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Chapter SevenCordI can still taste her in my mouth, and it makes me want to take more from her, but it also makes me want to give her everything. But first, we need to talk. “Are you ready to talk, baby?”
“Yes.” she answers, her voice one of defeat. I don’t like it. Lifting her chin, I lean down and give her the barest of kisses.
“Hey, none of that, my love. You didn’t lose anything. I finally found you. Now talk to me, Phillipa. Why have you shut me out the last four years?” She bites her bottom lip, causing my cock to stir right up against her thigh.
“I just...I just didn’t know how to handle the disappointment, Cord. We had this whole plan and it all turned out the way we wanted until it didn’t. I felt like a failure. Like it was all my fault.”
“Why would you think that? It takes two, baby. I am hurting too, Phillipa. But I thought we would go throw this together. Instead, you locked me out. That hurt more than anything. Losing my wife. The other half of my soul. Did you miss me, at all?” I hear the anger in my voice, and though I know I should be more understanding and reassuring, I can’t help the emotion. A part of me, wants to understand. But, the other part of me, wants her to hurt too.
“I know, Cord. I ached for you every day, but I didn't know how to deal with it. There was supposed to be more than us filling the rooms of this house. We should be chasing kids around, taking walks to the park. Going to little ballet classes, making cupcakes. I… I just... froze. I was stuck in time, with nowhere to go. I know it was selfish to turn away from you. God, Cord. I know that. But I don’t know. It just seemed easier to do it alone.” her pain, evident, but so is her remorse.
“I love you, Phillipa. Children, no children. We make a family. Kids are a bonus. You know something else; I have been thinking about this a lot. I think where we went wrong was in the planning. We had this nice neat map of how everything was supposed to go, from when to propose down to when we would start our family. The truth is, we should have just lived and let nature take its course. So, how about this...from this moment forward, we just...be...us. Two people that love each other and can’t live without one another. Can you do that?” my heart beats waiting for her answer. I don’t think I could take her pushing me away again.
“I would love that.” she answers. For the first time in four years, I feel like the air has been restored to my lungs and I am no longer reaching, trying to find a raft, something to stop me from sinking.
“Cord?”
“Yes, baby.”
“I am sorry. I lost my way, Cord.”
“It’s ok, baby. I will always find you.”
“I know.” she says before falling asleep. I kiss her head, and drift off with her, wrapped around her, knowing that it is meant to be.Chapter EightPhillipaFive Weeks Later“Good morning, baby. Time for your doctor’s appointment.” he says kissing my neck and whispering in my ear. I have loved waking up to him like this or between my legs, drinking his ‘protein shake’ as he calls it. As good as it feels, I miss all of him being inside of me. I complained to him about this last night, sure that he was punishing me for all the time we missed. He simply looked at me, kissed my nose and said, “I am not punishing you, because that would be punishing me. I just don’t want to hurt you. So... until the doctor says you are fine, you will just have to enjoy my tongue. Same excuse he gave for not letting me suck him into my mouth.
Stretching, I am about to roll over and kiss him back when I feel like everything, I have eaten for the past week is escaping from inside me including a few organs. Bolting to the toilet, heaving over and over, as Cord rubs my back telling me it is going to be ok. My whole thought is…’like hell it is.’ I don’t say that of course but hell, this has been every day and it is not letting up. When I finally feel like I have been depleted of all of my insides, I clean myself up, watching as his worried face looks at mine through the mirror. “I don’t like this Phillipa.”
“I know, babe. But I am sure it is nothing.” I say this to him, not wanting him to worry, but the truth is, I am worried.
We sit in the waiting room of the doctor’s office for twenty minutes; the whole time Cord is impatient and tapping his foot. “This is fucking ridiculous. How long…”
