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“I would be too.” Grandma walked over and placed another pillow behind me. She had made the nurse bring her one because she thought I looked uncomfortable. She had no idea. “Why is it anyone’s business? I mean, you didn’t even tell your grandparents.” She gave me a meaningful look along with her jab. “It explains why you rushed into marriage, though.”
“I’m sorry.” I sunk into the pillows.
She pressed her lips together while giving me a good once-over. “Don’t go apologizing or crying. It breaks my heart when you girls cry.”
I didn’t think I had any tears left.
“Rushed? I say it was about time they got married,” Ariana gave her two cents. She and Grandpa were sitting on the small couch together, doing a crossword puzzle. Grandpa was quiet. He had been that way around me ever since I had told him and Grandma I was getting married. He had held on extra-long after walking me down the aisle and before giving my hand to Brock. The words he had whispered before kissing my cheek and giving me away still haunted me. “Remember who you are.” Did he know I was living a lie? What I had done? His eyes now seemed to be imploring me to once again remember who I was.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to remember.
I rested my head on Kinsley’s bony shoulder. “I’m tired.” I couldn’t bear talking about my marriage that would soon be dissolved. Besides, Brock and I needed to talk about an exit strategy before I told my family. Especially given that we lived in a fishbowl. I couldn’t believe someone would tell the press about my baby. I thought there were privacy laws against that.
I hoped someone told Brant before he heard it on the news. I wanted to tell him myself, but it was too risky. I wondered, though, if it would be a relief to him. I thought back to when I had told him I was pregnant. His ashen face had said it all. It hadn’t been welcome news. Yet, he was gentle about it and concerned for my welfare. He was ready to accept responsibility, and then John devised a better, safer plan. There was nothing safer about it. It had wrecked us all.
Grandma kissed my head. “Get some sleep. We’ll stay until Brock returns.”
As bad as it sounded, I wished they would leave. I wanted to be alone to mourn my baby. The empty void that consumed me begged for solitude. Having my family around only reminded me how undeserving I felt of their love. I wanted to wrap myself up in the loneliness because that seemed just.
I didn’t know when my family left, I was so in and out of sleep. The pain meds made me feel groggy, yet I was so consumed with loss that even when I slept, my dreams were filled with a crying baby I could never hold or comfort. Brock was there every time I woke up, anxious to make sure I was okay or offering to help me to the restroom, since I was still lightly bleeding, which meant extra trips to the bathroom. We were still putting on a show for the hospital staff. I was so ready to return my best actress award.
When daylight filtered into the cold, sterile room, I decided I was done with the restless sleep. I opened my eyes to find Brock sitting by the bed, his eyes red. I had a feeling he hadn’t slept a wink.
He sat up tall when he noticed I was awake. “Do you need anything?” He had asked that a hundred times throughout the night.
“No.” I pulled the blanket tighter around me. It was time to end this charade.
“Dr. Paulson should be here midmorning to release you.”
“Good.”
“My parents want to come see you when we get home. Mom knows we don’t cook, so she offered to bring over some meals.”
Oh. A lump formed in my throat. Sheridan was going to hate me. Still, I couldn’t go on with the lie any longer. “Brock.” I reached out and placed a hand on his arm. “I’m not going home with you.” There was no malice to my tone, just a statement of fact.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. It’s over. The baby’s gone,” I cried, exhausted.
He ran a hand over his stubbled face. “Dani, I love you.”
“Don’t say that,” I begged. “You don’t.”
“You’re telling me how I feel?” he growled.
“No. You showed me exactly how you felt in DC. I’ll never forget how repulsed you were when I told you I loved you.”
He stood and shook his head. “Damn it, Dani. That’s unfair.”
“Is it really? I wanted to share my body and soul with you that night. I wanted you to know what that meant to me. What you meant to me. Instead, you threw your brother in my face. I realized then that I would never be enough for you. I never have been. I always thought it was things like medical school or the women you’ve dated over the years keeping us apart. But it was you. You never wanted me. You never wanted my baby,” I choked out. “So don’t pity me now and tell me you love me. We both know you would have never married me if your dad hadn’t forced you to.”
