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“Dad thinks the sun rises and sets on my mother. All of the men in my family are like that,” she says and when I glance over, I see this ghost of a smile on her face as light from an oncoming vehicle flashes through the cab. It might be a smile, but the sadness is so thick on her face that I have to fight the urge to pull over and hold her. “I grew up surrounded by men who adored their women like that, though. I thought that was just what adult relationships were. I didn’t realize that you couldn’t trust love.”
“That kind of thing is fucking rare, Red,” I murmur, wondering if it’s real at all, but not wanting to hurt her more.
Red is mine. I’m obsessed with her and the feelings I have for her are stronger than anything I’ve ever experienced. Is that love? I’ve never truly believed in that word, then I had Daisy and I definitely love her, still the love for a child is different. It’s pure. I’ve never seen that kind of emotion work between two adults. Then again, I’ve never experienced anything like what I feel for Jasmine. How I feel about Jasmine is fucking intense and nothing I ever knew existed.
Either way, I don’t know shit about love, that was proven tonight. I know I need to make some changes.
“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know, Luke,” she laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Still, I thought I loved Dewayne, convinced myself he loved me. I threw myself into that relationship, all while ignoring the warning signs.”
“What warning signs?” I ask, trying to keep the jealousy out of my words.
“Too many to list. I can see them now, but I was oblivious back then. I ignored everything but creating this fictional world where all that mattered was the two of us.” She stops talking and I thought the conversation was done, but eventually she adds another sentence, her voice so sad that it’s painful to hear. “I changed who I was to fit what I thought he wanted.”
“Like what?”
“Things he wanted sexually, choices I made personally, different things,” she shrugs, but there’s a bitter edge to her sadness now. “I can’t lay the blame totally on him. I was young and I was experimenting, I thought it couldn’t hurt.”
“And it did hurt?”
“Things hurt when people lie, Luke.”
“Jasmine—”
“Are you lying to me, Luke?” she asks as I pull into my drive.
“What?”
“If you’re lying to me, Luke, tell me now. I survived Dewayne’s lies because my feelings for him really weren’t what I tried to make them be. I didn’t really love him. If you hurt me…”
I turn to look at her, guilt churning in my stomach. I’ve not really lied to her, but if she finds out what I am doing, how we met…How I encouraged her to invite her girl down here… How will she react to that? It might not be an outright lie, but it sure as hell is hiding things from her.
I start to talk to her about it all, but something stops me. I’d like to say it was loyalty to my club, but the truth is, it has everything to do with the fact that I don’t want to lose Jasmine.
“Come here, baby,” I tell her softly. Her eyes look stormy. She’s confused and I can see that even in the pale light from the moon. I feel like I’m holding my breath, wondering if she will slide closer to me. I’m about to give up hope when she finally does. I slide my hand against the side of her face holding her there and then I place a short, sweet kiss on her lips, not deepening it, just needing the feel of her lips pressed to mine, to feel that she’s here.
Her head goes down and her eyes close after the kiss and I feel a small shudder run through her body.
“Luke,” she breathes.
“I know how special you are, Red. I’m not your fucking ex. I don’t want you to change, I don’t want you to be anything but who you are. Just you. I want you here with me and that is one hundred percent the truth.”
“And that’s it?” she presses. “No secret agenda? No hidden motives. You’re not keeping anything from me?”
“Jasmine, where are all these questions coming from?”
“I heard you tonight,” she says, looking up at my face. “Daisy needed her Bear-Bear and I went into the kitchen to get it. I wanted to see you, so I came to the room. I started to go in, but I heard you and Ford talking.”
“Jasmine,” I groan.
“Why would you need me to get close to Gabby, Luke? What’s really going on?”
Fuck…
“Ford is interested in Gabby, baby. Not me. I promise you. You’re the only woman on my mind these days.”
