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“Well, if you see him again, I believe he left his coat and jacket in the ballroom,” Vera says, voice completely cool and neutral and oh my God she knows and now I want to die.
I clear my throat. I blush harder. I think I’m sweating champagne.
“I’ll let him know,” I say. “Thanks.”
“Of course,” she says. “I’m so glad you two had a nice time.”
“Such a nice time,” I echo, and Vera smiles.Blessedly, the brunch is a less formal affair than the wedding itself. There’s no seating chart, no speeches, and the food is all buffet-style, which means that I get two cups of coffee and one piece of toast, then sit at a table in the corner and pretend that no one can see me.
I’ve gotten through one and a half cups of coffee and two-thirds of the toast when a plate of bacon appears in front of me.
That’s it. Just bacon. A pile of bacon.
“Toast won’t help you,” Wyatt says, pulling out the chair next to me and sitting.
“Nothing can help me,” I say. It’s a tad dramatic, but I’m feeling a tad dramatic.
“Bacon can,” he says, raising his eyebrows and pointing at the plate. “Name me a problem bacon can’t solve.”
I look at the bacon. Despite the current state of my appetite — nonexistent — it looks pretty good, all greasy and crunchy and… bacony.
“Vera knows what I did last night,” I tell him. “I don’t need bacon, I need one of those flashy things from Men in Black.”
“Oof,” he says, and casually takes a slice off my plate. “Well, I tried to tell her that he was just taking care of your dumb drunk ass.”
After Seth went to my chateau last night, I went back into the wedding to grab my cape and also tell Winona that I wasn’t feeling well and was going to bed. I didn’t even think to grab Seth’s coat and jacket.
“Thanks,” I say, and pick up a slice myself. “Doing the Lord’s work out here.”
“Am I?” he asks, taking a bite of bacon reflectively. “Is lying to Aunt Vera about you hooking up with some rando the Lord’s work, Delilah?”
I look at the bacon in my hand without eating it.
“One, yes, it is,” I say. “Two, not a rando. We dated in high school. And have… seen each other a few times since.”
Wyatt chews his bacon and watches my face, clearly running this information through the Polite Family Translator and coming to a conclusion.
“Does Aunt Vera know that?”
“She knows we used to date.”
“But not the other part.”
I just give Wyatt a how much do you tell your parents about your sex life? look.
“Delilah,” he says, very seriously. “I think you won the wedding.”
“Is that why I’m drinking a bucket of coffee and solving problems with bacon?” I ask, waving my slice at him. I still haven’t taken a bite.
“You somehow got Aunt Vera to hand-deliver you a booty-call to the swank society event of the year,” he says. “That’s amazing. That’s next-level.”
I want to say yes, but now the booty call is gone and Vera knows what happened and also everyone at the wedding last night knows I’m Seth Loveless’s latest fling in a long-ass line of flings, and I kind of want to crawl into a hole in the ground, but I don’t say that.
“Thanks,” I say.
“Teach me?”
“No.”
“Is it witchcraft? I’d learn witchcraft,” he says.
“You could always just ask Vera to set you up with someone,” I say innocently, tilting my head.
Mistake. MISTAKE. I carefully point my head upright.
Wyatt just narrows his eyes, chewing another piece of bacon.
“I’m not sure society girls are my thing,” he says, slowly. “I mean, I’m sure plenty of them are nice, but I’ve never like… had a super-stimulating conversation with any of her friends’ kids, you know?”
“I don’t think the interesting ones come to her events,” I agree. “I think the interesting ones are off doing interesting things.”
“Exactly,” he says. “I need me an interesting woman to be my booty-call wedding date.”
I finally take a bite of the bacon, chew it very slowly, then swallow. Everything seems to go well.
“I’m not sure I recommend it,” I say. “I think I might wake up in the back of a truck, heading for some sort of charm school boot camp.”
Wyatt just grins, then pats me on the shoulder.
“Won’t happen,” he says, standing. “We all know you’re way past help. I’m getting another Bellini, you want anything?”
I just put my face in my hands and groan.Chapter Twenty-FiveSethThe second I pull into my mom’s driveway, I contemplate leaving. I’ve showered and eaten and drunk my weight in Gatorade and then coffee, so I’m at least passable, but I’m far from good.
I’m also not excited about facing my brothers. After this morning’s run-in with Caleb, he and Thalia hung around my house for a bit before heading out to brunch in town, because they’re a couple who does cute couple shit.
