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“Why we doing that?” she asks. “These ones fit.”
“Because you will grow between now and then. I want you to be able to wear them longer.”
“I’m getting so, so big. My birthday I’ll be this many.” She holds up her hand, showing me five fingers.
“I know. Five years old, you’re practically an old woman.”
“No, that’s Gram,” she says seriously. I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.
After we pay for the shoes, I stop at the mall directory and look for this Build-A-Bear place. It’s not too far down from the shoe store, so I head that way.
“You smell those cookies?” she asks me.
I smile down at her. “Sure do. How about we shop a little more, then grab some lunch? We’ll save the cookies for dessert.”
“Yay!” she cheers. “Can we take one to Mommy too?’
“Sure thing, princess.” We continue walking in the direction of the bear place when Paisley stops and looks up at me. “What’s up?” I ask her.
“Thank you so, so much for my shoes. I forgot to say that.”
“You’re welcome. Let’s go see what else we can get into. Let’s buy something for Mommy. You got any ideas?”
“I don’t know. What do you think?”
“I think we should get her something she needs, like your shoes. Do you remember her saying anything that she would like to have?”
“Hmmm,” she says, thinking.
“Shoes or clothes, something for school?”
“She was yelling at her computer today when I was being loud. It did something to her homework.”
“What did it do?”
“She said it froze it. I don’t know how that happened because it wasn’t cold when I touched it, but then Mommy told me not to touch her computer. That it was on its last leg. I didn’t tell her this ’cause she was already sad, but computers don’t have legs. Not that I can see. Do computers have legs, East?” she asks.
“No, that’s an expression people use when something is about to break forever.”
“Oh,” her mouth forms an O.
Looking up, we just happen to be standing in front of an Apple store. I know Larissa has an iPhone, so this should work great. Twenty minutes later, we have a new computer, with a pink case, that Paisley picked out, in hand.
“Now what?” she asks.
“Well, I have a surprise for you. It’s this way,” With her hand in one of mine, and our purchases in the other, we head toward Build-A-Bear. When we stop outside the store, she shrieks.
“East! Can we go here, can we?”
“This is your surprise.”
“I love you,” she says, launching herself at my legs and wrapping her arms around them, squeezing me tightly.
I see a few patrons raise their cell phones to get pictures. Her shriek must have tipped them off. Either that or someone from one of the other stores must have put it on social media that I was here. Ignoring them, I guide Paisley into the store. “Okay, princess, let’s build that bear.” We spend a few hours building the perfect bear and picking out accessories. We opt to get cookies to go, and grab something for us to eat at my place. She’s exhausted and I get no arguments. Apparently, bear making makes you so, so tired. We make one more stop for some Bath & Body Works lotion and body spray for Larissa, then head home. We’re barely out of the lot before she’s fast asleep.When Easton left with Paisley, all I wanted to do was sit around and cry. My laptop, which is as old as I am—well not really, but I bought it used and it was outdated then—keeps freezing up. It’s taking me more than double the time it should take to get these assignments in. To top it off, I yelled at my daughter and took my frustration out on her. I feel so damn guilty. I feel guilty that Easton has her for the day when I’m her mom. I should be able to handle this, but this week has been rough, and I just… lost it for a little bit.
Needing to get out of this house before I go stir crazy, I pack up my laptop and books, then pack a bag with my swimsuit, and some clothes. I throw in the essentials and something for Paisley as well. I know she packed her bag, but she’s four. It’s hard to tell what she put in that thing. At the time, I didn’t care. I just needed a break. I hate that feeling. I love my daughter more than life, but damn, it felt like the walls were starting to crumble. Easton showed up just when we needed him.
That brings me to now. I’m sitting at Easton’s dining room table, my laptop and books spread out, music playing on my phone, and a glass of wine in hand. I hesiatate before drinking it, knowing I need to drive us home later, but I know Easton will let us stay here, or drive us home. He’s solid and dependable, and everything I could want in a man. That made it easy to fall head over heels in love with him. Too bad I’m too big a chicken to tell him.
