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“Jonah glow?” I questioned.
“Your eyes are twinkling like they used to,” Kinsley informed me.
“It’s the lighting in here.”
They both rolled their eyes.
“Your resistance to tell us only speaks to how much you really care about him,” Dani challenged me. “You know he stills cares about you . . . a lot.”
I looked down at my shoes. “Is that what he said?”
“Maybe,” Dani teased.
I lifted my head and met her devious gray eyes. “Fine. I don’t know how to feel about him being back here. It’s not like it changes anything. Besides, he’s bringing his ex-wife to Thanksgiving, which I’m no longer attending.”
“What?” they shouted in unison.
“You can’t skip Thanksgiving. Who will sing the Thanksgiving blessing song and organize the car hide-and-go-seek?” Kinsley asked. “And who cares if Eliza’s coming?”
“Obviously, I do. It will be awkward.” More awkward than if it was only Jonah and his daughter.
“Only if you make it that way,” Dani countered. “You don’t know Eliza. She’s very cerebral and she and Jonah left things amicable.”
“The only reason you feel awkward is because you still have a thing for him.” Kinsley wagged her brows.
I rubbed my forehead. “You know what? Yes, I still care for Jonah. He’s one of the best people I’ve ever known, but like I said, it doesn’t change anything.”
“It should,” Dani quipped. “Did you read the pamphlets? Make an appointment with the therapist? She’s really good with helping people with childhood trauma.”
“I—”
“Don’t deny it,” Dani interrupted me. “Your creepy stepfather, Carl, coming on to you is traumatic on its own; but the unstable environment your mom provided for you and her lack of emotional support, even physical support at times, was enough to mess up any kid.”
“You think I’m messed up?” I was offended, even if I knew it was true.
“Uh, yeah,” Dani replied with no apology. “Your coping mechanisms are scary amazing. From hiding behind your horrendous clothes to making sure every holiday is full of idealistic traditions, not to mention how you work crazy hours and tell yourself it’s because the business requires it, but really it’s because you want to make sure you never go without again. And the way you treat each child that walks in this studio like they are your own, because deep down you want nothing more than to be a mother and even a wife. But the thought that you might really be like your mother scares you so bad, you won’t even contemplate it. Which is a shame because you would be killer at both. And,” she took a breath. “I know it was you who filled the Children to Love donation box I left here. You’d rather save the world than yourself, because somewhere along the way you believed the lies you told yourself, that you’re okay. You’ve done such a good job of it, most people believe it too.”
I wiped the tears out of my eyes. “Are you done now?” There was nothing like the knife of truth being stabbed in your heart.
Dani stood and wrapped me up in her arms. “I don’t say these things to hurt you. Believe me, I know all about childhood trauma and coping mechanisms.”
I knew she did. Her situation growing up had been ten times worse than mine, going from foster home to foster home. Not all of them were stand-up people. She’d had her own Carls. Growing up, Dani had done some things she wasn’t proud of to deal with her pain; she even had a brush with the law. But unlike me, she’d sought counseling. She didn’t lie to herself.
“I don’t know if I can change.” I rested my head on her shoulder.
Kinsley came and wrapped her skinny arms around us. “Of course, you can. You’ve already started by not looking homeless anymore.”
I giggled into Dani’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you guys say anything to me before trying to get me on a TV show?”
Dani leaned away. “We tried to subtly, so we wouldn’t hurt your feelings, but you never took the hint.”
“Did we hurt your feelings?” Kinsley asked, obviously afraid they had. She was the kindest of us.
“No, but maybe you humiliated me a little. You didn’t tell Jonah I was a slob, did you?”
We broke apart, Kinsley and Dani standing back with smirks.
“You care what Jonah thinks about you?” Dani asked smugly.
I waved them away. “I really need to get ready for my class.” I headed for the back office to grab more supplies.
“By the way, Jonah is coming tonight,” Kinsley admitted sheepishly.
I stopped dead in my tracks, heart beating uncontrollably. I couldn’t even look at my traitorous best friends.
“The first step to healing is to face your fears head on,” Dani called.
Fear was an understatement. Jonah terrified me. My feelings for him hadn’t gone anywhere, but neither had my other anxieties. I mean, Jonah himself was living proof I was right about relationships. If someone like him could get divorced, I wasn’t sure how anyone stood a chance. How could we?
