushing. I got annoyed.
“Seriously?” I asked. “You should stop, Di. That kind of attitude is not healthy.”
“What? It’s not like I’m gonna do it. Unless you bring him around, in which case, you’d probably be the one doing him, and then I definitely couldn’t.”
“No! No!” I laughed. “I am not dating my stepbrother! Ew! Stop saying that!”
“Gillian, would you date her stepbrother?” asked Diamond.
“Yeah, I’d go out with him,” she admitted, after looking at the picture again.
“When would you have sex with him?” she asked.
