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“Hey, it’s not like we have anything else to do, right? I mean, locked up because of the virus.”
“When is this going to end? They have to find a cure, right?”
“I read online that it takes sixteen years to develop a vaccine right.”
“What?! Are you kidding? They were saying 18 months!”
“Well, I guess you could take that vaccine, but I wouldn’t. I mean, not that I’m one of those anti-vaxxers or anything. But you have to get a good vaccine. It could make you worse if you get the wrong one.”
“Are you saying we’ll be in lockdown for years?!”
“No-no-no,” he assured. “No one is saying that. I’m just saying that a vaccine is probably not answer. Eventually, herd immunity will immunize everyone.”
I hoped he was right. At this point I just wanted there to be some light at the end of the tunnel.Chapter Sixteen - TracianneThe days dragged on. I didn’t see Phil for two days. Two days!
It felt like everyone was avoiding me. Things kind of broke down, I guess. We all got so bored living in the house non-stop. I was pretty sure Daphene and dad were having their own sex sessions in the master bedroom.
Ew. Old people sex!
I was never good at being alone. When I was little, being an only child, I’d sometimes cried if it rained. Because that meant none of my friends could come over or I couldn’t go to them. Dad would sometimes reluctantly take me and then it would be better, but not always.
And at night, at home alone, I’d get really scared. I mean, I knew my parents were somewhere in the house, but I’d still be scared. It felt so maddening to be alone. It’s like you’re going crazy because you have no one to talk to. I guess that must be how prisoners feel in isolation.
At one point, I thought I spotted Phil. He was rushing out of the kitchen. I jogged after him, but by the time I realized it he was upstairs, his door shut and locked. I burst into tears. It wasn’t fair!
Despite all my talks with Ryan, I still thought about Phil. I know that sounds awful. I felt like now I was dating Ryan and by thinking about Phil, I was cheating. But I couldn’t take this loneliness.
For a few hours, I tried listening to music, but I had to stop. Happy music just made me more annoyed and sad music--- Appropriate for the theme--- Just made me cry. I tried watching stuff on Netflix, but I couldn’t get into it. I found myself sitting on the couch, unable to get comfortable.
Then I started looking at the couch and imagining my face squished into the cushions as Phil railed me again.
No! I had to stop doing this to myself. It was torture. Obviously, Phil didn’t want anything to do with me and Ryan was too far away. Maybe I just needed to hang on long enough, then I could fly to Alaska and surprise him.
Part of me was afraid. I hadn’t seen Ryan’s face. What if I wasn’t attracted to him? I mean, part of me felt shallow for thinking that, but everyone has a limit right? What if he was fat or scarred or really short? It’s terrible, I know, but attraction does mean something in a relationship right?
Just because we had chemistry over the phone, didn’t mean we’d have chemistry in real life. At least I could talk to Diamond and Gillian about Ryan. They thought I had made him up. The good part about Ryan was that I didn’t have to tell them he was my stepbrother!
Typically, Diamond said that I had to see what he looked like. Gillian thought the whole thing sounded romantic. It was like a movie where the hero is revealed at the end. That would be nice. I take a flight up to Alaska and Ryan meets me at the airport and I see him in the flesh for the first time.
It’s cold, so I’d have to wear a parka or whatever. I actually scouted out a few online. Some of them get pretty pricey if you want something that’s warm and not too bulky, yet fashionable.
I wasn’t quite sure how to explain Ryan to my dad. Maybe I could just tell him I wanted to go to Alaska on a tour or something. Maybe I could make it part of a college class. Not looking too far down stream, but if I were to move there for Ryan, I’d have to visit a few times to understand what it was like, right?
Then again, I’m really nervous about the whole bears thing. I don’t know if I could get used to that. I’d have to look out every window to make sure there wasn’t a bear. And what if Ryan went out first and got attacked, what would I do? What do you do? Call the police? It probably takes them hours to find you.
