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“No sweep,” she replies while yawning.
“How about I rock you?” I look over at Mara. “Or read you a story?” I ask, not really knowing what their routine is and not wanting to intrude, but damn, she’s tugging at the strings attached to my heart.
“Seth, you don’t have to,” Mara says. She looks nervous and unsure. However, now that the offer is out there, I really want to do it. This little angel, I can’t tell her no.
“I know. If it’s all right with you, I’d like to.” I look down at Finley. “I can’t tell her no,” I admit.
Mara’s face lights up with a smile. “Yeah, I know the feeling.” She walks over to a box sitting on the floor and shuffles around until she pulls out a book. “This is her favorite right now.”
I take the book from her. “Goodnight moon,” I read the title. “All right, Miss Finley, it’s story time.” I take a seat in the padded rocking chair in the corner of her room. I open the book and begin to read and rock. I can feel Mara’s eyes on me as she stands in the doorway watching us. I worry I’m overstepping a little, but telling this little angel no isn’t something I’m capable of. Not to mention, it keeps me here longer. I’m not ready to leave. Either of them.
“She’s out,” Mara whispers after only a few pages.
Setting the book on the floor beside me, I carefully stand and walk over to her bed, laying her gently without waking her up. “Night, sweetheart.” I cover her with a soft purple blanket and leave the room. I wait for Mara in the hallway. I’ve invaded enough of their time tonight. I’ll give her time to say goodnight without me hovering.
“You’re good with her.” Mara pulls me out of my thoughts a few minutes later. She steps around me and heads down the hall.
“She makes it easy. She’s a good kid.” I follow her down the hall and into the living room.
“Thank you. It’s not always been easy, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. She is the best thing I’ve ever done.”
She takes a seat on the couch, and I do the same, keeping some space between us. “Parenting’s a hard gig, let alone by yourself. Where’s her dad?” It’s something that’s been on my mind for months, but I never wanted to pry. As of today, I’m pursuing her. Pursuing both of them. I need to know what I’m up against with this guy.
“Ah.” She tucks her legs under her. “I’ve been waiting for that question.”
“I just figured I need to be able to size up the competition.”
“No competition. He passed away. Army. Killed in the line of duty.”
Damn. “I’m sorry.”
“I was working at a bar right out of college. Amelia had just moved home and I was missing her something crazy. Blake was in on leave. We hit it off. I met him and a few of the guys at a club the next night. One thing led to another, one too many drinks, and you can figure out the rest.” She waits for me to speak, but I don’t say a word. “I’d never done anything like that before. In fact, he was only the second person I’d ever slept with.” She shrugs. “I had his address as we agreed to keep in touch. We did for the first couple of months, by mail. And then I found out about my pregnancy and wrote to him. I told him I could do it on my own, but felt he needed to know. I waited for weeks and never heard from him. Almost two months to the day of sending the letter, I got a call from an attorney. He claimed his client Roger, who was a friend of Blake’s, wanted him to reach out to me. He said Roger was in town and wanted to meet up. I agreed. I wanted to know what was up with Blake. We met at a small diner in town, and when I got there, he handed me the letters I had sent to Blake. They were unopened.” She stops to collect herself and I remain quiet. Just taking it all in, trying to process the fact that she’s been a single mom from the moment she found out about Finley.
“‘He’s gone, Mara.’” She wipes a stray tear from under her eye. “That’s what he said. He told me he was killed in action. I didn’t ask for specifics and he didn’t volunteer them. From the haunted look in his eyes, it was better that way.”
“I’m sorry.” Reaching out, I place my hand on her leg, offering her comfort.
“I knew something was wrong. He wrote to me every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. Somedays I would get no letters and the others I would get four or five. Just depended on when he could get them to me. He never knew,” she whispers. “He never knew he was going to be a father.” She closes her eyes taking a deep breath. When she opens them, I swear I can see straight to her heart. “There was this connection between us, one I can’t explain. Maybe I was just enamored with him because I was the center of his attention? Hell, I don’t really know. I do know that neither one of us wanted to say goodbye, as unrealistic as that sounds.” She pauses, collecting her thoughts. “I was falling for him, you know? I realize it sounds crazy, but you really get to know someone when you communicate with words.”
