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I still think I see surprise there, so I give him more.
“He demanded, he bulldozed people down until he got it and he didn’t blink at the pain he inflicted to get it.”
Maybe my words cause their own blows, because Noah takes a step away from me.
“Once, my brother was a good guy… the best. We were tight, we loved each other. We looked out for one another, and then he turned ten. That’s when my father thought he could be useful and take his part in the family. From that moment, he became not my brother… he became a soldier.”
“Just answer the question, Rory,” Noah growls, coldly. And, I don’t know why I was opening myself to him even more. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves nothing. Still, I do as he asks—maybe I’m still weak after all.
“My stepfather was a good man, Noah. The best. He couldn’t help my brother, he was already lost to us, but he loved me. David McDaniels was a great man, the best man I ever met. He… he was nothing like you,” I tell him, and I say that while wiping some of the tears from my eyes and I see Noah’s reaction and I think maybe that definitely scored a point.
“Rory—”
“My father though, being like you, and deciding people were possessions and even though he didn’t want them, he didn’t want anyone else to have them either. He had my stepfather and mother killed,” I tell him, reliving a memory that was so painful I thought it might kill me once, but even that pain, that memory can’t hold a candle to the one Noah delivered in suggesting I kill my child so I could still crawl into his bed.
That’s how much he hurt. That’s how much he destroyed. He is most definitely like my father. I just don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner.
“Fuck, Gorgeous,” he says and a wave of misery falls over me at the use of that nickname. I stumble again under its weight. I visibly flinch from the blow, but somehow, I remain standing.
“I was brought back into the family. I didn’t have a purpose. I wasn’t like my brother. I couldn’t be trained to be a soldier. I was useless,” I shrug. “Just a girl, but I was my father’s, so he made sure no one else could have me. I don’t think I saw him more than four times in ten years, Noah and we lived in the same house. Each of those times the only look I saw on his face was disgust.”
“Rory—”
“When I turned eighteen, I couldn’t legally change my name, my father wouldn’t allow that. But, I had money. I had money my grandmother gave me. My father being who he is, I had connections—some I even trusted. So, I got one of them to set me up with this guy. He made me a whole new identity. Rory King died that day. Rory McDaniels was born and that’s who I am now. I never lied to you, Noah. I could never change my name legally because my father would rather kill me than to give me even that one small bit of joy. When he died, my brother was already just like him and he too wouldn’t give me that gift. So, I changed my name the only way I could.”
“Rory—”
“You know what I’m wondering, Noah?”
“What’s that, Gorgeous?” he asks, his voice almost tender and sweet. It’s too late for that, though. I’m done. I can’t deal with Noah and his changing personalities. They gave me whiplash before and now I know that they can be fatal. I can’t take anymore.
“How, since I’ve had all this evil in my life… all of these men who think women are nothing more than possessions and punching bags… How I never saw you coming,” I whisper hating that the tears are falling again, hating that they are running down my face unchecked and truly hating that I’m sharing the same air with a man I loved and a man who destroyed me.
“I never hit you, Gorgeous, not once,” he defends.
He can defend, but there’s no defense for him… not one.
“Some blows don’t have to be physical to destroy you, Noah. I told you that once, don’t you remember? Words are venom, a poison that destroys you from the inside out.”
“Gorgeous…”
“Maybe you’ll remember this time…”
I walk inside, close my door, and lock it. I lean against it, my ear pressed to it and it seems like forever before I finally hear Noah walking away. Only then do I slide to the floor and let my silent tears become huge wracking sobs as the pain inside becomes too much to hold it in any longer.40DieselI stare at the phone in my hand. Marcum wasn’t in, but I left him a message with Rory’s last name. I’m an idiot. Signs are pointing to the fact that I’m the biggest fucking idiot on the planet. I let my past affect how I reacted to things with Rory. It’s understandable, but it could very well be wrong. I should have thought everything through and instead I lashed out. I lashed out at Rory and although I took absolutely no pleasure in the pain I caused, I still delivered it coldly —wanting her to hurt as much as I did.
