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Dr. Morales thought it was wise that I go to Chicago, but she cautioned me that Roger Stanton may not recognize his part in my childhood trauma and to be cautious that I don’t allow him to retraumatize me. She said I needed to go in with zero expectations, but that I should be direct with him. She was honestly more concerned about my relationship with my father. She made me think about things I hadn’t thought of, like while I might feel happy to be part of this new family, I might also feel a great sense of loneliness and loss when I see my father, his wife, and my half-brothers all together. She said there would be pain, but hopefully also joy, and I should embrace both. I was grateful for the mental preparation.
But . . . Dr. Morales was most concerned about me being completely honest with Jonah about my feelings for him. She wanted me to work on saying the L word. More than that, not being afraid of it. I knew he deserved to hear it and longed for it. I wanted to say it. Truly I did, but it always got stuck in my throat, more like my heart.
I knew if I said I loved him there was no going back. Jonah would never be satisfied with us staying boyfriend and girlfriend. He wanted to share his life and bed with me as his wife and the mother of his children. Yes, he would be patient, but after Eliza, he deserved someone who not only pursued him, but was in it for the long haul. Someone who made him and his child a priority. I only had to trust that he was in it forever too. That I wouldn’t have to give him back.
Dr. Morales and Dani were quick to remind me that Jonah had returned to me, despite me pushing him away. And my father had never truly abandoned me. I really had to look at my life through a lens I didn’t even know existed. Adjusting to the vision correction wasn’t easy, but I was trying. Dr. Morales told me to keep on trying, and soon I would find I was doing.
I was doing something all right.
“Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain. We will be landing in Chicago at approximately 10:15 p.m. Central Standard Time. Enjoy your flight.”
I looked between Whitney and Jonah and thought I would definitely enjoy myself. I was hoping the same would be true for Chicago. But as Dr. Morales reminded me, a lot of that depended on me.
~*~
I stared out of the car window at my father’s house once we drove through the gated entrance protecting the property. I almost laughed when I noticed the turret gracing the large brick home still decked out in Christmas decorations. Bright white twinkle lights covered everything from the hedges to the large pine and deciduous trees that dotted the property.
What were the odds my father lived in a mini castle? Maybe he wasn’t the European prince I’d always imagined him to be, but he lived pretty royally. Case in point, the Mercedes SUV he was chauffeuring us in. Dean had insisted on picking us up from the airport even though it was late and lightly snowing, which made it seem even colder here. The humidity made it biting. I was used to arid conditions in Colorado.
Dean stopped the car in front of the house in the middle of his circular driveway. He looked past me out the passenger side window. “Welcome home.”
His words surprised me. Did he want me to think of this as my home?
“It’s beautiful,” I remarked.
“Wait until you see the inside. Sabine loves Christmas and she has a tree in almost every room. She didn’t want to take them down until after you arrived.”
That was thoughtful of her. “I’m excited to meet her,” I replied, causing Dean to give me a toothy grin.
“I’ll grab your luggage while you head in. Sabine is waiting for you.”
I felt bad she had waited up so long. It was almost midnight. The drive from the airport to here was almost forty-five minutes in the winter driving conditions.
Jonah carried a sleepy Whitney while still managing to hold my hand as we walked up the stone steps of the house of my childhood dreams. It was freezing but the glow of the home and Jonah made me feel warm.
We didn’t even make it to the large solid wood double doors before they flew open. There we were greeted by the cutest woman alive. Sabine was an Audrey Hepburn clone with her dark pixie cut and lithe body. She was even wearing a turtleneck and black slippers that looked like ballet flats.
“Welcome. Welcome.” Sabine stretched out her arms. Her enthusiasm was impressive for the late hour. As soon as we crossed the threshold of the majestic home, I found myself torn away from Jonah and into those tiny arms of hers. For a little thing, she was strong. “Dear, dear, Ariana, it is so lovely to meet you. Dean was right, you are absolutely gorgeous.”