My heart bleeds for her and Finley and the loss of Blake. One part of me wishes I could take her pain away and the other part, the selfish part, is glad that life brought them to me, to this moment. That I’ve been given the chance to do right by them. She sniffs, and I feel as though I need to send this conversation on an alternate path. I grin at her. “Does texting count?” I ask to lighten the mood, but honestly, I want to know her answer.
She laughs. “Yeah, texting counts.”
“So, what did your family say? When they found out you were pregnant and going to be a single mom?” If I thought her eyes were sad before, that’s nothing to the haunted look that fills her green eyes.
“Nothing like getting it all out at once,” she says, taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling. “I grew up in foster care, Seth. I was a ward of the state from the age of two. I lost count of the number of foster homes I grew up in. I bounced from one to the next. Some of the families were nice, and others were there to get a paycheck. My last family, the Parkers, they had to move due to Mr. Parker’s job. I was fifteen at the time. His job was moving him overseas and since I was a ward of the state, I couldn’t go with them. They could have adopted me, but that takes longer than the time they had. I’d been with them for four years. They were the closest thing to a real family I ever had. I never heard from them after the move. I know life gets busy and all that. I went back to the children’s home, and that’s where I stayed until I turned eighteen.”
Did you hear that crack? It’s my heart splitting wide open for this incredible woman sitting in front of me. “Mara.” I whisper her name because, honestly, I don’t know what else to say.
“It’s okay.” She smiles through her pain. Smiles for me.
“Don’t do that.” I move closer to her and pull her into my arms. “It’s okay to not be okay. I suck at this kind of thing but don’t hide it from me. I want the real.”
She lets me hold her for a few minutes before pulling away. “My real is that little girl down the hall. She’s my only family. She’s my heart and soul.”
“You’re an incredible mother.”
“Thank you, but she makes it easy. She really is such a sweet girl.”
“Trust me, I know enough about kids to understand that their parents help shape them into the tiny humans that they are. You’ve made her amazing.”
“So, that’s it.” She changes the subject. “That’s my real. I have no family to speak of, and Blake didn’t either. None that he claimed anyway. Roger said he always told him he was alone, that the army was his family. I gave Finley his middle name and my last name. I left his name off the birth certificate. I could have listed him, but I wasn’t willing to risk any family he might have coming to the surface and trying to take her from me.”
“I can’t imagine how that must have been. Being all alone.”
“We made do,” she says with a shrug.
I hold her a little tighter, not really knowing what to say. I could tell her that she’s incredible and that her strength is beyond measure. I could tell her that I thought I was falling for her before, but now that I know her past, it makes me want to b
e with her even more. It makes me want to be there for her to help carry some of her burdens, to be the one to help wipe away the tears. Not just for her but for Finley too.
“I’m sorry.” She pulls away and I miss her warmth immediately. “I shouldn’t have sprung all of that on you in one night.”
“I’m glad you did. However, if you thought it would get rid of me, you’re mistaken.”
“What about you?”
I feel bad talking about my childhood to this amazing woman, who has lived through things she never should have. “Well, my parents are still married. I’m an only child. Ridge, Tyler, Mark, Kent, and I all grew up together. We’ve been thick as thieves for as long as I can remember.”
“I love that.” She smiles. “What about the ladies?”
“Well, Reagan and Ridge are brother and sister, so she’s always been around. Same with Amelia. She was always there too. Kendall lived here then moved away to college and came back. She brought Dawn with her.” I go on to explain our dynamics and how everyone ended up together.
“So, Daisy isn’t Mark’s?” she asks.
“She is in all the ways that matter. They adopted her. Dawn’s sister passed away, as did her parents. It was all in the same year. It was tough.”
“I bet. I don’t remember my parents. I imagine having them and loving them, then losing them would be far worse.”
“I think every situation is unique. Both scenarios are terrible.”
“Yeah.” She places her hand over her mouth, covering a yawn. I’m not ready to go, but I know she has to be exhausted. Mentally and physically.
“So, I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could have lunch?”
“I have a ton of unpacking to do. I’m meeting Kendall’s mom tomorrow too. She’s going to keep Finley until I find more permanent childcare.”
“Breakfast? Dinner?” I ask, hopeful she’ll take me up on at least one of them. “I can even bring it over, so you don’t have to leave. I’m more than happy to help unpack.” I flex my arms, showing her my muscles. “I need to give the guns a workout anyway.”
