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“Probably none, but you need to know the truth.” With his thumb he gently wiped some tears off my cheek.
I turned my head from him. “Don’t touch me.”
He dropped his hand and sighed. “Grace, I never meant to hurt you.”
I ripped my hand from his. “I don’t believe you. You lied to me when you said you couldn’t face me after prom because I would have given you reasons to stay in Pecan Orchard. The truth was, you never wanted to take me to prom. But worse than that, I can’t believe you so callously used me so you could sleep with Morgan that night. Why didn’t you just say no when I asked you?”
He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t plan on having sex with Morgan that night. It was a heat-of-the-moment, careless decision. My world had just come crashing down around me, and I needed someone to talk to. Someone who understood what I was feeling. Morgan’s parents never had a good relationship, so she could sympathize with me. Before I knew it, one thing led to another.”
He began to pace, breathing out hard as he went. “Grace, I couldn’t face you after what we had done. You don’t know how guilty I felt. Those next few weeks were hell for me, worrying that I might have gotten Morgan pregnant all while having to pretend my family wasn’t falling apart. And the one person I needed the most—you—I couldn’t go to.” He stopped and met my eyes. “Grace, I had no idea how you felt about me.”
My skin broke out in a tidal wave of red. Why had I told him I’d loved him? I hightailed it out of there. At least, I tried. I really should have put on my shoes. I stepped on a sharp rock and screeched, “Holy freaking crow!” into the night, hopping on one foot.
Brooks was to me in no time, lending me someone to lean on.
“I don’t need your help.” I tried to push him away.
He wasn’t having it. He easily swept me up into his arms, like he was Prince Charming or something. More like Prince Not So Charming.
“Put me down,” I demanded.
He pulled me closer instead. “No,” he refused so adamantly, I stopped fighting him.
We locked eyes, and I noticed his had a sheen of moisture in them. I inhaled his amber-and-vanilla scent and had to fight against the urge to sink into him and stay awhile. All of me wanted all of him. And I hated myself for it.
“I didn’t know you were in love with me,” he whispered. “I thought we were friends.”
“We were,” my voice hitched. “Now let me go.”
He didn’t comply. “Grace, I’m sorry I’ve been so blind.”
“I am too.” I wiped the tears out of my eyes. “I wish I would have never asked you to prom. I don’t even know why you said yes.”
The corners of his mouth twitched. “When you tried on your prom dress for me, I couldn’t resist. I’d thought it would be our last hoorah before I left for school. And I hoped I would get the chance to kiss you again.”
“You wanted to kiss me?”
He nodded. “I may have been oblivious to your feelings, but I wasn’t blind to how beautiful you were . . . are. I’d often thought of what it would have been like to date you, but I didn’t want to ruin what we had.”
“And you loved Morgan.”
He let out a heavy breath. “Maybe I did. I don’t know. She certainly had me under her spell. Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever truly been in love with anyone, except maybe myself.”
That pierced my soul. “Great,” I cried. “Can I go now?”
“I’m not saying that to hurt you. You always deserved better than me. I even knew that back in high school.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I deserved the boy who brought me cookies when he found me crying on my lawn. The one that helped me pass calculus. And I definitely deserved the boy who let me cry all night onto his chest the day my momma died and held my hand during her funeral.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I deserve that boy, but he no longer exists.” I forcibly pushed myself out of his arms and landed on my feet. Before I marched off, I took a moment to gaze up at him. That sheen of mist in his eyes had turned to pools of tears.
“I don’t know where that boy went or how to get him back,” his voice cracked, but he cleared his throat like he was embarrassed by the emotion he’d shown.
I admit, he had me wanting to comfort him, but I couldn’t. Not anymore. “Only you would know. Goodbye, Brooks.” I turned from him.
