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“Is this where you tell me I’m making a mistake and that I’ll never be able to forgive myself?”
“No. This is where I give you the facts, and I just did that. I’m not in the position to pass judgment. We are all entitled to our feelings and we all deal with them in our own ways.”
“I-I didn’t expect that.”
“We all have shit in our lives, Dawn. We deal with it the best that we can. With that being said, I’ll also tell you that Mark loves you. I don’t know if he’s said the words, but regardless, it’s true.”
“I miss him,” I confess.
“Then call him. He’ll be right there.”
“I know he would be. I just need to think about why I pushed him away. Even to me my reasons seem farfetched.”
She laughs. “Always when it comes to the heart.”
“You seem like you’re speaking from personal experience yet again.” I know she’s hiding something, but I’m the new girl, so I don’t know if she’ll open up to me.
“Yeah,” she says softly. “Let’s just say that I was once presented with a situation that both wrecked me and scared the hell out of me. I pushed. I ran, and looking back, I know that wasn’t the best of choices.”
“I’m here for you.”
“I know. I appreciate that. Things are good, and I’m back on track, which I know sounds cryptic as hell.” She chuckles. “Right now, let’s worry about you, that baby girl, and Mark. Oh, and food. I’m going to grab a shower and bring you some lunch.”
“Thank you, Amelia. I truly can’t tell you how much you being here means. You can head home when you’re ready. I just… I knew he would never leave if he thought he was leaving me here all alone.”
“No thanks needed. That’s what friends are for, and you’re right. He wouldn’t have left.” Her voice sounds funny, but I don’t question it. “I’ll see you soon.” The line goes dead, and instead of putting my phone back in my purse, I send an olive branch to Mark. I tell myself it’s because he deserves to know since he’s been here from that first night. To be honest, I just miss him.
Me: Daisy gained another ounce.
His reply is immediate.
Mark: That’s my girl. We’ll have her home in no time.
We’ll. He has no way of knowing what that word does to me, or how badly I wish that he’s our future. He probably doesn’t even realize how he said it.
Me: I hope so.
Mark: Say the word and I’m there, Dawn. I miss you. Both of you.
Tears prick my eyes. I miss him so much my heart aches.
Me: I miss you too.
Mark: Does that mean I can come back?
I smile through my tears.
Me: How about you take a few days, then we can talk again? I won’t keep you from the
hospital, but I needed you to get back to your life.
Mark: You’re my life.
Oh. My. God.
Me: Can we talk? In a few days? Just give us both some time?
I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m letting my heart rule when I need to be listening to my head. He needs to move forward. However, I can’t help but think about what Amelia said. She pushed away too and the regret in her voice was tangible. I think a few days for both of us will be good. He can see that being away from us is not as bad as he thinks and me, well, I know it’s bad.
I’m feeling his absence everywhere I look. If he still wants to be here in a few days, if he’s still just as adamant that he wants to be a part of this, I’m going to let him. He deserves the right to make his own choices. I had no right to take that away from him, but fear does crazy things to you. The fear of needing him and then him leaving. The fear of loving him so completely that my heart will never recognize another.
Mark: I don’t need a few days, but if that’s what it takes to see you.
Me: Thank you.
Mark: Give her a kiss from me, and this one’s for you.
He adds a row of kiss emojis and I can’t help but smile.
Me: Will do.
I’m sure it’s not what he was hoping for, but I need to give him these next few days. Give him time to think and ponder.
“Who’s putting that smile on your face?” Lynn asks.
“Mark,” I tell her honestly.
She nods. “He’s one of the good ones.”
“You think so?”
“Oh, honey.” She laughs. “If you could see the way he looks at you and that little girl in there. How many men do you know would do what he’s done for her?”
The guys in our small group flash through my mind. “Maybe a few, but they’re his best friends.” I shrug.
“Are any of them single?” she asks.
“Two of them are.”
“How many are there?”
“Five.”
“Do they all look like Mark?”
“Pretty much.”
“Damn.” She laughs.
“You have no idea.”
“So, you said only two are single, that must mean that you’re not letting him go so easily.”
“I don’t want to, but he’s a single guy who until a week ago was dating a single girl with no baggage. I’m no longer that girl.” I don’t know why I’m pouring my heart out to this stranger. Then again, she’s giving excellent care to Daisy and has been with us this week. She’s no longer a stranger in my eyes. She’s just… an outsider maybe.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. He’s not a single guy. You said it yourself. He’s a man, dating a woman that he obviously cares about. Let him decide.”
“Then what happens when he leaves?”
“Then you know.” She shrugs. “You can live your life always worried about what’s around the next corner. I know you’ve been through a lot with just recently losing your parents, and now this, but you have to remember something. Your life is what you make it. You have to fight for what you want, and live each day as if it’s your last. You’re going to fall, and most of the time, you’re not going to expect it. You have to let those around you catch you until you can stand on your own two feet again.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes. “Anyone ever tell you you’re a smart woman?”
She laughs. “Helping people is what I do.” She points to her badge that tells me she’s a registered nurse. “It’s easy to give advice to those you’re not emotionally connected to. I can see the forest through the trees, so to speak.”
“Thank you, Lynn.”
“You’re welcome. Now, here comes your lunch.” She nods over my shoulder as Amelia approaches.
“Everything okay?” Amelia ask
s.
“Yeah, just someone else reminding me what a fool I’m being when it comes to Mark.”
She nods. “Good. He’s blowing my phone up worried about the two of you. He’s a needy man when it comes to you,” she says, making us all laugh.
The rest of the afternoon, Amelia and I cuddle with Daisy, and although she protests, I send her to the room that night. Sure, a hot shower and a soft bed are enticing, but I know I’ll just sit and kick my own ass for being so stupid with Mark. When he calls again in a few days and wants to come to us, I’m going to let him.
Then, I’m going to tell him I love him.
Let the cards fall where they may.
Chapter Eighteen
Mark
I spent the day with Mom and Dad putting my plan in motion. They were both a huge help, especially Mom. I sent Kendall and Reagan a text keeping them in the loop. I wouldn’t be able to pull this off without everyone’s help. I’m pushing the keycard into my door at the hotel having just said goodbye to my parents when my phone rings. “Hey, A,” I say to Amelia.
“She’s not leaving.”
“What?” I ask, stepping into the room and tossing my room key on the small dresser.
“She’s not going back to the hotel tonight. She told me to.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah, I’m not seeing her leaving there often enough for you to come by. I’m sorry, Mark.”
“I should have guessed that this would happen.”
“She’s a stubborn one that woman of yours.”
I laugh. “Don’t I know it. That’s why I’m in this situation.”
“Give it a few days.”
“Yeah, actually, I’ve been working on something. I think I’ll head home tonight. At least at home I’ll be able to be productive.”
