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“What do you mean I tricked you?”
“You got me on the bed while I was vulnerable and weak.”
“Are you saying I took advantage of you?”
“Are you going to admit it?” she asks.
I move her so she lies on top of me and our faces are close together. Her body is pressed against mine like this and even with our clothes on it feels perfect. Maybe more perfect than anything I’ve ever shared with a woman.
“That wasn’t my intention, but I’m not a damned bit sorry, Angel.”
She pulls her head back enough so she can see me clearly. Her fingers dive into my hair and she uses the pads of her fingers to press against my scalp tenderly.
“I’m not either, but I shouldn’t be here. My mind is a little messed up, Logan and my life… I have a lot to sort out right now.”
“This is not so different than the first time we met—except then I thought I was going against the Big Guy upstairs. Can’t tell you how fucking glad I am that you’re not really a nun, Angel.”
“It might be better if I was. God is probably more forgiving than Wolf.”
“You realize the way you talk about Wolf doesn’t fill me with confidence that you’re safe around him.”
“I’m fine. Wolf would never hurt me,” she defends. I frown. I can tell she truly believes that and maybe he wouldn’t hurt her—physically. Instinctively I know that right now is not the time to argue that with her.
“I guess that leaves us with one question, Angel.”
“What’s that?”
“Why are you here with me, when you’re dating Wolf?”
“We seem to be going around in circles,” she sighs. “Maybe I’m here because I’m a horrible person,” she mutters, trying to avoid my eyes again. I lean up to kiss her forehead.
“I don’t believe that for a second,” I tell her and it’s the truth. I think Torrent is mixed up and been through a fucking lot.
“Maybe I’m warring with what I want and what I should do,” she says, looking up at me under her lashes, her lips pressed together and a shudder moving through her body. She’s got so much emotion and fear churning through her body it’s a wonder she can keep going. I’ve seen women on the edge before and that’s definitely Torrent right now—even if she’s trying to hide it.
“Why should you do anything, Torrent? Life happens. You’re a free person. Why should you do anything?”
I watch her throat work as she swallows and my gaze is glued to the way her lips purse as she considers my words.
“Logan… my entire life I’ve kind of done what I wanted. When my dad was in trouble…he asked me two things… to keep my head down and to stay where he put me, so he could make sure I was safe while he got to the bottom of things. Instead of doing that… I went out to meet this man with blue eyes that made my knees weak—even knowing I shouldn’t.”
“Torrent—”
“And when he asked me to stay there and be safe, I tried to leave and… and…”
“Damn it, Angel—”
“I got my father killed, Logan. If I had done what he asked of me, he never would have walked in there and laid his life down like he did. It’s all my fault,” she whispers and I hate that the tears begin to fill her eyes, sliding out along her face as her body shakes from the need to sob. “It’s all my fault,” she says again. “I killed my father, Logan.”
“Torrent—”
“I killed him,” she whispers so brokenly it hurts to hear her. In some ways it would be so much better if she would cry again, let the grief overtake her body. She doesn’t. Instead she looks up at me with tears there, but refusing to do anything about them. They slowly fall while her face is filled with misery. “I killed him,” she repeats and I’m left wondering if I can ever help Torrent heal… or worse…
If she will let me help her.TorrentHe doesn’t understand. Devil means well, but he wasn’t there. He doesn’t have the nightmares or the memories of my father’s last words. He doesn’t comprehend how cold I feel inside. I’m trying to live my life hiding that from everyone. Mostly I’m afraid if I don’t…if everyone can see how frozen I feel inside, it will be like giving the cold life and it will take me over. I feel like I’m bleeding on the inside and it’s a race against the clock until that moment when I drown.
The temptation to tell Devil that is there. It’s strong.
I don’t give in. Telling him will change nothing. There’s nothing I can do to fix any of it. I let myself be weak, ignoring the pain in my chest, and not giving in to the need to fully cry. Instead, I hold onto him until the urge to give him everything passes. I listen to his heart beat against my ear as I lay on his chest. I feel his hand hold me, his fingers combing my hair and I let myself be weak, if only for a little bit.
