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‘Oh my God, Ryan.’ I turn away, panicked. ‘I told you I couldn’t put them at risk. I told you they’re better off not knowing.’ He didn’t listen to me. He didn’t respect my wishes.
‘You have to trust me, Hannah. Your family are at no risk. But you are. If you don’t have this closure, you’ll never be able to move on. Not truly. You’ll always wonder, What if. I can’t let you do that to yourself.’ He turns me back around to face him. ‘It’s the final bit of peace you need, Hannah. Let me give it to you, I beg you. You need it.’
‘You spoke to my sister,’ I mumble. ‘She knows I’m alive?’
He nods, and my mind blows further. I swing away from him, unable to think straight, and come face-to-face with . . . ‘Oh my God.’ My hands cover my mouth, my legs giving out, forcing Ryan to lunge to save me from collapsing.
‘Katrina.’ My sister’s eyes well with tears, her chin trembling, her whole body shaking.
I cough over my emotion, just staring at her, amazed to be this close. ‘Yes,’ I sob.
And at the exact same time, we move forward and crash into each other’s arms, crying on each other uncontrollably. ‘I’m sorry,’ I weep. ‘So sorry.’ I feel her head shake into me, her body jerking against mine.
She pulls away, her hands feeling at me everywhere, her eyes following, like she can’t quite believe I’m here and she has to keep touching me to convince herself. I feel the same. She makes it to my face, ghosting her finger across the stitches on my cheekbone. ‘Everything you’ve been through.’
I pull her hand away. ‘I’m okay. Please,’ I plead, not wanting to taint this moment with everything ugly. ‘I’ve been watching you,’ I tell her, needing her to know I’ve been with her so much. ‘Every Saturday morning when you took Mum for a walk, I was there with you.’
More tears fall down her cheeks, her disbelief evident. ‘You look so different. You look like when you were a teenager, all messy and chaotic.’ She says it over a laugh, holding my arms out to the sides so she has the best view of my outfit. ‘Oh God.’ We come together again, embracing each other fiercely, making up for years of missed hugs.
She looks past me, and I follow, finding Ryan back on the wall, just watching our reunion silently, letting us have our moment. I don’t think I could love him any more than I do. ‘You must be Ryan.’ Pippa releases me and steps forward, holding her hand out. ‘I recognize you. You were here last week.’
Ryan nods, flicking his eyes to me as he starts to rise.
‘Please, don’t get up,’ Pippa says.
Of course he ignores her, and my sister flinches with me when she sees Ryan’s struggle. ‘Him?’ she whispers, her eyes on his hand over his thigh.
‘He came off a lot worse,’ Ryan tells her, steady and strong and with that hint of madness in his tone. ‘Trust me.’
‘Good,’ she says, dropping her hand and moving in on Ryan, carefully wrapping her arms around him. ‘Thank you.’
‘Don’t thank me.’ He holds her with his one spare hand, his eyes darkening.
I move in, if only to distract Ryan from the anger I can see igniting again. ‘How’s Mum?’ I ask, hoping I’ve not read this wrong. If my sister is here, then surely Mum is still here, too?
‘Hanging on in there,’ she tells me, releasing Ryan and motioning to the door. ‘You ready to see her?’
I stare at the doors to the care home, reaching for my throat to massage the lump away. And I nod, taking in air. ‘Yes.’
‘Come on, then,’ Pippa says, starting up the path.
I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, following her on unsteady legs. I don’t need to look back for Ryan. I can feel him close by.
Pippa signs us in, and the receptionist smiles brightly at me, though I’ll be damned if I can return it. We get let through the automatic doors. I’m led down a corridor, and I manage through my haze to recall the cosy décor. It’s still cosy.
We reach a door. My sister takes the handle, looking back at me with a faint smile. She pushes her way in, while I remain on the threshold, scared to go any farther. I see a nurse by the sink in the corner. Flowers in a vase on the nightstand. And then my mum in her bed, tucked in tightly, her eyes closed. She looks so peaceful, and it offers me some respite from my pain.
‘How is she?’ Pippa asks the nurse, placing her bag on the chair in the corner.
The nurse smiles sadly. ‘I was just going to call you. I don’t think she’ll make it through the night.’
