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“I’m surprised you can watch this without cringing.” I giggle.
“Don’t even go there.” Becca groans, covering her face with her hands. “You know, I don’t think they even realize to this day that we saw that.” She gives me a sympathetic look as she pours us both a drink. “So, what happened?” she asks. “Because you totally made it sound like Matt tried to set you up with Doctor Hottie.”
“Yep,” I say, nodding grimly. “Even worse than that, it was a dinner party. Couples hell and no escape.”
“No way!” She giggles, her eyes growing wide. “I’m sorry, but this is gold, Loz. This even beats slouch on the couch night.”
“Oh, it gets better. You know what he said to me? He’s getting a good vibe from me that I’m a buzz to be around.”
Becca clutches a hold of her stomach as she dissolves into laughter, tears streaming down her cheeks. She shakes her head and puts her hand out as if saying she’s sorry. Hell, even I’m smiling, because I can almost see the funny side of it now. Almost…
“He said that? Loz, I love him. If you’re not going for it, then I sure as fuck am.”
“Keep your panties on. Nobody loves anyone,” I assure her.
“So, what did you do?” she asks.
I shrug helplessly. “What can you do when your brother tries to set you up with someone who’s been elbow deep inside you before the first date? I panicked and ignored him.”
“It’s okay,” Becca says. She takes my hand, locking hers around mine. “This feels like a much bigger deal than it has to be. You said yourself that he’s only staying with your brother while he gets set up, right?”
“A few weeks,” I tell her.
“So, this really is only a short-term problem, then,” she reasons. “He’s obviously not that close a friend, or you would’ve met him years ago.”
“True,” I say, nodding my head.
“So, once he leaves, you’ll never have to see him again. Until then, just don’t hang out at your brother’s house.” She shrugs. “Problem solved.”
“You’re right,” I say, feeling better. “Just a few weeks and the problem solves itself.”
“Exactly.” Her eyes shine. “Now if you actually wanted to see how dirty that doctor—”
“Becca.”
“I’m kidding.” She giggles, winking at me.
I smile at my friend because, crude comments and all, she always manages to cheer me up.
“Thanks for coming over to calm me down.”
“Anytime.” She shrugs. “Besides, it’s a great excuse to watch trashy movies that we really should’ve grown out of years ago.”
I get up and put the movie in, then sink back down into my spot, resting my feet in Becca’s lap.
“You know what I find really amusing?” She giggles as she rubs my feet. “You avoid situations that make you uncomfortable like the plague, yet you keep finding yourself submerged in them. It’s kind of hysterical.”
“And then there are people like you, who’ll do anything and everything and never have to deal with any of the consequences, at all,” I tease her. “You’re like the female version of my brother.”
She shakes her head ruefully.
“Speaking of which, how are he and Annie doing?”
“They’re doing well, although she hates everything about being pregnant,” I say with a grin.
Becca is silent for a moment. “Hey, does it make you jealous at all?”
Her voice is soft as she studies me. I shrug knowing that I can’t lie to my best friend. As much as I deal with it because I have to, it’s still a sensitive subject for me.
“Sometimes, it does…” I pause, considering how I’m feeling for a moment. “I don’t know that jealous is the right word. Bittersweet, maybe? Most of the time, I’m genuinely happy for them, but every now and then, the selfish part of me comes out, and I get really angry at them for getting something I want so badly, so easily.”
I reach up and wipe away a tear that I didn’t even know had formed. Just when I think I’ve come to terms with not being able to have kids, something makes me see that I haven’t.
“It’s okay to be sad,” Becca says, frowning at me. “Bottling it up isn’t good for you. You can be happy for someone and sad for yourself at the same time, you know.”
I shrug. “I know, but it’s not going to change anything. Being upset that they get to have a baby doesn’t mean that I can, so why bother being angry? It is what it is. Deal with it and move on.”
She pushes my feet off her lap and climbs over to me, wrapping her arms around me.
“That’s a very mature way of looking at it,” she says, smooching me on the cheek. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
I smile at her.
I wish I felt that way.By the time the movie’s over, it’s too late for Becca to go home, so I convince her to stay. We curl up in my bed talking about nothing until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. I roll over, asleep before I’ve even had a chance to properly snuggle into my pillow.
