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“That doesn’t seem fair to me,” Crusher muses.
“Then I guess you better bring your A game to the table, Cowboy,” Dani taunts.
“I’ll see what I can do,” he smirks and I have no doubt he will definitely deliver his A game. From the wink Dani gives me, I think she knows that too.
I don’t look at Diesel—or Gunner. Instead I look down at the table, trying to figure out a way to get out of here without running out in a panic and having all of the club girls laughing at me. By the time the shots are delivered to the table, I still haven’t figured out a way.
By the third or fourth shot… I can’t remember why it was even important to leave.37Diesel“I feel like the world is spinning. Is the world spinning, Diesel?” Rory asks.
I sigh, because as good as it is to have her in my arms, she’s still back to calling me Diesel and I fucking hate it.
“You’re forgetting something, Gorgeous,” I whisper close to her ear as I enter into my bedroom.
“I am?” she asks, sounding confused.
“You call me Noah now, remember?”
“I… I don’t think so. I can’t call you Noah,” she responds as I lay her on the bed.
“Why is that?” I ask her.
I put a knee to the foot of the bed, and bend down to lift off Rory’s boot.
“Because I love Noah, and I can’t love you now. That makes you Diesel,” she whispers. “It really feels like the world is moving, doesn’t it?” she adds, sounding confused and lost.
I go over the words in my head, mad at myself, at the circumstances surrounding us… Everything. I wish I knew how I could go back and fix everything, but I just… don’t.
I groan as I shift and work on her other boot. Carrying her was pushing things. Rory doesn’t weigh a lot, definitely no more than the weights I’ve been lifting in therapy, but carrying her and walking at the same time was murder. I’d do it again though—in a heartbeat.
“Are you okay?” she asks, I look up to see her gaze focused on me and concern etched on her face.
“Would you care?” I ask, needing an honest answer from her. I feel like I’m feeling my way through the dark with Rory and I don’t know how to make it any better.
“Don’t do this,” she whispers.
“Do what?”
“Don’t ask me to be honest with you when my defenses are down. I’m not equipped.”
“I need to know, Rory. I feel like I’m banging my head against a wall repeatedly here. I know you have reason to hate me—”
“I don’t hate you, Noah. It’d be easier if I could, but I don’t hate you.”
“That’s something at least,” I respond with a sigh. “I’m sorry I let you down, Rory,” I tell her.
“I am too,” she murmurs, confirming my worst fears, she blames me for everything. She should. It is all my fault, but still it hurts to hear it from her lips. I’m the reason she lost our baby. I’m the reason she was hurt. I failed. I couldn’t protect her or Ryan. I failed them when they needed me the most. “What are you doing?” she gasps as I push her hands out of the way and finish unbuttoning her pants.
“You can’t sleep in jeans, Rory. You need to be comfortable.”
“I am comfortable!” she hisses, but I ignore her and pull her jeans down. I do my best to ignore the soft pale green panties she’s wearing. I mostly fail at that, but I resist reaching in my pants to adjust my cock and that feels like I should win some kind of medal. I pull on the covers and Rory scrambles to help me, diving under them. She looks decidedly less drunk now, although she still has a soft, hazy look to her eyes. “I can’t believe you just did that,” she mutters.
“Let it go, Rory. I get the message.”
“What’s the message?” she asks.
“I’ll talk to you in the morning. You should be fine tonight. Ryan is with his friends, but if he needs anything, I’ll tell him to come to me. You rest.”
“I like when Ryan is here,” she whispers sounding lost. “I love him, Noah.”
“I know you do, Rory.”
“Don’t take him from me,” she whispers, breaking my heart.
“I would never do that, Gorgeous. Never,” I vow.
“Okay,” she whispers.
“Okay,” I repeat, feeling a bone deep sadness that I’m afraid will never leave. “Do you need anything else?”
She shakes her head slightly to tell me no, and I limp my way to the door, turning off the light as I make it to the door.
“Noah?” she whispers in the darkness.
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“Can you…”
“Can I what, Rory?” I ask, knowing I’d give her anything, but I need to hurry and get out of here. It’s killing me to be this close, knowing she might as well be a world away.
