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Fuck.
Charli gave my hand another squeeze.
“So,” I continued. “I was almost out the front door and I heard something giving out in the ceiling. I just threw you as far as I could. Probably gave you a hell of a bruising but a bunch of flaming wood fell on me right after that. Only reason I got out of it was because I was planning to try to go back for your mom. But the stairs were gone by the time I got up. Everything was gone.”
“I’m so sorry, Cassian. I—”
“No. I let myself blame you because it was easier than the alternative. But I’ve seen who you are. There was no way for me to save my dad. I realize that, now. He’d have done the same thing a hundred times, even if he knew how it played out. And I finally don’t blame him.”
“Why?” Charli’s eyes looked watery, but she was holding back the tears.
“Because I’ve seen who you became. Strong as hell. You stand up for yourself, even when a dick like me tries to put you down. You were worth saving, Charli. You were worth everything.”
She let out a shaky breath, then the tears started to fall as she buried her head in my chest and let me hold her. I squeezed her to myself tight, looking out over the water.
I’d thought forgiving Charli would feel like betraying my dad. Instead, it felt like I finally understood him. I felt more whole than I had since the fire, and all it made me want to do was hold her tighter.
I squeezed her into my chest. “Has the ship still sailed?”
Charli sniffled. “The ship is starting to wonder if letting the determined little rowboat catch up would be the worst thing in the world.”36CharliI was in chemistry class when movement at the little window in the door caught my eye. Zoe was there and gesturing for me to come out into the hallway.
I glanced at the board, knowing it was less than ideal for me to step out in the middle of one of my worst subjects, but I raised my hand and asked if I could use the restroom.
“Is everything okay?” I asked once I was outside the room.
Zoe, who normally looked calm and collected at all times, seemed different. She pursed her lips, then shook her head. “It’s Clint. He told me what happened with Cassian.”
“Yeah. It was messy. But I wanted to make sure Clint knew everything. You were right.”
“There’s something else.”
“Okay?”
Zoe took a deep breath, then chewed the corner of her lip. “I think Clint and I like eachother.”
My eyes widened. “You… And Clint?”
“I know. I know, and I’m so sorry if this is tacky. You guys just broke things off and—”
“Hey,” I said, laughing. “If you two like each other, that’s amazing. Okay? But I appreciate you telling me.”
She let out a sigh of relief, then squeezed me in a too-tight hug before leaving. It was only after she left that my mind played a cruel game of connect the dots.
I’d already pretty much known Zoe liked Clint, but I didn’t realize he liked her. Somehow, that made it feel more real. It also made me more certain that she would think I was the worst friend in the world if I ever forgave Cassian. I mean, he’d basically used Clint as a punching bag on multiple occasions, not to mention the other hundreds of horrible things he’d done.
I thumped my forehead into the wall. That was it, wasn’t it? If I chose to forgive Cassian, I’d be pushing Zoe away. If I chose to keep Zoe as my friend, I’d have to push Cassian away for good. I couldn’t even go to Zoe for advice on what to do, which left me with Marne.
I caught up with her during lunch. She was sitting at our usual spot outside. I half expected Cassian to come find me and drag me back inside like he had last time we’d come close to being official, but he didn’t. After our conversation by the river, I wasn’t sure what to think.
Marne frowned. “Where’s Zoe? And where’s your lunch? You do realize food isn’t supposed to be optional. Not with our biology, at least. Take a bear about to go into hibernation, on the other hand—”
“No bears today, sorry, Marne. I was hoping to get your advice on something.”
She shrugged. “If it’s about disposing of bodies without getting caught, I can help you. But it’s important that you know all the knowledge I have on the topic comes from TV shows and books. And a little extracurricular research I did online to fact check.”
“Uh, no. It’s about Zoe. And Cassian. And Clint, too, I guess.”
“Ew. A foursome?”
I sighed. “Forget it. I’ll figure it out myself.”
Marne held up her palms. “Okay, okay. I was kidding. What’s the problem?”
