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Chapter Fifteen
Caitlyn paced back and forth as she spoke to Jenna on the phone. Thank God she had someone to talk to about what she’d done. She’d been flipping out by herself for a couple hours by the time she thought to call her best friend. In Caitlyn’s jumbled head, Owen was already out with some other woman, and she’d been forgotten. “I should call him, right? Reassure him that we’re not over.”
“When did you suggest he leave?”
Caitlyn checked the digital clock on her oven. “A few hours ago.”
“He’s going to think you’re indecisive if you call him this soon.”
“I am indecisive,” Caitlyn said. “I thought I wanted time to find myself, and yet within ten minutes of him walking out the door, I’d already decided that I’m an idiot. I can figure myself out some other time. Not now. Now is not the time to find myself. Tomorrow would have made more sense.”
“This is like Charles all over again,” Jenna said in her voice of reason. Caitlyn hadn’t listened to it in college, so what made Jenna think she’d listen to it now?
“He’s nothing like Charles,” Caitlyn said. “Owen is kind and considerate. He’s always lifting people up instead of bringing them down. He’s cool and funny and ridiculously attractive.”
“And great in bed.”
“Yeah, whatever,” she said, though his sexual expertise was an undeniable fact. “That’s not what I miss about him. I miss his smile and his laugh. The way he says my name.”
“Oh my God, Caitlyn.” Jenna’s voice burst through Caitlyn’s daydreams of Owen. “You’re in love with him.” It was an accusation, one that made Caitlyn’s breath catch. “How could you let this happen? You just got divorced.”
“I know. That’s what I’ve been telling myself all weekend. I shouldn’t let myself have feelings for him yet; it’s too soon. I know it’s too soon.” And yet she definitely felt something for Owen. A lot of something. And it wasn’t just lust.
“At least you have a bit of sense. It was smart of you to put on the brakes when you did.”
“I don’t feel smart, I feel lonely.” She traced the edge of the kitchen counter with one fingertip, staring down at the swirled marble surface but not really seeing it. “What if he forgets about me?”
“He won’t; how could he? You’re fabulous. And if he cares about you, he’ll wait a little while. You don’t need to see him again right away.”
“Even if I don’t see him, I should call him, right? Let him know I’m still interested.” Like she had when Lindsey had shown up and Caitlyn had run from him. She hadn’t lasted fifteen minutes before she’d called to make amends. Did that make her a pathetic loser? “I just need an hour or two to figure myself out, decide what I want to do with my life.”
Jenna laughed. “An hour or two? I’ve been trying to figure myself out for thirty-two years, and it still hasn’t happened. I have no idea what I want to do with my life.”
“I’m afraid if I don’t call him, he’ll think I dumped him. I don’t want him to think I dumped him. I didn’t mean to dump him.”
“Is he really going to go off and date some other woman right away? He won’t do that if you mean anything to him. He’s probably as torn up about this as you are.”
Or more so. And she knew enough about him to realize he healed his ego with women and his heart with food. She didn’t know which she’d damaged more—his pride or his sentimentality.
“He definitely has his choice of women,” Caitlyn said. “And he loves going to sex clubs.” The collection of her kitchen-fantasy implements still resting on the kitchen island caught her attention. Had it really been only yesterday that he’d taken her over that stool and spanked her while he fucked her?
“Caitlyn? You still there?”
“Yeah.”
“Promise you’ll listen to my advice.”
“I’m listening.”
“You have to wait at least forty-eight hours before you call him.”
Caitlyn cringed. “What? No, I can’t wait that long.” Why had she sent him away in the first place? She could have waited and sorted herself out while he was on tour. Granted, the man was an expert at mixing her emotions and lust into a frenzied slurry, but she wouldn’t have spontaneously combusted in the twelve hours they had remaining together that weekend. “How about two more hours.”
“Two days, Caitlyn, not two hours. Why did you send him away if you’re only going to beg him to come back?”
“I don’t know—that’s why I called you. You’re supposed to help me figure this mess out.”
Jenna sighed. “I’m trying, but you aren’t listening. Take a deep breath.”
Caitlyn gulped air and leaned against the kitchen sink, gazing out the window. She stared at the glass roof of the gazebo, her thoughts instantly replaying making love with Owen beneath the stars. That was when she’d started to care about him. She’d been brimming with emotions the entire time and had woken the next morning still feeling tenderness for him. Wasn’t the morning after supposed to be awkward? Wasn’t she supposed to have come to her senses after a good night’s sleep rather than losing them altogether?
“Repeat after me,” Jenna said. “I, Caitlyn Marie Mattock.”
“Hanson,” Caitlyn corrected. She’d decided to go back to her maiden name in the divorce.
“Even better. Say it.”
“I, Caitlyn Marie Hanson.”
“Do solemnly swear.”
Caitlyn repeated the words.
“Not to call Owen for forty-eight hours.”
“Not to call Owen for . . .” Caitlyn hesitated.
“Caitlyn?”
“Twenty-four hours,” she said. “That’s more than long enough.”
Jenna released another sigh, but apparently decided not to press the issue. “Okay, now set an alarm on your phone and under no circumstances are you to call him until it goes off.”
Caitlyn figured that for the next day she’d be staring at her phone alarm like it was the countdown on a doomsday device. “Okay.”
“Stop thinking about him,” Jenna said, and Caitlyn snorted. “And use this time to think about what you want. You don’t have to give up everything to be with him.”
“I wasn’t planning on giving up everything.”
“But you were considering it.”
Her friend knew her too well. Caitlyn couldn’t deny she’d been wondering if it was time to retire and sell her house and follow a rock band around the country. And that might make her happy for a little while, yet she needed more in her life than a man to love. But she did want a man to be a part of her life, and that was something she hadn’t anticipated wanting ever again after her marriage had fallen apart.
She chatted with Jenna for a few more minutes, fighting the urge to wax poetic about the time she’d spent with Owen—she really was pathetic when she was newly in love. As soon as they said their goodbyes, she followed Jenna’s advice and set the alarm on her phone. She was glad she had to work the next day. That might keep her mind off Owen for a few hours. But then, there were plenty of memories of him in her office, the elevator, and her car. There would be no escaping him.
