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“They’ve agreed to give me the money to pay you. I just need out of here.”
“Then why the fuck did you show up? You had to know without my money, you were signing your own death warrant.”
“It’s dangerous dealing with the Garcias. I wanted to see my daughter one last time in case things went south.”
“Motherfucker, it’s dangerous dealing with us!” I growl, and I hit him full force with my fist. His head jerks back blood spouting from his lip.
“I just want to say goodbye to Toi in case this goes south. Surely you can understand that Marcum. You have kids!”
“I didn’t see much fatherly concern about her before. Fuck, to me it looked like she couldn’t stand the sight of you,” Ghost answers. He had been silent until now. I glance up at him, and I see the concern on his face. I can’t discount it. I feel it too. I can’t help but think that Weasel is making a play here, but I can’t really figure it out. Toi hates this man. Even if I let her in to talk to him, it’s not going to gain him anything. Unless he urges her to give me whatever I want and pay his bill with her body. It won’t work, but I wouldn’t mind her warming up to me a little more…
Fuck, this girl is playing with my head.
I scratch the side of my beard, tired of dealing with all of it. Maybe after I kill this fucker, I’ll find a woman and get laid. Maybe that will keep Toi from haunting me.
“I made a lot of mistakes,” Weasel says, and I snort.
“Fucking A boys, Weasel finally has something right.”
The others laugh with me and Weasel shifts uneasily in his seat.
“But I made the most with Toi. I just want to talk to her and then I’ll go see the Garcias and I’ll do what I need to do to get your money,” he says as he looks up at me, pleading.
I should just end the fucker now, but in my head I can still see Toi’s tears. Will she shed tears for this motherfucker? Will she hate me if I don’t allow her to at least have last words with the asshole? The only thing I know for sure is that he’s a short timer. If the Garcias don’t end him, I have to. Whatever it is I’m feeling for Toi is bothering me. Do I really want her father’s blood on my hands? Would that be just one more thing Toi holds against me?
“Please, Marcum. Father to father here, will you let me talk to Toi before I go to the Garcias?”
“Ride? See if Kasha is done with Toi and then bring her here.”
“Shit, you can’t let her around this asshole!” Ghost growls.
“He’s a walking dead man. If Toi wants to say goodbye to him, I’m not going to rob her of that. Would you, Ghost?” I ask him. This fucker is as much under Toi’s spell as I am. He and I are going to have problems if I can’t clear my head of her.
And I’m starting to think I can’t.22Toi“Why do I get the feeling you’ve heard everything I’m about to tell you before?” Kasha asks, her face resigned. She holds out the notebook and pen for me and I look at it like it is the enemy.
Because I have.
“How long has it been since you received the injury?” she asks.
I hate those words. I hate the way they make my stomach coil up in distaste.
Years.
“You realize that your chances to have your voice repaired lessens with time? This is something that needed seeing to immediately.”
I don’t respond. She’s right, but then look at her. She’s perfect. She’d never understand the problems of not having money or insurance. She would never understand the life I’ve lived in general.
“It’s going to be like that, is it?” she asks and I shrug, avoiding looking in her eyes. She sighs, not bothering to hide the fact that she’s put out with me. “Fine. I’m going to prescribe some medicine for you to take twice a day and there are some exercises you can do that will help.”
No medicine is going to give me my voice back.
I don’t know if she thinks I’m naïve or what, but if there was an easy cure, I would have begged, stolen, or borrowed to get it already.
“You’re right. There is a surgery, but it has been so long now I’m not sure it would help. Still this medicine will relax your vocal chords and keep them from being under so much strain. The exercises will keep the damaged chords a little more viable. Ultimately, surgery is the best choice.”
No insurance.
She stops and looks at me strangely. I feel like she’s searching for something from me.
