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Did you hear that? That’s the sound of my heart cracking open, knowing that I hurt her. I wipe at her cheeks with my thumbs. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I promise you I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Please, Reese, don’t marry him.”
“You want what you think you can’t have. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? You don’t want me with anyone else, so this is your last-ditch effort.”
“You’re right. I don’t want you with anyone else. I want you with me.” I beat my hands across my chest. “Me, Reese. I want you with me. Not just as my best friend, but as the most important person in my life. I want you as my lover. I want you as my wife and the mother of our kids. I want you for me. All of you and all of me.”
She stands, and my hands drop to my lap. She wipes at her face as she begins to pace. Suddenly, she stops and turns to look at me. I can’t describe the look. Fear, sadness, anger, and something else I can’t name. “Get out, Cooper.”
“Reese, please. I love you so much. Please just… don’t do this. Not yet. Call it off. Give us some time. Let me have the chance to show you that you’re it for me.”
“You had your chance, Cooper. I can’t believe you did this today of all days. How am I supposed to go out there like this? Please, just leave.” She turns her back to me, and I hear her sniff.
Standing, I go to her, wrapping my arms around her from behind. I bury my face in her neck and breathe her in. We’re shaking, and I’m not sure if it’s her or it’s me. My guess a combination of both. “I love you, Reese. I love your smile and your laugh. The way your nose scrunches up when you’re laughing hard. I love that you get freaked out at scary movies but always want to watch them. I love your heart. The way you always want to help make the world a better place. You make me a better man. You make me whole, Reese. I’m not me without you.”
“Cooper.” Her voice breaks. “Please, don’t do this. Please just go.”
My heart sinks. I’ve lost her.
I hold onto her a little longer needing to memorize the feel of her in my arms, for what I know will be the last time. “I love you so fucking much,” I say, choking on the words.
“I love you too, Cooper. A part of me always will.” She turns in my arms and stares up at me with those beautiful green eyes of hers. “Do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Stay. I don’t know what brought all of this on, and I don’t know what to believe. What I do know is that I’m getting married tomorrow, and I need to know that my best friend is here with me.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I can do that, Reese. I can’t watch you vow to love him, not when my heart aches for you. I-I don’t think I can.”
She nods. “You should go,” she says, turning to look out the window. “I need a few minutes. If you could just tell everyone that I’ll be right out.”
“Reese.”
“Just go, Cooper.” Her voice cracks. “You said what you needed to say. You broke me years ago. To me, you’re still my best friend. I pushed past the pain because I needed you in my life. If you can’t be here, fine. Just go.”
My feet carry me to her, and I kiss her temple. “I will always love you, Reese Latham. I will always be in your corner, and if you ever need me, I don’t care how much time has passed, you call me. Do you understand me? I will never love anyone the way that I love you.” It’s going to fucking kill me, but I’m staying for her. Who knows, maybe it will do me some good to see her marry him. Maybe then my heart will get the message that she’s not ours.
A sob escapes her and I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms and hold her tight. I want to tell her that everything will work out as it should, but she doesn’t want me. I pushed her away when I should have been pulling her close. I did this to us.
“I love you.” I kiss her temple one more time before my feet that feel like lead slowly carry me to the door. I pause, looking over my shoulder, hoping to find her watching me, but she’s still got her back to me.
I refuse to say goodbye. I will always be here for her, no matter what. Instead, I force myself to turn around and walk out the door.
