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“Fuck you,” he whispers, making everyone giggle.
“I don’t think I’ve heard this one,” Gabby says, her hand rubbing circles on her belly.
“And you’re not going to,” Colton replies, turning and looking at me. “You ready to go?”
I glance over at his younger brother and have to admit, I’m really curious. “Actually…”
Chase and Harrison laugh, while Colton just closes his eyes and groans. “I’m not getting out of this, am I?”
“Nope. Just tell the story, big brother. Tell your girlfriend all about how you got chickenpox in high school.”
“What was her name again? Cori? Candy? Clarissa?” Harrison asks.
Colton is silent for a second before he confirms, “Calena.”
“Ahh, yes, that’s it. Calena,” Harrison says, proudly bouncing his daughter on his knee.
“Calena gave my brother the chickenpox,” Chase tells me, a wide smile on his face. “Tell her where, Colt.”
“Yeah, Colt, tell her where,” Harrison chimes in as if they’re a comedic duo telling a big joke.
“Mom doesn’t want to hear this,” Colton insists.
Connie laughs. “Mom’s already figured this out, Colton.”
Colton’s dad, Wes, sets his tea glass down and adds, “Besides, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. I mean, you had chickenpox on your peter….”
I gasp and glance at a mortified Colton. “Seriously?”
Gabby giggles. “She gave you chickenpox down under?”
Colton holds up his hands. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this at the dinner table. And in front of my son,” he argues, glancing over at Milo, who’s sitting in the high chair, happily gnawing on a cold teether.
“Leave him out of it,” Chase contends, “and just tell your girlfriend about your itchy peter.”
“You have to tell the story now, Colt. These two will never let it go. Or worse, they’ll tell the story how they want to,” Gwen says, a knowing grin on her face. She knows her husband and his best friend well. Even I know they’ll tell the story with tons of embellishments, all not very flattering to Colton. That’s what little brothers do, right?
“Fine,” he grumbles, looking down at his empty glass—anywhere but at us around the table. “I was seventeen and dating a girl name Calena. She didn’t know yet she had chickenpox,” he says, glancing my way.
“And I take it, she gave them to you,” I deduce, not wanting to draw out his misery anymore.
“On his little willy,” Chase bellows with a laugh.
“It’s not so little. I got all the good Callahan genes,” Colton argues, giving his brother a smug grin.
“I’m not so sure about that,” Gabby chimes in as she fights her own smile. The way she looks at her husband tells me all I need to know about something I really don’t want to know anything about.
“That’s right, baby,” Chase croons at his wife and nods.
“Tell them,” Colton says, and I realize he’s talking to me.
“What?” I gasp, my eyes surely bugging out of my head.
“Tell them who clearly is packing the heat below the belt,” Colton instructs, leaning back with his own smug grin.
“I will not!” I insist, my eyes connecting with his parents. I can feel the blush already taking over my face.
“The blush says it all,” Colton tells his brother as he pulls me into his side and kisses my forehead.
“Anyway,” Chase interrupts, “as my delusional brother was saying, he got itchy dick from his girlfriend, but didn’t realize it was the pox until Mom had to take him to the doctor.”
Colton groans. “We’re back on this?”
Chase just looks at his brother. “We never left it, Colt. You just tried to distract us with talk about your little dick.”
“Wait, you went to the doctor?” Gabby asks, her eyes dancing with humor.
“Oh, I had to take him. It was about three or four days later when he started a rash,” Connie says, telling the rest of the story. “I caught him discretely scratching his area several times, and I was afraid it was something else.”
“Crabs,” Chase adds.
Connie nods. “You never know, and I wasn’t going to let my son have a crab infestation.”
“Jesus,” Colton mumbles, rubbing his forehead. “It wasn’t crabs, okay?”
“Well, we know that now, don’t we?” she says to her son. Then, she looks at me and adds, “We didn’t know it at the time. I suspected he had something going on down below because he started to get a rash on his thighs and lower stomach, so I took him to the doctor to get a prescription. I didn’t want him spreading crabs to the family through the toilet seat.”
“It was chickenpox! I had it everywhere, not just on my groin!” Colton hollers, startling Milo in his high chair. The baby starts to fuss, but when Colton goes to take him out, he starts to reach for me. Colton just glances my way, a small smile playing on his lips as he nods for me to step in and take the fussy baby.
