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Chapter Five
Jessica rolled onto her side, her arm sliding across the expansive mattress beside her, searching for the warmth of Sed’s body. When her fingers found only cool sheets, she lifted her head, gaze landing on the red numbers of the digital clock. Five twenty-six?
She rubbed her eyes and sat up, thinking Sed might have gotten out of bed to use the bathroom or get a drink of water, but no lights were on. Had she missed his waking with his habitual nightmare? That sound of fear he always made just before he shot up beside her had never failed to rouse her before.
The patio doors that led outside were wide open, so maybe he was outside. But he was supposed to be taking this time off his insane touring schedule to get some rest. She was determined to spoil him all week, and in her mind that included them both sleeping until noon. And that meant that they had more than six more hours to snooze.
Jessica stumbled from the bed, shivering as the cool air from outside blew against her naked skin, and wrapped the sheet around her body. Tucking in one corner of her cover at chest level, she walked out onto the small patio outside the bedroom and looked for signs of her overworked husband, hoping he hadn’t been out there half the night thinking about his dad or worrying about the guys or the European tour. Sed was always so busy taking care of everyone else, it was as if he didn’t know how to take care of himself. So that would have to be her job now—taking care of him. Even if he didn’t yet feel that he could confide all his worries to her.
She didn’t see him at first. The sun had yet to break the dawn, and the moon and stars were concealed by a blanket of clouds. A shadow moved on the far deck that overlooked the beach and the endless ocean. Sed, naked, gazing out across the water, his hands wrapped around the railing. He didn’t move as she stepped off the patio and hurried across the lawn. The dewy grass felt wet and cold against her bare feet. She was pretty sure that he didn’t hear her approach, even though the strong onshore breeze flapped the sheet against her legs.
She stopped just behind him, watching him for a moment. He was definitely off in another world, but it was too dark to see his features clearly.
“We were supposed to go sailing tomorrow,” he said unexpectedly. “Before I left for Europe. I promised I’d take him sailing.”
“Sailing? With who?”
“Dad,” he said breathlessly.
Her heart twisted, as if the hitch in Sed’s voice had reached directly into her chest. Sed’s father hadn’t been gone for long, and the pain Sed had felt at Phil’s passing was still harsh and raw, and even though Jessica hadn’t had time to get close to her father-in-law, she felt his absence because it affected Sed so deeply.
“You were?” She closed the distance between them and pressed the side of her head against his upper arm. His skin was like ice. How long had he been standing out there? “You never mentioned—”
“Because with everything going on with the wedding and the tour, I’d forgotten.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “That’s what kind of son I’d become. One too busy to remember promises I made to my dad at Christmas. One too self-absorbed to even spend the holidays with him. I missed his last Christmas, Jess.”
“You had no way of knowing it would be his last.” She knew her words wouldn’t make him feel better.
Sed caught her hand, his grip tight. “I bought him a nice sailboat for his birthday several years ago to replace the rust bucket we sailed when I was young.”
“How come I didn’t know you were a sailor?” Seemed like something he would talk about.
“Because I haven’t gone for ages. Dad and I went out in the new boat a few times before things got crazy with the band, and every time I talked to him, he’d ask when we were going sailing again. So I promised we’d take a trip while I was home last Christmas, but with the canceled and rescheduled shows, I had to put him off again. Then I promised him we’d go between our US and European tour dates, and I completely forgot about it until tonight when I dreamt of him asking about our trip.”
“Another bad dream?” She rubbed his back, wondering why he’d been so reluctant to tell her he was dreaming about disappointing his dad.
“No, this wasn’t a nightmare. It was a good dream. Dad was happy. He wanted me to go sailing without him. So I left him on the shore and watched him get smaller and smaller as I sailed away. He never stopped smiling.”
Not his usual nightmare, then, but definitely a sad dream.
“Maybe you should go. Use the time to say goodbye. Honor the happy memories you have of sailing together.”
“Maybe.” He released a deep breath and turned his attention toward the sea again. Jessica snuggled closer to his side, hoping to share some body heat. At least she had a sheet to block the cool predawn breeze. Sed was entirely nude.
Jessica doubted she could say anything to make him feel better but hoped being with him provided the support he needed.
“You should go back to bed,” he said after a long moment of silence.
“Only if you come with me.” She squeezed his hand. She would hold him, watch over him as he slept, if he’d let her.
“When I told him you proposed to me on a sailboat in San Francisco Bay, he said, ‘You’ll go sailing with her, but not with me.’ He wasn’t getting on my case.” Sed chuckled softly. “He’d rather have sailed with you too.”
She seriously doubted that, but she smiled at the happiness in Sed’s tone. Sed hadn’t been able to talk about his dad with anything but anguish since Phil had unexpectedly passed away.
“Do you know how to sail?” she asked.
“I took a few lessons. And Dad was always trying to teach me better technique, because sailing was his favorite pastime. He was far better at it than I was.”
“It sounds fun.”
“It’s very relaxing,” he said. “Well, once you get on course and the wind is filling the sails it’s relaxing. Until then, it’s a fair bit of work.”
Relaxing? Yes, Sed needed to relax. He worked hard, always giving his best. Jessica had hoped staying at the beach house would provide him an oasis of peace until they had to return to real life, but if he was up before the sun and staring out at the blackened ocean, he was obviously in turmoil.
“I’d like to go,” she said, though honestly she couldn’t imagine that being out in the endless ocean in a little boat would be relaxing—chartering a boat in a bay, now that was completely different. But she’d be alone with Sed. Truly alone out on the water. And nothing could make her happier.
“Or would sailing on your dad’s boat be too hard for you?” She squeezed his hand, promising not to push. Whatever Sed decided, she’d stand by his decision. She figured taking the boat out might make him feel less guilty about missing his sailing adventure with his dad, but it might have the opposite effect. Everyone grieved differently.
“I’m not sure.” He stood unmoving for a moment and then laughed. “Dad would have loved for you to go sailing with us. He tried to get Mom to go for years, but she’s afraid of the water.”
“I’m not afraid.” A touch nervous, perhaps, but not afraid. With Sed beside her, she wasn’t afraid of anything.
He shifted her in front of him and pressed up against her back. He kissed her ear, his breath teasing the tendrils of hair at her temple. “We’ll have to go someday.”
“How about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? But it’s our honeymoon. Your mom rented this great place.”
Which still baffled Jessica. She should probably call her and thank her for her generosity. The place was perfectly romantic and secluded without being isolated.
“It will be here when we get back. We’ll take a day trip. Where’s the boat docked?”
“Long Beach.”
A mere twenty miles away; that was totally doable. She said, “We could sail out to the barrier islands, Catalina or one of the other Channel Islands. I’ve always wanted to see them.”
He leaned against her. “That could be fun.”
?
??And romantic. We can pack a lunch and you can show me how to sail. You can also keep your promise to your dad.”
“But he won’t be there.”
“Yeah, he will. Not in body but in spirit.”
His arms tightened around her waist, and he pressed the side of his face against her head. “I love you, Jessica Chase.”
“Lionheart,” she reminded him.
“Jessica Lionheart.” His hands slid down to her lower belly, cradling the life they’d created together. “You’re the love of my life, the mother of my children.”
“Child,” she corrected, sliding her hands over his.
“Could be twins,” he said. “Or triplets.”
“That kind of talk will earn you years of celibacy,” she said, but she’d love to have Sed’s twins. Maybe even his triplets. She frowned when she remembered she had only two hands and did require occasional sleep. Not triplets, then.
“One baby is a good start,” he said.
