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Carefully, I lift him from her arms and cradle him to my chest. He stretches his little body but snuggles right back into my hold. I stare down at him in awe. I can’t believe this little person is part of me. I wish I could remember that night. Not for the connection with his mother, but it makes me feel like shit that I can’t even remember the night I made my son. Shaking out of my thoughts, I walk to the playpen and softly lay him inside. I stare down at him, making sure he’s going to stay asleep.
“Hey.” Her arms wrap around my waist from behind. “You good?”
I turn to face her, holding her close to my chest. “Never been better. Thank you for staying with me. Not here in our home, although I’m thankful for that too, but for staying by my side through all of this.”
“No place I’d rather be.”
“It’s still hard for me to wrap my head around it. I see it in his eyes, in his nose, but I can’t remember it. I feel like I’m in some alternate universe. I mean, shouldn’t I be able to remember even a glimpse of… that night?” I ask, not really wanting to talk about my time with another woman with the love of my life, but that’s the situation that we’re in.
“Most people have more time to adjust to the concept of being a parent. You didn’t get that time.”
“I don’t know, Gabs. It just doesn’t feel real to me.”
“We’ll know soon enough. I called today and made your appointment for tomorrow; they had a cancellation. I took care of your schedule. The results take two to three days to come back. We should know for certain this week.”
“You moved my schedule?”
“Yeah. I assumed you would have noticed it today.”
“Yeah, about that. The only thing I noticed was the time on the clock and how much longer until I got to come home to you. To both of you,” I add, thinking about the baby sleeping just behind us.
“Well, we’re glad you’re home.”
“Me too, baby. Let’s go eat before it gets cold and the little guy decides it’s time to wake up.” With my arm around her shoulders, we walk side by side to the kitchen where I left the Chinese food. We stand together at the island in the center of the kitchen, not even bothering with the stools.
“You love me,” she says, taking the items out of the bag. I don’t think she even realizes she said it, and I know why she’s saying it, but the words still ring true. All the way to my soul.
For the first few minutes, we’re both quiet as we both scarf down our food. “How was your day?” I ask once I stop shoveling in my food to take a drink.
“Good. Gwen and Sophia came to visit. They wanted to meet Milo.”
“I bet Soph loved him.” I smile as I think about our niece.
“Oh, she did. Gwen’s finally decided she’s not going back to work.”
“Damn, I bet Harrison is thrilled. I know he wanted her to stay home but didn’t want to choose for her.”
“Yeah, she wants to spend as much time with Sophia as she can. It wouldn’t surprise me if they announced baby number two soon.”
“Me either.” I chuckle. “I know he’s more than ready.”
“She is too. She says no more than three, but you know how they are. Chances are they’re going to have their own baseball team.”
“I don’t know about that, but I do know they both want more. They’re great parents.”
“They are. Speaking of, Gwen volunteered to watch Milo during the day while we work.”
“Yeah? What did you tell her?”
“Nothing. I told her I had to talk to you first. I thanked her and told her we would let her know.”
“Why? Gwen is the perfect person to watch him. They can make some extra money with her not going back to work, and we can trust her with him. It’s a win-win in my book.”
“I agree.”
“Okay, what am I missing here?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t want to make the decision for you. He’s your son, Chase.”
This situation could not be anymore fucked up. “Gabby.” I wait for her to look at me. When she doesn’t, I try again. “Gabby, can you look at me?” This time she slowly lifts her gaze to mine. “We don’t know if he’s my son.” She opens her mouth to argue, but I hold up my hand to stop her. “We don’t know. Sure, he looks like me, but damn it I don’t remember sleeping with her. I just don’t know,” I say, shaking my head. “However, if he is mine, that means he’s yours too.” Abandoning my food, I turn to her. Placing my hands on her hips, I set her on the counter and step between her legs. “I’m in love with you, Gabby. Not because you’re here helping me take care of that little boy in there, but because of you.” I place my hand over her heart. “I love waking up with you in my bed, and I love coming home to you even more. Whatever happens, I need us on the same page with this. If I am his father, Laura left him with me. You are a huge part of my life, and I need you on board with me with this. If I’m his dad, then I want you to be his mom. She gave up her rights, so we can look at adopting, whatever it takes, but never, not for one second think that I don’t value your thoughts or opinions on Milo. Hell, on life.”
