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“That’s good. I still think you needed to tell your father what the dickhead did.”
“It’s not worth it, Gabby,” I murmur, picking at the pasta in my plate. We’re eating at an Italian place in London. Gabby is getting ready to go back to college. I gave up on college. That’s another thing my parents aren’t taking that great. Heck, at this rate, I feel like nothing but one giant failure in my parents’ eyes. At least they got one perfect child in Hawk. He’s getting ready to start medical school in the fall.
“Maybe, maybe not,” she says, but I ignore her. She wouldn’t understand.
“Well, if it’s not Officer Jack Off, it’s something. Why are you so quiet? Where’s that bitchy Jazzy I know and love?”
I sigh. She’s right. I am quiet. It’s been three days and I haven’t seen Luke again. After he came on so strong, and the great evening we had together, the last thing I expected from him was a disappearing act.
Who does that?
Go home with me baby, I’ll rock your world…
And then just silence.
He’s another player, just like Dewayne. I have to have something inside of me, some kind of chemical that lures assholes to me like a bee to honey.
“Have you heard from Dom?” I ask Gabby, changing the subject. Once she gets started on Dom she forgets everything else. She’ll whine about him for the rest of the day, which sucks, but it’s better than me having to tell her about Luke.
“Not a fucking word and I’ve about had it, Jazz. If he can just throw me to the curb like that, I don’t need his ass.”
“To be fair, he’s in a bad situation, Gab. I mean, his brother is hung up on you.”
“I love Thomas, don’t get it twisted. But, he’s like my brother. Kissing him was like…kissing someone’s ears. Kinda gross,” she says, scrunching up her face like she just sucked a lemon.
“Hold up,” I cry, sliding back from the table to look at my best friend who just apparently grew another head while I wasn’t looking. “You kissed Thomas?”
She looks up at me, her mouth open, as if she didn’t realize what she just confessed. Her cheeks turn pale pink—and since her complexion makes her look like a bronze goddess, that means if it were me, I’d be red as a beet.
“Well, yeah.”
“Oh my God, Gabby! What were you thinking?”
She slaps her fork down against her dish. It makes a large clanging noise that sounds like it might have possibly cracked the plate. I ignore it however, never taking my gaze from her.
“Quit acting like that, Jazz.”
“Like what?”
“All holier than thou. Like you haven’t done worse!”
“You kissed Thomas!”
“So? I had to see if there was anything there, didn’t I? Dom was being an asshole and I just needed to feel… special. Thomas has me on a pedestal. It was…”
“Stupid. Stupid is the word you’re searching for Gabby.”
“I just needed to feel like someone cared for me, okay? Quit acting like I killed someone, for fuck’s sake.”
“You didn’t kill him, but you might as well have torn his heart out. No wonder Dom walked away. Did you think Thomas wouldn’t tell Dom that you kissed? Fuck, you didn’t do anything more than that did you?”
“I…”
“Oh my God, Gabby! You Ho!”
“No! I mean we didn’t do that. It didn’t go very far. It was like second base, maybe leaning into the third, but I was drinking, and the phone rang… so it stopped.”
“It stopped because the phone rang?”
“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have gone very much farther. I was already going to call a halt to it.”
“Jesus, Gabby. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I knew this was how you would react.”
“Because you knew it was wrong. I bet Dom lost his shit.”
“I wouldn’t know. He’s not talking to me.”
“No wonder. Christ, Gabby. They’re brothers.”
“I know that!” she cries. “Don’t you think I know that better than anyone?” I can see that Gabby is close to crying, so I reach out and pat her hand. I suck at giving comfort. It makes me feel uncomfortable.
“It will be okay.”
“I don’t see how. Dom won’t talk to me, and I’m pretty sure Thomas hates me now.”
“Maybe it would be good to distance yourself from them both, Gabby.”
“I know. I know what you’re saying. I’ve been trying. I just… I love Dom, Jazz,” she says sadly, her voice breaking. “I’ve always loved him.”
“Sometimes love ain’t enough, baby girl,” I tell her sadly, sounding like some fucking greeting card.
“It hurts.”
“I know, Gab, trust me.”
“Did you love Dewayne?”
“I thought so at the time, but it’s hard to love someone you didn’t truly know,” I confess.
“Do you think you can ever truly know a man?”
My mind goes to Luke and how he was with me and then going quiet for three days.
