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There’s nothing left to do. I push my mouth to his and swallow his broken groan, linking my arms around his neck and pulling us close together. And I’m lost in him.
All our resistance in recent days pings like an overstretched elastic band, and suddenly we’re mad and clumsy, rushed and frenzied. He kisses me with a hard passion, our heads tilting, our hands fumbling in each other’s hair, our feet clumsy as we stumble toward his bed. We crash down in a heap, and he’s quickly rolling us so he’s beneath me, giving me full control. Not that I know what to do with it.
Reaching for my legs, he guides them over his waist so I’m straddling him, and I get the first dash of contact from his erection on the inside of my thigh. I whimper into his mouth, lifting my hips and lowering my upper body onto his chest. My arms frame his head. My boobs squish into his pecs. My wet hair falls onto the pillow. His hands on my back. The feel of his arousal resting between my thighs.
It’s sensation overload. I rip my mouth from his, leaving him panting, and find myself frantically kissing every part of his face – his chin, his cheeks, his nose, his brow. This hunger in me is new. It’s out of control.
It’s him.
‘Hannah,’ Ryan wheezes, taking his hands into my hair and trying to pull me back. My hair is pulled as a result, but the sharp pain doesn’t stop me, my crazed appetite for Ryan getting the better of me. ‘Hey.’
I’m suddenly flipped to my back and pinned to the mattress by his body blanketing mine, and I blink, getting him in focus. The vision of him breathing down at me, his wide shoulders and thick biceps caging me in, doesn’t help my cause. He’s built well, muscled and tall, yet he’s gentle. He’s rough but soft. He’s just wonderful, and now he’s gazing down at me knowingly with that small crooked smile. I force my hands over my head, scared to touch him again, scared to lose my mind.
‘Let’s slow this down, shall we?’ He drops his lips to the corner of my mouth and kisses me tenderly. ‘There’s no rush.’
My starvation disagrees. I don’t want these feelings to end. ‘You shouldn’t be so irresistible.’
Ryan laughs lightly as he shifts his legs and uses them to spread mine. ‘I love how frank you’re being with me this evening.’ Settling between my thighs, he lays his arms over mine above my head and pecks the end of my nose. My perfect nose. ‘I don’t want our first time together to be a desperate rush. Though, to be clear, I’m pretty fucking desperate for you.’ He’s in better control of himself than me. I don’t know why that stings a little. It’s not because I’m easier to resist for him than he is for me. I know that’s not the case. Is it because he’s used to these feelings of ecstasy? Does he have them frequently, whereas I have never had them? I flinch, hating where my thoughts are taking me. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asks, not missing my inner unrest.
‘Nothing.’ I force a smile.
It doesn’t wash, and his eyebrows are suddenly high. ‘Hannah, you can tell me anything.’
He’s wrong, but rather than refute him, I give him just a tiny scrap of me to appease him. And to get him off my case. ‘It’s been a long time for me,’ I admit, cringing at the sound of my confession. God, how pathetic does he think I am? ‘Five years and two months, to be precise.’
‘That’s pretty precise.’
I look away, utterly embarrassed. What if he thinks I’m terrible in bed? What if this is the one and only time I get to have all these feelings? What the hell am I thinking? Urghhh, I’m no good at this. ‘I’m just sayin—’
His lips are suddenly on mine, effectively silencing me with another kiss. ‘Just take a breath. Can’t you tell already that this is going to be amazing?’ Biting my lip, he tugs playfully. ‘Do we need protection?’
I shake my head.
‘And I’m assuming since it’s been a while, you’re—’
‘Clean, yes.’
‘Me too.’ He smiles at my urgency and immediately shifts his hips, falling to my entrance. I breathe in quickly, tensing. ‘I said, take a breath, Hannah. Relax.’
Relax, relax, relax. Take a breath? Then he should stop stealing it. I use everything I have to talk myself down, and my body softens as his mouth opens and invites me in again. I go with ease, humming around the swirl of our tongues as Ryan inches forward a tiny bit, pushing into me. I flex my hands, and he moves his, lacing our fingers together and squeezing until they’re fists. I know his plan, and it’s fine by me. He’s bombarding my senses again, making it impossible to focus on just one thing. Like the fact that he’s pushing forward again.
