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“I didn’t forget,” I say, my back already arching under the force of pleasure, his cock bobbing long and thick and hard inches away from me. “I didn’t realize.”
He leans in, the back of my thigh now against his hard chest, his naked cock just barely brushing my entrance, his knees under my ass.
“Do you realize that we’ve fucked in every position I can think of, every possible configuration of two bodies, and every time still feels brand new?” he asks.
I put my hands on his legs, underneath me, arching my back toward him.
“Are you saying I make you nervous?” I ask, half-teasing, half delirious with want.
He kisses the inside of my thigh again, his eyes never leaving mine, dark and unreadable.
Suddenly, he grabs my leg, lifts it over my head, flips me onto my stomach and before I know it, he’s on top of me again, pressing me into the mattress, his lips on my spine between my shoulder blades. I push myself up, my hips still against the mattress.
“Do you realize,” he murmurs into my ears, shivers down my back, “That this has been the best month of my life?”
He kneels between my legs, pushing my knees apart and then his hand is in my hair again, wrapping it around his fingers, and this time he pulls and I follow.
It’s not hard enough to hurt. Not quite, but it’s hard enough that I feel it, that the rush and the sensation send pinpricks along my overheated skin. It’s hard enough that it jolts me into a hyper-awareness I didn’t know I possessed, hard enough that suddenly I can feel every individual thread of his sheets against my knees and elbows, that the moonlight feels cold against my skin.
“Mine too,” I say, and I don’t mean to say it but it’s true. By rights I should be at least semi-miserable, but I haven’t been. I’ve been happy.
Happy, and I still haven’t told him.
His breath rasps in my ear for another moment. My eyes close, and I press my lips together. I’m up on my elbows and I dig my fingers into his plaid comforter, savoring this small speck of time.
The drawer of his nightstand scrapes open, and I hear the condom box rattle.
“I’m on the pill,” I say, and the sounds stop. I breathe, eyes still closed. “I didn’t say anything because I wanted to be careful—”
“Fuck careful,” he says, his grip in my hair tightening the tiniest bit.
Almost. Almost. I can feel him shift his weight, steady himself, and then the tip of his cock is bare and hot against my clit and my hips move on their own.
“Please?” I say and it’s a request, a supplication, a prayer.
He doesn’t answer. Not with words, because that isn’t the language he speaks, not really.
Levi answers me with his body, sliding deep into me with a single stroke. He says yes and of course and at last and he pulls my hair and he bites my shoulder and he doesn’t speak a word but he says everything.
It’s hard, deep, slow. Levi fucks me as thoroughly as he does anything, moves and pulls and pushes and adjusts the angle until I’m crying out with every stroke, still up on my elbows with his hand in my hair.
I can’t really move, pinned down and held up, and I don’t really want to. All I can do is feel, and feel, and feel: Levi’s body against mine, in mine, the potent slow churn of guilt that just won’t leave. His sheets below me and beyond that the bed he makes every morning, the house he built himself, the trees he protects, this place that’s part of him, sunk into the fibers of his being.
I whisper his name, or maybe I whimper it. I can’t tell, but I’m rewarded with teeth on my shoulder, a sharp bite, a harder fuck and somehow, everything snaps further into focus. The sheets, the creak of the bed, a bird outside, and Levi, oh God, Levi.
I’m splintering apart, cracking down the middle. I gasp his name and I gasp please and oh fuck don’t stop please don’t stop and I grab his wrist with one hand where it’s anchored to the bed and he pulls my hair one iota harder and I’m trapped here, in the cage of his body, and I never want to be anywhere else.
I come hard, recklessly, like I’m going into freefall. I come and with it I give him everything that I have to give, body and soul and guilt all wrapped up together, and then Levi joins me, suddenly wrapping his arms around me and squeezing so tight I can barely breathe, my name whispered on his lips just before he sinks his teeth into my shoulder again, like he needs more of me than I have to give.
