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“When did you put this here?”
“When you and Ryan were working on his math. I couldn’t find you and Crusher told me that you had taken over Ryan’s homeschooling lessons.”
“I… Well he… he was getting behind and it’s not like I’m doing anything. If you’re going to start with how you don’t want me around your son—”
“I was a bastard. I may have had reason to act like I did, Rory, but that doesn’t excuse me for being the way I was with you and I’m sorry.”
I don’t know what to say to that. It makes me a bitch, I know. But, how can sorry make it better? It doesn’t change anything and I don’t want to soften towards Diesel. I’ve had enough. I just want… peace. That’s not what is on Diesel’s mind. Even now, even after almost dying he just wants revenge. Me? I want quiet. I want to… heal. I want… peace. I want to wake up every morning and not worry about someone trying to kill me or hurt those I love. I want my life to be normal.
Because I don’t know how to reply to him and he seems to be waiting for me to, I open the paper. It’s a medical report and at first, I don’t understand it. There’s references to all of these medical terms, and since he didn’t explain what the paper was—I’m kind of sailing in the dark. Then, slowly it begins to click. Vas deferens, samples, sperm count….
“My doctor didn’t seal the tubes off correctly, or maybe fate just decided I needed more children. Whatever the reason, Rory. The severed tubes grew back together. I may have had a vasectomy, but at best my body healed itself from it and at worst the doctor was an incompetent quack. The point is, I know the baby you were carrying was mine.”
My hands are shaking so much that the paper is moving so I drop it onto the bed as if it is burning me… and maybe it is. I rush to add what is left of my junk. I don’t have much, but since I’ve been here Dani and Torrent have given me more. I tried to tell them I was fine, but they wouldn’t listen. I throw it all into my worn overnight bag that I found at a secondhand shop and zip it up.
“Rory?” Diesel asks. “Do you understand what I’m saying? I know. I know you weren’t lying to me,” he says, like that just makes it all better.
I turn to walk away and Diesel puts his hand on my arm. I jerk away instantly, because his touch? That does fucking burn.
“You think it makes it all better that you believe me now because a doctor confirmed it, Diesel?”
“Rory—”
“You know what would have made it better? Having the man I loved, the man I got shit from again and again, but overlooked it because he had reasons for being like he was, having that man believe me when I told him I was having his child. Not because he had tests that proved I wasn’t a lying whore, but because he believed me. I guess I should be glad you at least thought to have the tests done, right? Although, I doubt that would have happened if I hadn’t proved to you that I wasn’t going to harm your son. Still, I guess I should be thankful because now you think I’m okay to have around Ryan. Maybe I am, because I do love Ryan. But guess what, Diesel? You’re not good enough for me,” I growl, my heart feeling like shattered glass. “I loved you despite all evidence that I shouldn’t. I loved you despite how you kept turning hot and cold. I deserve a man who gives that back. I deserve so much better than you.”
I all but run out after that. I said too much and I definitely reacted too strongly, but I’m tired of being strong. I’m just fucking tired. I make it to my room and I see Rebel following me, but I ignore him. Diesel doesn’t follow me, not that I thought he would. Whatever is between us, it’s over now.
Over.34Diesel“Gunner?” I growl. Fuck, I’m growling at everyone.
It’s day three of radio silence from Rory. After she walked away, I had to come to some hard realizations. If I want Rory back, I’m going to have to earn her. Since I’ve never had to do that before, I have no idea how to start. Which fucking means I’m in trouble. You add in the fact that I’m sleeping alone, when my woman is just down the hall, plus not having any new leads on King at all and I’m lucky I’m letting people around me live. Gunner though, that motherfucker, my rage toward him is completely earned.
