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That first scream felt so good, I release another.
There.
That’s for our car falling to pieces and the zero dollars in my bank account and the bleak state of my future job prospects if things go south with Lockwood Construction. That’s for the loser guys I’ve dated and the loser man who cared enough to get my mom pregnant but not enough to stick around. That’s for Mr. Harris and his leering stares at the motel. That’s for Jeremy leaving. That’s for Ethan being in that bar the night I was at my most desperate. That’s for me choosing him over every other man. That’s for the fact that I wish I could hate him as much as he hates me.
I pull in oxygen like I’ve been held under water for hours. My lungs swell and then empty while my heart pounds against my ribs.
I feel better.
Those screams were good for my soul.
I look down at my phone in my hand and don’t even bother. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I have things to do. I’m going to turn this cabin into a home, and I’m going to start by picking wildflowers. There are a million around me, more than I’ve ever seen. I go for the big fat yellow ones and pluck up as many as I can hold in one hand, then I start in on some tiny white ones that look like miniature daisies. There’s a bucket in the mess hall I fill with water and carry back to the cabin. Once it’s overflowing with flowers, I plop it down in the center of the desk.
I arrange my toiletries in the bathroom, claiming half the counter space on the sink and making it perfectly obvious that I’ve returned and belong here. I might as well have drawn a lipstick heart on the mirror.
My bed is made with clean linens and looks so inviting, and because I have nothing better to do and haven’t had a decent night of sleep in what feels like years, I climb up onto that bunk, close my eyes, and am dead to the world in a matter of moments.
I sleep hard and wake up so early Saturday morning, it’s still dark outside. All the troubles I ran from last night come rushing right back, so I have no choice but to get moving in the hopes that they can’t keep up. I turn on the lantern, make my bed, shower, and head toward the mess hall. From helping out around mealtime, I know how to find what I’m looking for. There’s some cereal and milk and I pour myself a small bowl, feeling guilty for taking any at all. Surely they won’t mind, right?
I eat it outside while the sun starts to rise.
Then, I try to call home once more, and it connects and starts ringing! But then, no one answers, and hope slips right through my fingers. How dare they sleep at a time like this?! So what if it’s ungodly early?!
When it goes to voicemail, I leave a message.
“Hey Mom, I’m not sure if you’ve talked to Jeremy yet. He said he was going to call you once he got back to Oak Dale since cell service is so bad out here. He and Khloe are moving to San Antonio. Khloe’s pregnant. It’s…yeah…he’ll do a better job of explaining everything. He’s going to be a dad. Did I already say that? Anyway, I’m calling because I won’t be coming home this weekend. I didn’t want to be stranded in Oak Dale on Monday morning and miss work, so I thought it was better to stay. Anyway…” I look down at the ground, brows furrowed. “I miss you guys.”
The voicemail cuts me off, and it’s just as well because I was already starting to ramble, the feeling of homesickness brewing up inside of me not something I want to indulge. It’s a glorious Saturday and I have absolutely nothing on my agenda. I can do whatever I want! Well, I can do whatever I want while stranded in the middle of the forest.
In a pure stroke of genius, I tromp back to Rose Cabin and grab a fresh towel and some clothes I don’t mind getting wet. I’m headed back out the door when my attention catches on Ethan’s paperback, a book by Brandon Sanderson. Without a second thought, I snatch it off his bed and carry it out to the lake with me. I stay out there most of the day, reading and lying out in the sun. When I’m feeling my bravest, I creep toward the edge of the lake and dip my toes in. It’s freezing, but after sitting in the sun for so long, it’s refreshing and the water is so clear and inviting, I can’t resist. I dive in and swim until my limbs start to ache. Then I head back to shore, towel off, read, and repeat the same process until my stomach is aching with hunger. In the mess hall, I fix myself a sandwich then take my book outside to sit where we’ve been gathering after dinner the last few days. Usually Mike plays his guitar and we get a nice flame going in the firepit.
