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“Maybe,” I say, unable to keep the smile off my face.
He chuckles and shakes his head. “Suits me either way. Maybe when I’m finished with this roof, I’ll come down there and coax you out of that bad mood.”
It’s a promise that has my spine tingling, and I decide maybe I won’t throw in the towel just yet. If he’s so intent on coaxing me, there’s no point in telling him I’m not quite so mad anymore. In fact, I’m not mad at all.
I considered things quite a bit while I was lying awake in Ethan’s arms, listening to the rain, not just about my relationship with him and how we’ll navigate this tricky situation, but also about what could have happened if things had played out differently with Grant. If Ethan hadn’t handled the situation, I would have been stuck dealing with him myself. How long would I have had to suffer? Grant wasn’t the first man to mistreat me like that. I’ve dealt with men like him in all of my previous jobs, and it seems to be so easy for them to back me into a corner. They can say and do whatever they want because they know how badly I need the work. Without much education, I’m in a desperate position, and they take advantage.
I want things to be different, but they never will be. The root of the issue is that I have no options. My jobs have always been lifelines. As long as I’m living paycheck to paycheck, as long as I remain unqualified for any work with more stability and advancement opportunities, I’ll find myself back in this position.
Helpless. Angry. Easily preyed upon.
My high school counselor handed me that pamphlet for online classes months ago and I disregarded it because, at the time, it seemed impossible.
Now, well…maybe it’s not.
Suddenly, I’m rushing back into the cabin to throw on clothes.
“Hey, where are you going?” Ethan protests.
“I’ll tell you later!” I shout, letting the door slam closed behind me. I feel panicky and excited and hopeful, like my chest might burst open. I haven’t felt this way in a long time and I’m not going to stop to let doubt and insecurity wind their way through me. I throw on my jeans and boots and a t-shirt then I’m running back down the trail, my hair whipping in the wind behind me.
The ground is a muddy mess from all the rain and the crew is already getting started cleaning up what little damage the storm caused. The sunny skies will help dry things quickly, but even still, there are branches scattered around the jobsite and some debris that needs to be removed before they can continue working.
Hudson is overseeing everything and I run straight for him, heart thumping wildly in my chest.
“Hey Hudson! Would it be okay if I borrowed your laptop?”
He shrugs. “I’m barely on it. Use it for as long as you need.”
“Thanks!” I say, already turning to run in the opposite direction.
“Hey, wait! Why are you in such a rush?”
I’m rushing because it feels imperative that I keep the ball rolling. No second-guessing myself, no debating whether or not this is actually possible.
In the trailer, I sit down at Hudson’s desk, boot up his computer, and immediately pull up a website I haven’t gone to in years. There, at the top of the page, I hover the cursor over Course Calendar and click.That day, one major life decision rolls into another. I’m on fire, feeling like I haven’t felt in years, possibly ever. After I finish on Hudson’s computer, I borrow Ethan’s phone to call my mom, confirm she got my most recent paycheck, and then inform her that I’ll need her to leave a little bit of it in the bank for a bill I have coming in the next few weeks. With the rest, she’ll still be able to get the car out of the shop, finally, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. (Well, that’s a lie…it would have been nice to have it these last few months, but I won’t let anything spoil my positive mood.)
With only two weeks left in her program, she tells me she’s already started shifting the furniture around in the trailer and carved out a little niche for a small salon. Right now, it’s not much, just a mirror hanging on the wall over a small vanity she got for free from one of our neighbors. She mentions her school was selling off some of their used salon chairs and she hasn’t purchased one yet, but I insist that she should, even if it means holding off on the car.
Her dream is to own a big salon one day, but right now, operating out of the trailer makes more sense. She’ll be able to keep costs down for her clients since she won’t have to spend money renting out a space.
