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My heart lurches in my chest. I hate that my actions, my truth caused her tears. Agony. That’s what I feel watching her swipe at her tears.
“Go away, Coop.”
“No.” I step into the room, close the door, and turn the lock. I don’t need anyone coming in here and making this any worse than I’ve already done on my own. I need some privacy to talk to her about this. No matter how badly I just want to ignore it and wish that we could erase the last fifteen minutes and make it disappear.
I kick off my shoes and climb into the bed beside her. “Reese,” I whisper.
“I’m fine, Cooper. Just give me a few minutes.”
“No. You’re hurting because of me, and I won’t leave you like this.”
“I was there. I knew that you took her to prom.”
“I’m sorry.” I don’t know what else to say. “It was pretty much like you and Joey.” I swallow hard, even thinking about my friend and her together causes me pain. “It was a means to an end. We were both curious and wanted to see what the hype was about. That’s it. Joey was my friend,” I say was because I’m not sure I can forgive him for this.
When she rolls over, her red-rimmed eyes find mine. “I’m sorry too. I have no right to be upset. I guess I just assumed that it didn’t happen. I mean, Janie never said a word about it. She went on her merry way, acting as if life was normal.”
“We weren’t together. She was my date, Joey was yours. It was just something that happened.”
“We all stayed at my house that night. How did I not know?”
“I could ask you the same thing.” If I would have known that she and Joey were doing… that, I would have stopped him. Stopped them. I don’t know how, but I know that the thought of her with him kills me. Not because Joey’s a bad guy. No. In fact, I suggested he ask her. I knew that he would be good to her. If I only knew then what I know now.
“Did he hurt you?”
“What? No. Of course not. Why would you ask me that?”
“Because the thought of him or anyone forcing themselves on you makes me cagey.” I give her wide eyes, trying to lighten the mood.
A small smile pulls at her lips. “Yeah, I know the feeling. Janie?” she asks.
“It was nothing.”
She nods. “Yeah, that’s pretty much how it was with us too. Afterward, we both looked at each other and started laughing. We were both super nervous, but he was… good to me.”
“I wish you would have told me,” we both say at the same time.
“It’s weird, you know? Talking to you about it. That’s not really what we do.” She gives me a look that I can’t describe. If I didn’t know better, I would call it yearning.
“Yeah, I guess we can agree to not discuss these things in the future. Just promise me something.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t let anyone take advantage of you, and if he, whoever it might be in your future ever forces you or tries to hurt you….” My words trail off.
“I’m a big girl, Coop.”
She is, but she’s mine. Not in the intimate sense of the word, but she’s my best friend, and it’s my job to look out for her. Sometimes I wish things were different between us. I wish that… I could have been her first, that she was not just my best friend cuddled up in my bed, but my girl. I’ve never done the serious-relationship thing. I’m not a cheater, but I don’t know how I would be at it. I’m sure I would fuck it up, and then I’d lose her, and that’s just not going to work for me. So, no matter how badly I wish that I was her first and she were mine, that’s just not how our story ends.
“You wanna go back out?” I ask her.
“No. I’m tired.”
“Okay.”
“You go,” she says, snuggling in close. I wrap my arms around her and hug her tight.
“Nah, I’m good right here.”
“They’re going to ask questions.”
“Let them. I’ll unlock the door. They can check on us, like you know they will, and see that we’re just friends. We’ve got nothing to hide.”
“Thanks, Coop.”
I kiss her forehead, then release her, rising out of bed to unlock the door. I grab us each a bottle of water and set them on the nightstand. I know she gets thirsty in the middle of the night, especially after she’s been drinking. Climbing in beside her, I pull her into my arms and close my eyes.
I wish things were different, but I’ll take this moment and cherish it with all the others.Chapter 6ReeseI’m pretending to be asleep when I hear Nixon and Tessa outside Coop’s door. They’re debating on if they should come in and check on us. Nixon tells her to leave us alone, and Tessa, being the great friend she is, insists that she make sure I’m okay. I pull the blanket up over my face and lie as still as possible.
