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He was right. After all we had been through, I shouldn’t have left without speaking to him, no matter how damning the evidence appeared.
I opened my flooded eyes and nodded. “He is.”Chapter Nine“I can’t take it.” Emma grabbed onto my arms and gave me a gentle shake. “I. Need. Sugar.”
“Darlin’,” I took her hands and held them firmly in my own. “The first couple of days are the hardest. You’re almost through day two.”
“I can’t do it. Today I begged Sawyer to drink some Dr. Pepper so I could kiss him right after, just to get a little hit.”
I tried to suppress my laugh. “Did he?”
“NO! He said he wouldn’t be my dealer.”
I squeezed her hands. “After our exercise class, we are going to go back to the house and split a 100 percent dark chocolate bar dipped in almond butter. It will help curb your craving.”
She squinted. “That sounds awful.”
“We could broil a grapefruit,” I suggested as an alternative.
She shook her head. “This is what hell must be like.”
I laughed. “You got this. I promise you, in a week, you won’t give Dr. Pepper a second glance.”
“Shelby, I love you, but you might be the person I end up killing at the end of this.”
“Just make it painless.” To be pain free at the moment would be a godsend. I wasn’t sure which hurt worse, the guilt or the all-consuming loss.
Emma pulled me to her and hugged the air out of me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you right now. Have you seen him?” she whispered in my ear.
I shook my head against her. “I think he’ll be doing his best to stay away from me for the remainder of his stay, and probably the rest of his life,” I choked out.
She patted my back. “You never know. I mean, Sawyer married me even though my dad divorced his mom and I want to stab something every time I hear her name. Not to mention I accused his brother of stealing and adultery in front of a large audience.”
A small laugh escaped me. “True, but you didn’t skip town without a trace. Or accuse him of cheating on you with . . . yourself.”
“Well . . . okay, that’s definitely worse, but—”
“No buts.” I pulled away from her with the fakest of smiles. “I made my choice and now I must find a way to come to terms with what a horrible, awful person I am.”
“Shelby, you are one of the sweetest people I know. I mean, heck, I couldn’t even hate you when I thought you were trying to steal my man.”
I cringed and bit my lip. Another reminder of how clueless I could be, or maybe blind was a better word. I saw the signs between Emma and Sawyer, but because of their unusual connection at the time, I ignored it because I was hurting and hoping Sawyer could help me heal.
With Ryder, I was so hurt and infuriated about those pictures I didn’t stop to think about how uncharacteristically kind my parents were behaving. Or how they had everything lined up for me so I could start over here in Colorado. Pain had blinded me. I’d desperately wanted a quick fix. I should have known my love for Ryder wasn’t going to go away easily, or perhaps ever. I should have been brave enough to confront him. Running from problems never solved them. I knew that. Now I was paying the price for it.
“Emma, I deserve to think ill of myself.”
She placed her hand on my arm. “That should be directed toward your parents.”
Oh, believe me, I had directed some feelings toward them. I had left them some very unladylike messages. They hadn’t had the decency to answer when I called the first time, or even respond to my message. Like they somehow knew this was all going to come out. It made me wonder what else they lied about over the years.
“I have enough feelings on the subject to loathe all of us,” I responded.
Emma rubbed my arm. “I promise it will be okay. My mom used to say just because you can’t see how it will work out, doesn’t mean it won’t.”
I sighed. “Maybe Ryder was right—I did him a favor.”
Emma shook her head. “I can’t believe that. I saw those pictures.” She wagged her brows.
I bit my lip, embarrassed. “We always had . . . chemistry.”
“That’s a word for it.” She laughed.
“It’s not the only reason we loved each other,” I cried. He loved me, as in past tense.
“Aww, Shelby.”
I stood up tall, though I was anything but proud of what I had done. “Let’s go do some cardio.” I reached for her hand and pulled her into the dining hall. The place reminded me of a lodge, with all the stone and the large fireplace in the center. There were already several women there in varying types of workout apparel ready to burn some calories. Emma knew a few of them so she left me to set up while she spoke to them.
