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I hoped he wasn’t bringing her to the barbecue. I was almost certain he wasn’t, as he’d asked me if I wanted to drive out to the Ranch together, but who knew. Maybe he liked having me around as the third wheel to provide entertainment. I was good at it. I’d been Jenna’s and Brad’s third wheel for years. I even ended up with them on their wedding night—in the emergency room. Poor Brad ate some strawberries by accident and had a major allergic reaction. It was so romantic, the three of us all night. Jenna and I cuddled up on the couch to watch late-night TV talk shows and discuss if this was a bad omen for them while we watched her new husband go from looking like a puffer fish to the adorable goofball he normally was. Fortunately, it hadn’t been. Unlike me, they weren’t cursed.
I ended up declining Sawyer’s offer for a ride because being the third wheel was getting old, and I was doing that butt kicking thing by doing my best to distance myself from him. I almost wished I hadn’t agreed to go camping with him the coming weekend, but all our friends were on board and I knew Mom would love that we were all getting together to remember her. She would love that I was there with Sawyer, though I had to believe she could see by now it was a lost cause. I’d finally come to that conclusion myself.
I cranked up my radio and tried to get in a good frame of mind. After all, there was a wedding to witness before our “family” barbecue. Carrington Ranch was a popular place to elope or have a planned wedding. We had a wedding officiator on staff all summer for any lovebirds ready to take the plunge at a moment’s notice. Our new officiator happened to be Sawyer’s older brother, Ashton, who was also a wrangler for the Ranch. Ashton had moved back to Colorado a few months ago from Las Vegas, a little down on his luck. He was recently divorced and had lost his job at the construction company he’d been working for. Like Sawyer, Ashton was a fun-loving guy and seemed like a hard worker so far. Not sure how Josephine had managed to raise such nice men. Maybe their dad was nice, but according to Sawyer, he wasn’t. He blamed his dad for his parents’ divorce. I knew infidelity was involved but that was about it. Sawyer had such bad feelings for his dad he rarely spoke of him, even though he apparently lived in Edenvale. Come to think of it, I should despise his dad too. If they’d stayed married, I might have only known Josephine as Sawyer’s mother and I would have avoided her like Diet Dr. Pepper. It was full-on sugar for me baby, or nothing.
I took the main entrance into the Ranch today. After this little soiree I would swing by and talk to Mom. No sense showing up in tears.
The Ranch was alive and full of people. Lovers and families could be seen walking in pairs or clusters along the well-worn dirt paths. Some looked as if they had just come back from the lake in bathing suits and wet hair. There were others on horseback and some playing volleyball. I loved this place. Honestly, growing up here had been like a storybook full of happy endings. I tried to remember that and hold on to those memories. Mom would always say that things were rarely as bad as they first may seem. I’d tried to believe that about Josephine, even though I felt Dad was moving on way too soon and that a decent person would have waited to put the moves on a man who had just lost his wife. But Josephine was happy to tell anyone who would listen, which was getting fewer and fewer, that she couldn’t resist her handsome man and all she wanted to do was heal his broken heart. Then she would lean into Dad and practically knock him over. What was with these women leaning on the men in my life?
Was it awful for me to say that I’d hoped Dad’s heart would never fully heal? I knew mine wouldn’t. I didn’t think it was supposed to when someone who was such a part of you died. Sure, you were supposed to learn to cope and move forward, but you didn’t move on from them. You continued to carry them with you. Was Dad still carrying Mom with him? I couldn’t say for sure, and that broke my heart even more.
I took a deep breath and chanted out loud, “Happy place, happy place, happy place.” For Mom’s sake I would be happy. It’s what she always wanted for her children, so despite how life wasn’t turning out like I’d hoped, I would find a way back to my happy, or find a new happy.
