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“Roux!” Iona said sharply, trying to remove her hands from Tamara’s throat.
It was like Roux was watching this from a distance. Surely she wasn’t pummeling the hell out of another human being. She wasn’t snarling like a caged beast and cursing a trail of obscenities with each blow. It couldn’t have really taken three grown men to finally subdue her. Even when she found herself pinned facedown on the floor and unable to move, she was still completely out of control, thrashing and screaming as if she’d escaped a padded room but been recaptured to be sent back to her sad, solitary confinement. She’d completely lost it. Just like her father. Exactly like him. If there hadn’t been someone to stop her, Roux was certain she would have killed Tamara. Not just hurt her. Killed her.
Just like her father had killed.
Like her father.
All the fight went out of her, and she began to sob. Even then it took the man with his knee in her back several minutes to trust her enough to free her.
Lily was the one who got to her first and pulled her into a tight embrace, stroking her hair and murmuring in a soothing tone.
“I’m sorry,” Roux said through her tears. “I’m so sorry. Oh God, did I hurt her?”
“Not any more than she deserved,” Raven said.
“I could have killed her.”
“Nah,” Iona said. “We wouldn’t have let it go that far.”
“I’m pressing charges,” Tamara said, dabbing at the blood on her lip with a napkin.
“I wanted to hurt her,” Roux said, completely inconsolable. “I wanted to destroy her.”
“Get in line,” Raven said. “If she thinks you hit hard”—Raven cracked her knuckles—“she doesn’t realize you’re the sweet one.”
But Roux couldn’t claim that title any longer. She’d never felt such uncontrollable rage. Yes, the woman was half responsible for destroying every wonderful thing between her and Steve, but that was no excuse. What had set her off like that?
“Well, now you know for sure that you should never drink.” Iona crouched down beside Roux and rubbed the center of her back.
“I think she should drink more often,” Azura said, a smartass grin on her face. “I know a few bitches I’d like her to beat the fuck out of.”
Tears brimmed in Roux’s eyes, and she shook her head. The mere thought of hurting someone made her physically ill, where ten minutes ago she’d have told the bitches to form a line and let the ass kickings begin. Had it really been the alcohol, or was something inside her broken? Had her entire life, her entire belief system of never harming another living creature, been a huge sham? Had she just been fooling everyone, including herself? She really was her father’s daughter.
“I think I need to throw up,” she said, grabbing Raven’s arm to pull herself to her feet.
“I’ll help her,” Lily said. Raven, who’d already taken her usual spot at Roux’s side, exchanged a long searching look with Lily and then stepped aside.
Roux started toward the bathroom, leaning heavily on Lily, but realized she wasn’t going to make it and began shoving her way through the crowd with one hand over her mouth. Thankfully, the women’s bathroom was deserted. Lily held her hair back as she purged the poison from her stomach and then wet a paper towel for Roux’s forehead. Roux’s hands were shaking so badly, she dropped it several times before Lily sat on the surprisingly clean floor beside her and urged Roux to rest her head on her lap, gently pressing the cool towel to Roux’s skin. Roux took deep breaths to calm herself, but she couldn’t stanch the sudden flow of tears.
“I’m just like him,” she whispered, her gaze unfocused. She rubbed her sore knuckles with her opposite hand.
Lily wiped at her tears with the paper towel and stroked her hair. She was a pretty good substitute for Mama in a bind. “Just like who, sweetheart?”
A fleeting image of his enraged faced as he pointed that gun at her chest and pulled the trigger flickered through her memory, and a wave of terror washed over her. “My father.”
“No, love. You’re much stronger than he is.”
But not less terrible.
“Do you know why I play drums?” Lily asked, her hand still hypnotically petting Roux’s hair.
“You have perfect rhythm.”
A slight smile graced Lily’s lips. “I like to hit things. Hard and repeatedly. When Mama first took me in, I’d hit anything I could get my hands on, including her.”
“Because your mother used to hit you?” The sisters knew each other’s past horrors and what had brought them to Mama. There were no secrets between them, but Roux hadn’t realized Lily had been a hitter.
“Yes. That’s how I learned to deal with my anger, and back then I was always angry. But instead of making me stop, Mama gave me an outlet. Something I could hit as hard as I wanted and as often as I wanted until eventually the anger lessened. The urge to hit never went away, though.”
“So my urge to kill Tamara when I’m drunk will forever haunt me?”
Lily laughed softly and hugged Roux’s head against her belly.
“Jack wants me to have a baby,” Lily said.
Roux gasped and wrapped her arms around Lily’s waist. “Oh, Lily, that would be wonderful.”
“I refused.” Her eyes flicked upward, and she swallowed hard.
Roux sat up and knelt on the floor, taking Lily’s hands in hers. She could tell her eldest sister needed someone to confide in.
“What if I get mad at my child and I start hitting and I can’t stop? What if I’m just like my mother?”
Roux squeezed Lily’s hands tightly and shook them. “You’re not like her, Lily. You’re nothing like her.”
Lily’s eyes were brimming with tears when she cupped Roux’s cheek in her hand and held her gaze as she said, “And you’re nothing like your father.”
Roux pressed her eyelids shut, which released a few tears to trace hot paths down her cheeks, and she nodded.
“But you really shouldn’t drink,” Lily added. “It doesn’t suit you.”
Roux released a short laugh, more an exhalation of relief than humor. “I won’t.”
They hugged it out until there was a knock at the door. “Are you two okay in there?” Iona asked.
“Be out in a minute,” Lily called. She helped Roux to her feet and to the sink, where Roux washed her face and rinsed out her mouth and avoided looking at herself in the mirror.
“Are you going to try to give Jack that baby he wants?” Roux asked as she dried her hands.
“I’m sure I’ll cave eventually.” Lily chuckled. “You know I can’t deny that man anything.”
“Auntie Roux.” Roux tested the name for the first time. “It has a nice ring to it.”
When she opened the door, her four other sisters were standing there with anxious expressions. Again she was reminded how lucky she was to have these women in her life.
“Are you ready to go back to the hotel?” Raven asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.
“Shouldn’t I wait for the police?” She hadn’t forgotten Tamara’s threat.
“Dare convinced her not to press charges,” Iona said.
“Dare did?”
Sage sighed loudly. “Such a nice guy. And gorgeous too.”
“Nope,” Iona said, looping her arm through Sage’s to direct her toward the door. “It’s bad enough that Roux hooked up with one of them. We are not going down that road twice.”
Hooked up? And past tense? Roux felt like she might throw up again. She wasn’t quite ready to give up on Steve. She at least wanted to hear his side of the story before she ended their relationship.
“Your purse,” Raven said, and she handed Roux’s bag to her.
Roux didn’t hesitate to dig through it for her phone. She had a missed call from Steve, but he hadn’t left a voicemail.
He had texted her one very infuriating message, however: Please tell me you didn’t see those pictures.
Not a denial. Or eve
n an apology.
“That motherfucker,” Roux muttered under her breath. She stomped out of the tavern behind her sisters.
Thirty-Three
By the time Steve returned to the bar, almost everyone had left. Logan, Max, and Dare were still there, and for some reason they were talking to Tamara. She’d looked better. She had a split lip and a darkening bruise on one cheek. When she smiled at him, he had the sudden urge to add a matching bruise to her other cheek, but he ignored her instead.
“Where’s Roux?” Steve asked his bandmates. “Was she here? What happened?”
“She was pissed,” Max said. “She beat up your girlfriend.” He pointed at Tamara. “And then she left.”
“My girlfriend?”
