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When he arrived at the hospital, he soon learned the patient would need surgery and he was the most qualified to perform it. Any hope he held of being at Zoe’s side slipped away.
Going into the OR, he told the unit tech, “Please let me know if I get any messages.”
She gave him a curious look but nodded. “Yes, Doctor.”
Most of the time he left a “Do Not Disturb” request. This time he was worried about not only Zoe but her mother.
It was a couple of hours later while Gabe was busy suturing the vein that had been bleeding that the OR phone rang. A nurse answered and relayed a message. “Dr. Marks, the mother has been found. She is well.”
Gabe didn’t let himself falter as he continued to work, but relief washed over him, along with sadness. He wasn’t there to support Zoe. She must be so relieved. Her desperation and fear had been written all over her face but he had still left her in her time of need. It gnawed at him. She’d needed him then and now, and he wasn’t there for her. Would be, if he truly cared. Zoe should be the number one thing in his life, always come first.
The very thing he’d feared the most and had tried to avoid had happened. He’d proved he was right about himself. He had chosen his career over her. For him, his profession and a family didn’t mix. He didn’t know how to make them mesh. Others could do it, he’d seen it, but he just wasn’t capable of doing it. He’d not even grown up watching a marriage. And to think he had started to believe he could have one. Zoe had made him care enough to want to try. But now...
On his way home he made a decision. He had to let her go. For her sake, she needed to find a man who could give her what she needed. Today had just been an example of how he wasn’t that person. Zoe deserved better than him. He would be there for Will, but Zoe wanted more from their relationship than he could give. It might kill him but he would have to let her go.
It was turning dark before he pulled into the drive. The lights shone brightly in the house. Zoe was waiting for him. He had no doubt of that. There would be a hot meal there as well. His chest ached for what had been and what he was about to do. Her day must have been emotionally exhausting yet she’d thought about him. Zoe had such a capacity to love. Her mother, he himself and Mr. Luther were all evidence of that, and soon Will would be.
Gabe pulled into the garage, cut off the engine but didn’t get out immediately. He needed to gather his thoughts, think through what he was going to do. He couldn’t continue to live in the house with Zoe. Having her so close and not being able to touch her would slowly drive him mad. He would have to move out. Go stay in a hotel. No way would he ask her to go. The baby was only weeks away. She wouldn’t like the idea but he would make her accept it.
He slammed his hand down on the steering wheel. This was just the drama he wanted no part of. The kind that would steer him away from his goals. Made him think of other things besides his career.
The door to the house opened. Zoe was silhouetted there. Oh, heaven help him, he was going to miss her. He climbed out of the car.
“Hey, are you all right?” she called.
“Fine. Just on my way in.” Gabe stepped closer to her. “Tell me about what happened with your mom.”
She smiled and headed toward the kitchen as he closed the garage door. “Thank goodness it sounded worse than it was. She did leave the home but didn’t get far. The door she went out of was the one to the garden area. They found her in the potting shed, filling pots with soil. You were right. She was close by. I’m sorry I acted so irrationally. I shouldn’t have demanded you stay with me.”
“They didn’t look there before calling you or the police?” Anger filled Gabe at the distress they had caused Zoe.
“Someone had, but apparently my mother had stepped around to the back of the shed to look for something to dig with and they missed her. On the second pass, there she was.”
“I’m sorry they scared you.”
They continued into the kitchen.
“I have to admit all kinds of things were running through my head at what could go wrong.” She stopped near the sink and turned to face him. “I fixed supper. Thought we could eat out on the patio tonight. You hungry?”
He was. For her more than anything. “Yeah.”
“Then you go wash up while I get it on the table.”
Gabe went to his room. Zoe had no idea what was coming. Her mother’s successful return hadn’t changed his mind. If something like that happened again, where would he be? Beside Zoe or off seeing to a stranger? No, he couldn’t do that to her again.
When he returned to the kitchen, Zoe wasn’t there. She waved to him from outside where she sat at the patio table, waiting for him.
“I just filled our plates. Simpler that way. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No.” There was little he minded about Zoe. As far as he was concerned, she was near perfect.
