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“Boys, this is some entertainment for the evening” he tells us as another two cars pull up and one by one the girls are engulfed by the Brothers.
I sit at the camp fire and throw another log on takin’ a big gulp from my bottle of Jack
“You ok Socket?” Stryker asks as him and Colt sit down
“Yeah, all good man, you?” I ask him
“All good, you seem down man, you sure you’re ok?” I look at the two of them
“I seem down?” I ask them
“Yeah, just the past few months you don’t seem the same since” he stops talking and I look at him
“Since?” I ask Colt
“Since Jewel left man.”
I take another drink thinkin’ about her “Brother I’m fine”
“You sure?” he asks again as Cuff comes walkin’ over with a pretty blonde
“Boys, this here is Sarah, Sarah the guys.” She looks at us all but stops on Colt but he holds his hand up
“Married darlin’” she pouts but turns to the others but stops at me
“Are you married?” she asks me and I shake my head
“Nope” I tell her and she smiles
“Then can I sit?” she asks and I pat the ground next to me and she sits.Chapter FiveDove
I jump up with a loud screaming noise and look to the floor seeing the baby screaming, I pick her up and look at the clock ‘One-O-five’. I put the binky thing in her mouth and she starts sucking on it and I put her down to check her diaper. “Still dry” I pick up the bottle and go into the kitchen, I’ve had to take the week off of work to look after her and try and figure things out.
I’ve been googling babies and how to look after them, what they need and I have assessed I definitely have no fucking idea how I can do this. I know at her age she is now that she sleeps eats pees poops and throws up and that’s about it, but the past four nights are really starting to where on me.
I watch as Wiley takes the last of her bottle and I pick her up and hit her back but not too hard and she burps slumping on my shoulder and I know she’s out. As I lay there I watch her sleep, her little pink lips so small and I pick up her little hand in mine and marvel at how cute she is as a tear slides down my cheek, knowing Simone will never see her grow up.
I slowly drift off when Wiley wakes me again and I look at the time ‘four-thirty’ (shit), I make my way into the kitchen and trip hitting my lip on the table screaming “FUCK!” I pace the floor holding my face as it throbs and Wiley screams louder, the walls to my bedsit almost shake with the neighbour screaming to shut up through the wall. “Dammit” I curse myself with the lack of sleep, I’m so out of sorts with the lack of sleep I feel myself shake. I stumble to the tap and wash the blood off of my face, checking that none of my teeth are loose. Wiley screams louder as I grab the tin of formula and notice how light it is. Popping the lid, I see enough for one bottle. “Fuck” I make the bottle up, feed and change her, as she finishes her bottle and I burp her, my face throbbing and a tear slides down my cheek but I get dressed and carry her basket out to my car and head to the store for formula and diapers.
*
As I walk the aisle, I look up and down at all of the different brands “Jesus fucking christ” (how in the hell do women do this) I push the trolley with a sleeping Wiley in it down the long never end isle of diapers baby formula’s and other creams and things babies need and I stop half way looking one way than the other as tears threating to fall feeling making me feel very overwhelmed when someone taps me on the shoulders and I look up to see a woman staring at me.
“You ok hun?” she asks me and I see she’s wearing a uniform for the store, I shake my head and she looks down at a sleeping Wiley “She’s beautiful” she says and I look at my niece
“She is” I tell her
“Can I help you?” she asks and a tear slides down my face and she pats me on the arm “It’s hard in the beginning but it gets easier, what are you here for?” she asks me
“Formula”
“You’re not breast feeding?” I shake my head
“Well, what brand are you using at present?” I try and think of the one at home in my trash can
“Um… I’m not sure”
