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Strong hands grasped her around the waist and she went swishing backward through the water until her body landed against his. “There are consequences for teasing a hawk.”
“Are there?” she gasped out.
“Yes.”
“What are they?”
“Hawks are predators, what does that make someone they catch?”
“Prey?” she asked in a whisper.
“Exactly.”
“I think I want to be your prey, darling Sebastian.”
His body shuddered. “Say that again.”
“That I want to be your prey?”
“What you called me.”
“Sebastian?” she teased.
He just growled into her ear and she shivered.
Then she went still. “Darling.”
“I like that.” He sounded confused and not a little bothered by that fact.
She laid her head back on his shoulder. “I do, too.”
He turned her to face him. “I have never wanted another woman as much as I want you.”
Again he sounded bothered and she did not comment on the surprising admission. Or at least she did not plan to, but words just sort of came out of her mouth. “If only you had wanted me that much eight years ago.”
Then none of this would be necessary.
If a tiny voice deep in her mind questioned that ertion, she chose to ignore it.
“I did.”
She shook her head. “No. You walked away.”
“You didn’t have anything to blackmail me with back then. Well, you did, but you didn’t realize it.”
Her head spun…was he only touching her because of the deal? That’s what he’d said. He’d also said she could have attempted blackmail eight years ago.
Then she realized with perfect clarity what he was talking about. Eight years ago, she’d been so devastated by his betrayal, she had not even considered that he had betrayed her father as well. Or at least his own work ethic by touching her as intimately as he had.
It had been a couple of years before she’d been able to analyze the situation with enough distance to give Jennifer’s earliest comments on the situation any credence. From the first time Lina had poured her broken heart out all over her friend, Jennifer had insisted that the whole thing could not have been merely a job to Sebastian. Because a man like him would never compromise a sexual innocent in order to do his job, especially if that job involved protecting her.
That realization had healed a tiny portion of the hurt that had shattered Lina’s heart and self-confidence. Not enough to make her open to trusting another man, but some.
She scrutinized Sebastian’s face, trying to read his expression, trying to understand the coldness creeping through her as his words forced another moment of clarity.
She could not decipher his expression, though—or at least make herself believe what she needed to about what he was feeling. He wanted her, a lot. According to him. And well, she believed it because his physical reactions had been blatant. But also, according to him, he would not be acting on that desire without her bargain. Which she had known and yet something inside her had refused to really know it, or maybe to accept it as truth.
She’d convinced herself that despite his words, this thing between them was bigger than both of them, not just her. Only now, for whatever reason, his words were sinking into her brain in a way that they had not before. Maybe because he was saying the same thing despite what they had done and the massive evidence of his arousal.
Maybe because he was finally admitting his desire for her in words and yet still denying that he would have acted on it without being forced. Perhaps because he was finally speaking the truth she had been able to discern all along, she felt compelled to believe him about everything.
She couldn’t hide from the ugly truth. She couldn’t live with it, either.
No matter what she’d thought she was ready for. No matter what kind of compromise to her principles she’d thought she could tolerate. Regardless of what she’d thought she wanted, she knew in that instant that she did not want Sebastian as the result of a deal.
She might never get over him, but if she couldn’t have him because he truly wanted her…then she could not have him at all.
She pushed away from him and because he was not expecting it, she slipped easily from his arms. She propelled herself backward until she was to the steps.
She stopped with her hand on the rail. “This was a mistake. We can fly out this afternoon as planned. I’ll go to D.C. and meet with my father.”
Shards of pain were cutting into her, but she refused to go down emotionally like she had eight years ago. At least this time, Sebastian had not lied to her. She had lied to herself.
And, ultimately, isn’t that what had happened when she was nineteen? She’d believed he felt the same emotions she was experiencing, not because he’d said he did, but because she had wanted to. He’d betrayed her friendship, but he hadn’t betrayed her love. She’d done that all on her own.
And she wasn’t going there again. Not for freedom from her sexual repression. Not for anything.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Sebastian demanded. “And where the hell are you going?”
“Back to my room…to get dressed and pack.”
“What?” he practically shouted. “Why?”
“I don’t want to blackmail you into .”
“That’s not what you were saying a few minutes ago.”
“I…” Could she explain and get out of there without losing it? She had to try. Her pride wouldn’t allow otherwise. “I thought you wanted me.”
“I do want you, damn it.”
“Have you noticed you swear a lot when you get upset?”
“What the bloody difference does that make?”
“Um…none. Just noticing, that’s all.”
“Don’t try to change the subject. You promised me heaven and now you are backing away, ready to leave me in hell. Are you scared, princess? I told you I wouldn’t hurt you.”
“No. It’s not that.” She still wanted him. Her body was literally aching to return to his arms.
“Then what is it?” His eyes narrowed dangerously. “Is this payback for eight years ago?”
“No! Of course, not.”
“Then why are you over there and I am over here?” His body tensed for movement. “To hell with that.” Then he exploded into action.
She’d only taken a single step backward before he was there, grabbing her waist in a firm grip.
He pulled her toward him and deeper water once again, only stopping once they were on the verge of going outside. “Now, explain. Use small words and short sentences so there’s no possibility I’ll misunderstand.”
Oh, wow…he was really mad, angrier than she’d ever seen him. And yet his hold on her was not bruising and she felt no fear for her person at all.
“I’ll go to D.C.…you don’t have to have sex with me to gain my cooperation.”
“And if I want to to you regardless?”
“But you don’t. You just said you’re only touching me because I blackmailed you into it.”
“I also said I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted another woman.”
“But you wanted me that way eight years ago. You didn’t touch me then because I didn’t force you into it.”
“Lina!”
“What? That’s what you said.”
“I know what I said.”
“So, um…you can let me go.” She didn’t say please, but she wanted to. She needed to get away from him before she begged him to to her anyway.
And ended up hating herself.
His head lowered until their foreheads touched and he sighed, a long drawn out sound that caused a pang in her heart. “No, baby, I can’t.”
“You can’t let me go?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I need to to you.”
“But you said—”
“I know what I said,” he interrupted. “I was strong enough to walk away eight years ago without finishing what we started. I might have been strong enough this time without your deal, but then again, maybe I wouldn’t have been. I do know that we’ve gone too far to turn back now…unless you really don’t want this.”
She pulled her head back so she could look into his eyes. “So, this isn’t about the deal. You want me? Even though you know I’ll return to D.C. with you regardless.”
“Yes.”
“And you don’t begrudge me three days?”
“I wouldn’t begrudge a whole week, but I think we’re safer sticking with our original plan.”
