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He crossed his arms and tapped his hoof on the hardwoods. “Jeez, you really don’t know anything about this, do you? I can’t just decide to go back to Irkalla. I have to be sent back.”
“Well, go back to the person who summoned you. In fact, that works well for my plan too.”
He shook his head. “Can’t do that.”
“Why not?” I huffed out a breath, annoyed by this entire scene.
“Duh. I didn’t meet them. One minute I was lounging by a pool of lava in Irkalla and the next thing I know, I’m in your living room.”
I felt my eyebrows squeeze together. “How did you know what you were supposed to do then?”
“Are you sure you’re half-mage? I mean, I thought you guys learned all about how this demon summoning worked from birth.”
“Humor me.”
He sighed. “When a summoning occurs, the spell used is encoded with instructions. In this case, I knew my orders immediately.”
“And they were?”
“To test you.”
“And by test, you mean try to cremate me?”
“Something like that.” He shuffled his cloven hooves on the floor. “Like I said, it was nothing personal.”
“Right.” I placed the heels of my palms against the wall to pull myself up. Two claws grabbed my shoulders to help me. I shied away, determined not to take help from someone who’d just tried to kill me. Call me ungrateful. “Okay so we don’t know who sent you, which means we can’t track him down and make him send you back. Any other ideas?”
He tapped a hoof as he thought. “Don’t you have any mage friends who could help you?”
“I don’t know any mages.”
His goat eyes widened. “How can you not know any mages? You are one.”
“I’m only half, remember? My mage father died before I was born and my vampire mother’s family raised me.” I didn’t know why I was telling the demon about my family history. I needed to figure out how to get him the hell out of my house. Pronto.
I limped to the couch. The demon wandered around the room, checking the place out as I considered options. I couldn’t call my grandmother because she’d freak. If I had to guess, the apple wood didn’t kill me because of my half-mage blood. Let’s just say Grandmother didn’t exactly like to be reminded of my mage side. I glanced at the clock. Sunrise was in half an hour. There was no way I could do anything with the darkness I had left. I’d have to tackle this tomorrow.
“Look, as long as you’re stuck here, you might as well tell me your name.” The demon turned from where he’d been nosing through my mail.
“I’m Giguhl.”
“Sabina.” I shook his claw, but withdrew my hand quickly, totally icked out by the cold feel of his scaly skin.
“Charmed.”
“I promise I’ll find out how to send you back as soon as I can. But until then, I’m afraid you’re stuck here.”
He sighed and shook his head. “That sucks.”
“Look, it’s not like I asked you to come here, you know. The last thing I need is a demon sleeping on my sofa. I’ve got bigger problems to deal with right now.” Like finding out who would summon a demon to try to kill me. And figuring out why I wasn’t dead from that apple wood arrow. Oh, and that whole infiltrating-Clovis’s-sect-so-I-could-assassinate-him thing. My temples started to throb in time to the pain radiating from my chest. “Don’t you have anyone you can go to for help?”
“No, I do not. This is my first time in this realm, if you must know. And don’t give me that attitude.” He crossed his massive arms and frowned at me. “I didn’t exactly ask for this either. I was minding my own business and the next thing I know I’m here in this godsforsaken place.” He looked around my house with the same expression I imagine I’d use if I was trapped in Irkalla.
“Okay, fine. We’re both screwed. As long as you promise not to try to kill me again, I promise I’ll find out how to get you home. Deal?”
“Deal,” he said. “Now about sleeping on the couch.” He turned and raised his shaggy green eyebrows at me. “You were kidding, right?”
5
When I woke up the next evening, Giguhl sat in the same spot I’d left him the morning before. His eyes were bloodshot and slightly unfocused from watching TV for hours.
“Tell me you haven’t been watching TV all day?” I shouldn’t have bothered asking. From the beer bottles strewn about like passed out drunks, and the cheese doodle dust coating his chest and face, it was pretty clear what he’d been up to.
“Humans are weird.” He pointed to the TV, where MTV was running a Real World marathon.
“Uh, yeah, I guess they are.” That’s when I spotted my wallet open on the coffee table next to the phone. I walked over and picked up my credit card, which had telling orange smudges all over it. “What have you been doing with my credit card?”
“Oh. I just ordered a couple of things from the infomercial channel.”
I paused and counted to ten, trying to remind myself that he was new to this world. “You what?”
He sat up. “You wouldn’t believe the amazing products they offer.”
“How much?”
“What?” His attention had strayed back to the TV, where some co-ed was throwing up in bushes. “Eww.”
I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.
“Hey! Give it back.”
I stepped back, putting the remote behind my back. “I said, how much of my money did you spend?”
“Oh, Sabina, relax. The Ab Blaster is only ten easy payments of nine-ninety-nine.”
I stared at him for a moment. “What the hell do you need Ab Blaster for?”
“I bought it for you.” He sent a pointed look to my midsection.
“My abs are just fine, thanks. Now call them back and cancel it.”
“No can do. All sales final.”
“Is that all you bought?”
His eyes shot to the left. “Um.”
I clenched my teeth. “What else?”
“A Super Mega Juicer,” he said quickly. “But, Sabina, seriously that juicer is a miracle machine.”
“I’m a vampire, Giguhl. The only liquids I drink are blood and alcohol. I don’t do juice.”
“You might want to consider a little roughage in your diet. According to the commercial, an increase in fiber will help you be more regular.”
