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“I never wanted anything,” I whisper.
“Rory,” Nicole whispers, but I tune her out. These words aren’t for her. They’re for my baby.
“I never wanted anything,” I repeat. “Until you, my precious baby. Even knowing it wouldn’t be easy, I wanted you. I wanted to give you a good life, a life I hadn’t gotten, but needed to make for you. I wanted you safe and happy. I wanted to hear you laugh, watch you grow. I wanted to be there when you took your first steps, when you skinned your knees, when you rode your first bike… I wanted it so bad,” I cry. My voice is raw and I don’t know how I’m still crying. You would think there would be no tears left, but they don’t seem to ever end… more and more just keep coming. “I wanted to watch you fall in love, I wanted… God… I wanted everything and now… now…” I break off, my entire body shuddering in time with the breath I take.
“Oh Rory,” Nicole cries softly, but I’m too far gone to acknowledge her.
“Now it’s all gone. You’re gone,” I cry. “You’re gone and I don’t even know if you were a girl or a boy. I don’t know what your smile looks like, what your voice sounds like, your cry, your laugh…”
“Rory, honey…”
“I don’t know anything. They say you weren’t real, but you were real to me. I loved you and now… Now you’re just gone….”
With that I completely crumble, giving Nicole my weight. She wraps me tight in her arms and brushes my hair with her hand. I can feel it, feel her. I know she’s there with me, but I just feel alone, even when Dragon and Bull open the door, finding us. Even when Bull picks me up in his arms and carries me out of the room—
I still feel alone…20Dragon“You’re quiet, Rory.”
“I still don’t see why I need to be here. I don’t know what you and Mr. Dawson—”
“Crusher.”
“Crusher. I don’t know what the two of you are thinking, but I can assure you that I’m the last person that Noah will want to see. I don’t see why I couldn’t just leave. Ryan is what is important here.”
“There’s no way I could let you go. You haven’t told me a lot, but Diesel’s men have and as near as I can figure it out your brother is a fucking time bomb and you are in his line of fire.”
“That’s my problem not yours.”
“You’ve lost a lot, Rory. You did it protecting Ryan. That puts me in your debt.”
“Why? Ryan’s not yours.”
“According to what I’m hearing, he’s not Diesel’s either.”
“He is in every way that counts,” Rory growls, her head jerking to look in the back seat of the rental where Ryan is sleeping in his car seat. “And keep your voice down, if Ryan was to hear you it would destroy him.”
“You’re awfully protective over a boy that you’re willing to hand over and leave without a second glance.”
“I love Ryan. I’m not handing him over to anyone. I’m giving him back to his father and his family,” she defends.
I take a breath and look at the road in front of me, while I figure out just how much I should tell her. Crusher asked me to keep her in the dark until she got to the hospital. I didn’t agree with him, but I was willing to do it. Then, I found out how much Rory had lost. I’ve grown to respect her and I can tell that her and Ryan have a deep connection. If Diesel doesn’t pull through this shit, Ryan is going to need her and Nicole told me this morning that Rory definitely needs Ryan and she’s right.
I come to a split-second decision that Crusher will probably fucking bitch about, but he doesn’t know the hell Rory has been through.
“Diesel is in a coma,” I tell her, not looking at her. I can tell by the quick inward drawn breath that my simple statement delivered a gut punch. Guilt immediately hits me. The last thing Rory needs is more shit thrown her way. Unfortunately, there’s no way I can stop it.
“Will he… Do they think he will—”
“His kidneys have stopped working. They’ve put him on dialysis. He’s been there so long that he’s been hooked up to fucking machines over the amount of time doctors advise. It’s not good, Rory.”
“Then why?” she whispers, her voice agonized. It is clear Crusher was right about one thing. There is something between her and Diesel, you can hear it in her voice.
“Why?”
“Why drag us all the way up here, if he’s gone? Why put me through that? Why put Ryan through that?”
“Ryan deserves to say goodbye to his father while he’s still breathing—even if it is with the help of a machine.”
