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“Jack?” I said.
“Uh, yeah. Ben really wanted to see you guys, and we were in the area.”
I saw Ben poke his head out from behind Jack’s muscular leg. He waved, then started scanning the restaurant for Griff. The two boys did an adorable running tackle hug when they saw each other and started chatting excitedly about something at Griff’s favorite booth.
I stared in disbelief. My heart was threatening to pound out of my chest, and I was still worried I was imagining this. “You were in the area? In Florida? What were you doing here?”
“A vacation,” Jack said. He seemed stiff and uncomfortable.
“Oh,” I said, feeling myself deflate a little. “Are you hungry? We could get you a sandwich. Maybe some bread? Or soup?”
Jack pulled out a barstool at the counter across from the kitchen and shrugged. “Okay. Surprise me.”
I went to the computer and plugged in my table’s order, then picked out a medley of my favorite menu items for Jack. I felt a little PTSD kick in from the last time I’d tried to feed him. That had ended with me getting a view of his back as he rushed out of my apartment and my life.
“Thirsty?” I asked.
“Water’s fine.”
The boys were still chatting and had gotten out napkins to draw on. It felt surreal. I could torture myself by imagining this was my reality. Some pseudo-reality where Jack had moved to Florida with me and helped me run the restaurant by day and threw shut outs by night for his baseball team.
I built up my nerve as I walked over to him with the cup of water. Don’t be a wuss. Don’t be a wuss.
I sat down beside him. “Jack…” I said slowly.
Jack swallowed. He looked like he didn’t want to look at me. His hands were clenched in front of him and his eyes were fixated on his knuckles.
“I miss you,” I said.
“Yeah.”
“Are you really on vacation?”
“No.”
“Did you come here to see us?”
Jack finally lifted his eyes to mine. I could read all the conflict in them. “I’m not sure why I came. But Ben has been happy as hell ever since he found out we were coming. I don’t know. Maybe Chris Rose convinced me this was a good idea. But he’s an idiot, so I don’t know why I listened.”
“For an idiot, Chris seems to give a lot of good ideas to a lot of people. Well,” I said, thinking to the disaster my dinner cleavage apology had turned into. “Mostly good advice.”
“I want to be honest with you. I think that’s what I need to do,” Jack said.
“Okay…” I waited, watching as he clearly struggled to choose the right words.
“The reason I pushed you away isn’t because I don’t want you. I do. Fuck,” he shook his head, nostrils flaring as he took in and let out a heavy breath. “Wanting you isn’t the problem. Well, it is in a way, I guess. Ben’s mom left before he ever knew her. He was obviously too young for that to hurt him, but I promised myself I wouldn’t let someone else leave him like that. Every time I saw him struggling to fit in or be normal, I blamed myself. Why hadn’t I found him a mom who would stay?
“It was like I’d fucked up the very first and most important job as his dad. So I promised it would be the last time. No more temporary moms. Just permanent. And yeah, I’ve dated since. But I never let anyone get close to him. Not like I let you. And I saw a glimpse of how good it could be, but I also started to see how bad it would be if—when—things went wrong and you left. So I had to end it before things went too far to stop them.”
“And how do you feel now?”
“Like I’m torn between what I should do and what I want to do.”
I picked at a chipped spot in the wooden countertop. “I understand.”
Jack let out another heavy breath, then looked toward where Griff and Ben were talking. “I wanted to offer to help you. That was the other reason I came. I know asking you to leave your job wasn’t a financial situation you expected.”
I felt the air of hope start to seep out of me. That’s what this was. It wasn’t a romantic, crazy trip to Florida to get me back. It was a pity trip. He wanted to bail me out because he’d probably guessed my business was flopping.
“I don’t want to take your money, Jack. Thank you. But I got a loan. I’ll be okay.”
Liar.
“Well, at least let me do something that’s not exactly a handout. Damon has a PR team for each of his players. I’m sure I could get him to at least set up a few phone calls with a branding expert. Maybe they could help you get a head start on the marketing side of things.”
