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I straightened my tie and headed for them, shouldering past anyone who stood in my way.
Someone small got between me and them and I nearly ran them over. I was about to push her out of the way when I recognized her. “Bree?” I asked.
“Landon,” she said slowly. “You know, you look like you’re about to kill someone.”
“One or two someones, maybe,” I said, not looking away from Andi.
Bree followed my eyes and nodding knowingly. “Jealousy sucks. One time, I think I was like fourteen? I was dating my first real boyfriend and he was kind of a manwhore. So I just kept getting more and more jealous, like I thought I could stop him from being a slut by ordering him not to talk to anyone. Within a few weeks, I was literally having this conversation with him about why I didn’t think he needed friends if he had me. Yeah. Just saying, jealousy is a dangerous, slippery road.”
“I’m not fourteen. I’m also not jealous. I’m—” I took a long, deep breath. I’m being an idiot, is what I would’ve said if I was honest. I fucked up so badly that I don’t know what to do anymore, so I just showed up like a lost puppy hoping for one last morsel of attention it knows it doesn’t deserve.
Her eyebrows shot up. “You know,” she said softly. “She told us everything.”
I nodded.
“And she’d be an idiot to forgive you. Or trust you. Or even like you, after something like that.”
I nodded again.
“But you’re here.”
Just past Bree, I could see Andi laughing about something with the other guy.
Andi’s sister put a soft hand on my shoulder and gently led me to the side of the room. She looked up at me like she was the older and wiser one who was about to give me some much-needed advice. “Look. I’ve been rooting for you in this thing. But there is kind of a spectrum of screw ups. There’s, ‘oops, I left dinner in the oven too long and now we have to get takeout,’ on one end. On the other end, there’s, ‘by the way, your adoptive grandfather is actually my dad.’”
“I get it. I fucked up. Royally. And I’m supposed to give up because of it?” I shook my head, teeth clenched. “I can’t do that.”
“No. But when you screw up as much as you did, it takes more than just bull-headedly forcing yourself back into her life. Take a few seconds to breathe. Think about what you did. Ask yourself what you’d need to do to earn her forgiveness. Because I’m pretty sure acting like a jealous asshole isn’t going to cut it.”
I sighed. Bree was right. I hated to admit it, but she was. I’d been watching Andi and Tommy the whole time she was talking. I thought I’d do my best to be good to Andi if she gave me another chance. I’d take care of her and appreciate her. But I’d thought the same of women I’d dated in the past. Maybe the level of intensity had been entirely different, but I’d never entered into a relationship thinking I’d wind up growing cold and pushing them away.
What was to say I wouldn’t do the same to Andi? And now I’d be pulling her away from a guy who would probably treat her right—a guy who probably wasn’t so internally fucked up that he couldn’t stop himself from ruining good things when they came along.
“Is that your thinking face?” Bree asked. “Because you’re just kind of glaring off into the distance and I can’t tell if you’re still planning to murder Tommy.”
“You’re right,” I said. I reached down and ruffled her hair before leaving.
I had to remind myself a dozen times to not turn around and step between Andi and Tommy.
I needed to get out of there, and I needed to do it before I could change my mind. I knew what I had to do to start making this right. God knew if it’d be enough, but whether Andi forgave me or not, I wanted to be able to live with myself.23AndiI had to admit I was surprised when Landon never showed his face again. The wedding had been yesterday, and I’d never quite shaken the sense that he was going to confidently appear at any moment and melt Tommy with a glare. I think the idea that Landon would swoop in and destroy everything had inadvertently turned into a safety net for me. I let things with Tommy keep going, simply because I kept assuming Landon would show up to end it.
I’d spent the night talking and laughing with Tommy. He had let me listen to some of his drumming, and we’d even created our first inside joke after a waiter tried to take my drink away because he thought I was underage. At the end of the night, he’d walked me back to my room and I knew he was waiting to know if I was going to let him come in or not. And when he’d leaned in for what could’ve been a kiss goodnight, I hugged him instead.