The weight of what he was about to say made each of his steps feel as if he were wearing lead shoes. Nothing in his life had been more difficult. He would wait until they had eaten before he explained how it must be. At least they could share this last meal.
As he settled in his chair, Zoe asked, “So how’s your patient doing?”
How like Zoe after the day she’d had to show concern for someone else. “She’s stable and should recover without any issues.”
“I’m sure that’s due to your superior skills.” She nibbled at a roll.
It didn’t make what he had to do any easier, hearing her vote of confidence. “I have a good team.” He took a bite of the chicken she had prepared. “This is good. Thanks for going to the trouble after the day you’ve had.”
“Not a problem. After things were settled with Mother and I calmed down, it turned into a perfectly nice day.”
Which he was getting ready to ruin. Suddenly his food had no taste. “What kind of arrangements did Shorecliffs make for what happened this morning not to occur again?”
Zoe took a sip of the hot tea she was having. “They were going to fire the guy that propped the door open but I told them that wasn’t necessary. It had scared him enough that he won’t do it again.”
“You’re a better person than I am.” He had no doubt she was.
“I don’t know about that.”
When they finished their meal, Zoe stood and picked up their plates. “I made a pie as well. Want some?”
He’d put off what needed doing long enough. “Maybe later. Leave those. I’d like to talk to you for a minute.”
Zoe put the plates down, sank into her chair and clasped her hands over her middle. He held her attention. “I know we promised to talk but—”
“Zoe, please...”
Confusion filled her eyes and she pursed her lips. “What’s going on, Gabe?”
“This—” he waved a hand between them “—isn’t working for me.”
“What’re you talking about?” Her voice was flat as fear replaced confusion in her eyes.
“I’ve been leading you to believe that our relationship is moving toward something more permanent. It can’t.”
“You said you care about me.” She watched him closely, as if searching for the truth.
“I do.”
“So what does that mean?” Zoe’s eyes narrowed.
He shrugged both shoulders. “That I care about what happens to you. To the baby.”
“I don’t get it.”
Gabe wasn’t surprised. He wasn’t making any sense. “I’m not who you need.”
“Isn’t that my choice?”
He wasn’t sure how to answer that. “Yes,” Gabe said with hesitation. “But I’m not going to let you.”
Zoe straightened her shoulders, glared at him. The stubborn look he knew so well came over her face. She was no longer on the defensive; she was taki
ng the offensive position. “For a man of your intelligence you aren’t making any sense. Just what’s the problem? Tell me.”
“I can’t be there for you like I should be. I’ve been pretending for the last couple of weeks. I had thought we could make a real go of it, but this morning just proved I’d been right all along.”
“And just how’s that?” Her tone had turned patronizing.
“My career, my choices would always go to my patients. Your mother was missing and I get a call from the hospital and choose them over being with you. A real relationship is about caring for the other person. I let you down.”
“So you think I’m weak?”
His eyes narrowed. What was her point? “I didn’t say that.”
“I believe that’s what you meant. You think I can’t handle something like what happened today with Mother on my own. I’ve been doing that for years. Just because you came into my life, it doesn’t mean I still can’t. You had a patient who needed you today. I understand that.” She pointed to her chest. “Remember, I work in the medical field too. I get it better than most women do.”
“But I should have been there to support you.”
“Next time you will be. Today you were needed elsewhere. You had a good reason.”
“But you’re the one who told me you wanted a husband and a family. Isn’t that what someone does when they’re a husband, be there for the other person?”
“Sure they do. When they can. As for what I want, mostly it’s for someone to love me.”
“I’m not that guy.” The devastation that filled her eyes almost had him on his knees, begging her to forgive him. But he’d never be the man for her. “You expect a marriage to be perfect. I don’t even know how to do marriage. Today proves it. I’d make a horrible husband.”
“Sure seems like the last couple of weeks you’ve been doing a fine job of playing the part. Everything about our day-to-day lives looked like a marriage. The neighbors even thought so. Were you just playacting?”
Gabe didn’t want to answer that question. He hadn’t been, but if he told her that then he’d offer her hope. “Zoe, it’s just not going to work.”
