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She doesn’t say it back, but at least she doesn’t say she hates me. She leaves the room, though and that is painful enough.
“I’ll just go see if I can help Marcum calm them down, honey. These kids trust me.”
Cherry puts an emphasis on the word ‘me’ and if I had anything left in me I would go after her, but I don’t. I’m coughing from talking for so long at the highest volume I can manage. I feel raw both physically and emotionally.
“It’ll be okay, Toi.” This comes from Ride, who is somehow standing by the bed handing me a bottle of water that I keep on my nightstand. I wish I could believe him, but I don’t. I just keep seeing Harley’s and Desi’s faces and hating myself for hurting them.
I take a drink of the water and then one more. When my coughing eases, I lie down on the bed and close my eyes, feeling completely lost.
It’s then the tears begin.43Marcum“I don’t care what you say, Dad. I’m not sorry!” Harley says stubbornly when I walk into his room.
The kid might not be mine biologically, but damn if he isn’t so much like me it hurts to see sometimes—even as it makes me proud. The truth is, I’ve not done a lot in this life I’m proud of, but these kids… They make me proud. It doesn’t matter to me if it was my seed that fathered them, I’ve been their dad and I’d kill another man for trying to take that away from me. They’re mine. I let Maxwell down so much in life. Hell, I didn’t even know he was alive for the first years of his life. Maybe there’s a part of me trying to make sure these kids—kids I love—never know the emptiness Maxwell had, at not having a father.
Fuck, I was just a kid when I gave Max’s mother my dick. Too fucking young to know better and too full of cum to care.
“Son, you don’t have a right to be upset at Toi.”
“She was going to leave us,” he says stubbornly. Desi is a little more forgiving. When I squat down on my legs so that my son and I will be more eye to eye, Desi comes over and climbs up on my lap. I balance the both of us while I stroke her hair gently, holding her to me. I keep my gaze on Harley. I know he’s hurting; I see it in his eyes. My son may act like a badass, but inside he’s just a little boy looking for something he’s always missed having—his mother.
The one thing I’ve done a piss-poor job of giving him.
As if on cue to my thoughts the door opens.
“I was just checking on—”
“I have my children, Cherry. You need to leave.”
“But, Marcum. Honey, I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do.”
“You can leave and let me talk to my children alone. You and I will talk when I’m done,” I order her. I want to say a fuck of a lot more than that—but I can’t—not in front of my kids.
She must see my anger. I’m doing my best to hide in front of Harley and Desi, but Cherry has to see it, because she backs out of the room.
“You shouldn’t talk to Cherry like that. She cares about us.”
I try to let that remark slide. I can’t find it in me to let all of it go however. I can’t prove it, but I’d lay odds Cherry has fed Harley’s need to dislike Toi. I don’t know why the fuck she would. She left the club, she left me, but my gut tells me that’s what is at play here. Plus, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that a woman is not fucking logical.
“Son, let me ask you a question. How can you take up for Cherry, and yet be mad at Toi for the same damn thing?”
“I—”
“The only difference is that Cherry left. She did that on her own, no one made her. Toi is still here.”
“But she was leaving,” he says stubbornly, but I see something on his face and I hope my words are getting through to him—at least a little.
“Have you given her a reason to stay, Harley?”
“I—”
“I’m going to tell you something I learned a long time ago, son. A woman needs to feel wanted.”
“You saying Toi didn’t feel wanted?”
“She had reason to believe she wasn’t and that’s adult stuff you won’t understand right now, but Toi cares about you and Desi and she doesn’t deserve your anger.”
“Whatever,” he huffs, turning away from me and going to sit on his bed—effectively dismissing me.
I sigh and kiss my little girl on the top of her head, before helping her stand and then straightening up.
