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32Toi“Toi! Toi! Are you okay? Daddy said you got hurt!”
I jerk up as Desi and Harley come running into my room. Marcum carried me to an SUV after a medic checked me out. Then he kept me in his arms the entire ride back to the clubhouse. Still carrying me, he brought me to my room and put me in the bed with a gentle kiss on my forehead. He disappeared after that and I wondered where he went. Part of me is scared he’s with that woman, Cherry. But, there’s no reason for me to be jealous. Despite what Marcum said, we’ve not truly kissed, not a normal kiss that a couple shares.
His words were said in the heat of the moment.
“I’m good,” I whisper, catching her as she climbs on the bed and wraps her little body around me. I look over at Harley, who is standing by the bed. He’s watching me closely.
“I heard Babs and Topper talking,” he says ominously. “You saved Daddy.”
I lick my lips to moisten them, feeling nervous. I need to talk to him. Instinctively I know if I wrote down what I needed to say he would pull further away from me. It’s not fair, but then life for a child is different than life for an adult.
I motion my hand, indicating I want him to come closer. I almost hold my breath, afraid he will reject me right out. I’m surprised when he reluctantly walks toward me. I brush the side of his face. I don’t know a lot about kids, but I want to give them the love I always craved—and never received.
“Your dad is strong. He would have saved himself,” I tell Harley. Kids need to think their parents are invincible and can protect them from anything—at least the good ones.
“He is,” Harley responds, and he holds his body solid, but there’s a war going on in his eyes and it just seems wrong for such a small child. “I’m sorry you were hurt. When I’m sick, Dad brings me chocolate milk.”
“I’ll have to ask him for some,” I answer, trying to make Harley smile. He’s such a little man, afraid to let go, and trying to be just like his father. The pain in his eyes hurts my heart.
“I’ll tell them!” Desi speaks up.
“We’ll see to Toi,” Ghost interrupts. “You two better get back to your room. Your dad wants Toi to get some rest.”
“But Toi needs us!” Desi cries.
“You can see her again before you go to bed,” Ghost argues.
It takes some work, but after a few hugs and promises that I would feel well enough tomorrow to watch the Troll movie, Desi finally agrees. Her and Harley walk out of my room side by side. But, when Harley gets to the door, he looks back at me. I’ve seen that look before—that very same look. He’s studying me, just like his Dad does from time to time. He finally turns around and leaves.
I sigh when they’re gone.
“He’ll come around. Harley was really close to Cherry. He thought of her as his mother. Closest thing the poor kid ever had.”
“Oh,” I answer. Partly because I’m tired and my throat hurts, I don’t bother to respond with more. Inside my heart hurts. I had hoped I’d be able to reach Harley, but with Cherry back… Plus, I was leaving. Marcum will probably let me go now without issue—especially since he won’t need my help with his kids.
The thought leaves me so sad, I close my eyes and decide to wallow in my misery.33MarcumI close the door to Cherry’s room—her new one. Toi is in her old one. I haven’t talked a lot to her yet. I had to make sure she was locked down before I could stay with Toi. I told Cherry I’d talk with her in the morning and that she couldn’t leave the room, and I have two men there to make sure that happens.
She swears she’s innocent, but there’s just something about all of this that tells me in my gut, there’s something more. Cherry—the Cherry I once knew—wouldn’t betray the club, or me. That much is true. But she wasn’t fond of Weasel either. I just don’t get it. I need to get to the bottom of it, but it’s late and I need to be with Toi more.
I stopped by to check on the kids and tuck them in bed. I haven’t told them anything about Cherry. I’m not sure I should. They both loved her; it’s the main reason I made her my old lady. She fit into my life. Hell, at one time she even added to it. She made sense, which has always been a deciding factor in any choice I’ve made. Until Toi.
My older kids all know Cherry is here. Some are surprised. The oldest are more… wary. I raise smart kids. I’ve yet to tell Maxwell; that conversation is coming tomorrow. I’m too fucking worn out to put up with his shit tonight.
