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In my life, there’s been one recurring theme. There’s no prince to ride in and save the day for me. If I’m going to survive or get out of this, I have to save myself. I just wish I knew how.
I make it back to my room, but I know Marcum is following. I can hear his heavy footsteps behind me. I don’t bother looking back and I don’t try to talk further. It wouldn’t stop him, so there’s really no point. That doesn’t stop me from trying to close the door before he gets inside, however. Too bad it doesn’t work.
I march straight over to the bed and grab the pen and paper I’ve kept there and write quickly.
Do you mind? I came here to be alone.
“This is my club, Dragonfly. There’s no place here you can go to be alone. If I want to see you, I will.”
Then let me go.
I don’t know what I expect his reply to be, but his laughter wasn’t it.
“I’d probably be better off if I did, but I’m not going to, Toi. Turns out I don’t seem to get wiser with age.”
I have no idea what that means.
“Stay away from Ghost,” he says out of the blue and I can’t help looking confused.
Why?
“He’s not for you.” Marcum shrugs his shoulder, looking uncomfortable. I can’t help feeling hurt and it takes all of my courage not to look down in shame.
You think I’m not good enough for Ghost. I don’t make it a question. It’s a statement. This is a familiar song and dance. I’ve heard all about my failures from my father. Surprise hits Marcum’s face. I can see as it spreads over his features. Did he think I wouldn’t call him on the fact that he’s being an asshole? I’m sick of people who treat me as less. I’ve taken it for far too long. I want to leave!!! I write on the pad, holding it in front of me and shaking it, like that could make the words come off as the scream I wish I could make.
“I need you, Toi. So you will stay,” he says, walking to the door.
“No!” I respond, ignoring the tightness in my throat.
“I like your fire, Toi. I find I like it too much. You might want to cap that shit before we both prove my son right,” Marcum growls.
His words make zero sense.
“What?” I ask, and even though I’m barely whispering, I know Marcum can hear me.
“I need to stay away from you,” he says strangely. He takes a step toward me. Ironically, I have to stop myself from stepping backwards to get away from him.
“Let me go,” I respond, barely hearing my own voice.
“Strangest thing happened to me the last couple of days, Dragonfly,” he answers, so close I feel his breath on my skin. His large hand reaches out and his thumb brushes against my neck.
“What?”
“I thought of you.”
“Don’t… understand,” I strain the words, my heart beating harder. The look on his face makes me feel strange and again, I don’t understand exactly why. I swallow. Is he going to kiss me? Why would he? Why am I wondering what it would feel like?
“I don’t either, Dragonfly. I don’t either,” he says, dropping his hand and stepping back. Then, without another word, he walks away, leaving me to stare after him.
Feeling lost.14Marcum“Hey Marcum! Didn’t know you were joining the party tonight,” Topper calls as I down another shot. He sits down in the chair across from me, pulling Babs down astride him.
“You’re looking good tonight, Babs,” I tell her, just drunk enough to ignore Topper and enjoy that Bab’s curves are popping out of the barely-there mini-dress she’s wearing. Shit. If her dress shifts just a little to the right her tit is going to pop out. Not that I haven’t seen Babs’ tits before. I have. It’s just I usually have another chick’s to play with. I’ve been without a woman for six months. After Cherry left, I got my dick wet a few times, but I kind of lost interest.
I may not have been in love with her, but I respected her. It was as much of a relationship as I’ve ever had. I was settled, and as fucked-up as it sounds, I liked coming home to a woman, knowing some other man’s dick hadn’t been keeping her warm for me. I liked the life we were building. I thought we understood each other.
And maybe that’s exactly what’s wrong with me now.
I’ve been too long without a woman, and it’s got me looking at Toi in ways I shouldn’t. She’s a kid. A defenseless kid—and the last thing I should be thinking about is getting between her legs. This is Maxwell’s fault. He put the damn thought in my head. I just need to get lost in a different woman and everything will be back to normal.
